#978

I feel so much guilt and resentment towards myself and my abuser, my brother. I was 9, and my brother was 10. We shared a room together, and whenever it was past our bedtimes, my brother would come over to my bed and start making different requests. I can't remember how it started. I went along with it at first because I thought it was harmless. He started making excuses to touch me in different places, like between my legs and my breasts (I was an early bloomer). Eventually I started telling him no, but he would get upset with me. He would tell me it was "practice" and that it would benefit me in the long run. It kept getting more and more invasive until one night he tried to put his finger in me. I didn't want it. But I felt embarrassed and guilty, so I kept quiet. Besides, he told me it was for the better. Even now I feel so much guilt. Even though I was 9, I feel like I don't have a right to be upset about it. I didn't speak up, anyways, so why do I have the audacity to sit here and cry about it? I just feel awful and alone. Nobody knows about it except my boyfriend.