#24

The next time someone chokes me during sex I’m going to break their fucking nose. I don’t want to be choked. Ever. Call me crazy, but I like breathing. Air? That’s some good shit. Maybe a year ago I was hooking up with some guy. He asked if he could kiss me (yes). He asked if I wanted him to take off my clothes (yes). He didn’t think to ask if he should choke me (NO). Many many hookups have done similar things. Choking me during sex. I would say none have asked before, but that’s not true! A few actually DID ask, and I very explicitly said “DO NOT DO THAT”. But they “forgot”. It’s kind of crazy because I’ve had sex with a fair number of people and almost all of them have tried to choke me. I’ve NEVER, EVER, in any way, indicated I want that. I recently read a study that said this happens more to poor people and queer people. Well, checks out for me. I was once kind-of-dating a girl who was very smart and had a great memory. Except when it came to remembering not to choke me. Or wait, sometimes it wasn’t her memory, it’s just that my very explicit and clear and repeated requests were somehow confusing. “Oh, I thought you just didn’t want me to choke you *during* sex, you never said I couldn’t choke you right before!” “Well you said you sometimes like rough sex or BDSM. I see choking as like the most basic part of that. I don’t understand how you can like BDSM but not choking”. It’s funny because I don’t see how her “misunderstanding” meant she should choke me. There’s been others who would forget. Maybe it’s just their habit to choke their partners. Maybe they don’t care what I think. Whatever. Maybe it’s unfair, but I’ve decided that next time someone tries to choke me during sex, I’m going to break their nose. Maybe I’ll give them a warning. Maybe I’ll tell them before we meet up not to choke me. Maybe I’ll tell them to keep their hands off my neck. Maybe explicitly texting that would be smart, so if they try to charge me with assault I have something like proof. But you know what? Maybe I won’t. Maybe I won’t warn them. Maybe I shouldn’t have to. I mean, if I should have warned them not to choke me, they should have warned me not to break their fucking nose, right? I mean there’s lots of porn out there where the person likes that. How was I supposed to know they didn’t want their fucking nose broken if they didn’t tell me first? Maybe I forgot. Maybe I was confused. Maybe I was confused because I thought we were having rough sex so of course they’d want me to break their fucking nose. Right?