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Survivor story

How to listen to a family member reveal their sexual abuse and protect them from it.

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How to listen to a family member reveal their sexual abuse and protect them from it. For many years I have been hiding, hiding in my denial that my father was a sexual abuser. One of my Nieces, an innocent child at the time of the assault, was sexually abused by my father, and I refused to believe her story. I did not accept her story. I believed my father when he stated that he had not abused her. My niece was so young, over 30 years ago, when this happened, and I still feel her pain. I hope that one day she will reach out to me, giving me the opportunity to apologize for not believing in her. To All who have loved ones, friends, and neighbors, believe in them, and assist them in finding the help they need. No person should be required to live with this type of pain for the rest of their lives. Sexual abuse can happen anywhere - in school, church, with friends, parents, relatives, and strangers. On this note, the same person who molested my niece; also molested me for over ten years, and I kept quiet until two years ago when I started speaking about my being molested to a group of men. Listen to your child. Not listening could result in a lifetime of trauma. This hidden story could haunt the child for the rest of their life. I am writing this to help victims of any age so that when ready, they can tell their stories and not go through what I have been going through all my life. As a survivor, I have been carrying a heavy load on my shoulders for many years. Still, I get flashbacks of what happened to me as a child. I do sometimes talk with a counselor when I get these flashbacks. When I was younger, there was no one I could speak with regarding these issues. I am writing to put the information in place to help those seeking assistance. Help all parents and children. We need to be there for them. Listen, and try to understand them. Most of all – Be their Angel.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.