A few months back I was kissed by a sober man I didn’t know while I was severely drunk. Upon sobering up I felt disgusting and still do months later, because I never would have done that if I wasn’t intoxicated. He asked to kiss me and I said yes, which is what confuses me so much. He knew I was drunk but I can’t help but feel like it was my fault because I agreed. He even helped me walk and got me water because I couldn’t do it myself. I never say no to anything while drunk, but it’s not like he knew that. Was it still consensual? Why do I feel so guilty?

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. The confusion you're describing (feeling disgusted even though you said yes) is quite a disorienting place to find yourself. Consent requires three things: 1) the ability to think clearly, 2) the ability to understand what you're agreeing to, and 3) the ability to feel genuinely free to say no. Severe intoxication takes all three away. A yes that comes out of a severely drunk mouth is not the same as a real, considered agreement. When you're that drunk, you're not you. Not the version of you who gets to decide.

It sounds like he understood that you were impaired, so much so that you couldn't walk or get water alone. Despite seeing that, he asked to kiss you anyway. That matters. He had the capacity to pause and ask himself whether this was a good idea. It sounds like you didn't have that capacity in that state. Alcohol suppresses the parts of your brain responsible for judgment, self-protection, and weighing risk. When you said yes, that wasn't your full self speaking. It was someone else's version of you, temporarily.

The guilt you're carrying is real, and I understand why it's there. When something doesn't feel right, we reach for self-blame because blame feels like control. If it was your fault, maybe you could have prevented it. That logic is painful and completely human, and it's also not true. The version of you that would never have agreed while sober (the one who's been feeling disgusted) that's your real answer. Your disgust is not a flaw. It's your deepest self telling you that something happened that didn't match who you are.

What I might suggest you do is in a quiet moment, write out privately what you would have wanted that night if you'd been sober. What would you have said? How would you have felt? Let that version of you speak. That reflection can help reconnect you with your own clarity and your own preferences. It can help you understand what your body and heart have been trying to tell you.

Only you can label your experiences and you don't need to have all the words right now. What you know is enough: you wouldn't have chosen it sober, and something about it doesn't sit right with who you are. That's the truth you're living with. And that truth is worth taking seriously. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. You are not alone.