Healing is first acceptance of horrific circumstances, and stop trying to be neutral about it, to not rock the boat, and then to be horrified, and be devastated, and mourn. A lot of crying and depression and feelings of worthlessnesses are involved. It is important to shut yourself off from any and all mean people and seek out those who have kindness, acceptance and understanding . This mourning is ongoing, but part of healing is that you must move forward. It is not a couch to lie on , but a springboard to launch you into a better life, realizing you CAN choose, you CAN move on. You will be able at some point to compartmentalize this awfulness, stuff it in a back drawer of your mind and go on with happier things. Healing becomes awareness, awakening, and an exploration of one's own behaviors that allowed abuse to stand unconfronted, undefended, denied, rationalized. Being "nice" is overrated, as it allows evil to flourish. I will never lose my empathy and understanding of others but realize I can choose those who are deserving of it, and walk away from those who have violated it. No second chances with disrespectful people. Healing is understanding that explaining my experience will never work with an abuser, a narcissist, and it's best and right to disengage, without guilt or second guessing. Explaining my experience to others who have experienced betrayal, disloyalty and a breach of trust lends further clarity to healing, not only for me. I hope it also lends validation to others who have been beaten down and are coming to recognize their strength and goodness, and to free themselves from the falsehoods perpetrated by abusers.