My memories of what happened are somewhat out of order. When I was around 11-12 years old, an incident occurred with a girl who was a year younger than me. I reluctantly agreed at first to kissing her in a bathtub, but then it escalated beyond kissing and moved to the couch. At that point, I made it clear I was uncomfortable, but she didn't listen. Her mother never touched me sexually but was also very inappropriate towards me. What would this experience be categorized as? I feel dramatic calling it COCSA (child-on-child sexual abuse) or sexual abuse, but I'm not sure how to understand what happened.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. The fragmented nature of your memories is completely normal - our brains often process difficult experiences this way, particularly those that occurred during childhood when our minds were still developing.

What you've described involves a complex situation where your boundaries were clearly violated. When you expressed discomfort and the other child didn't listen, that indicates a significant disregard for your consent. Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) refers to sexual activities between children that are not appropriate for their developmental stages, especially when there is an imbalance of power, coercion, or a lack of consent. Only you can label your experiences, but based on what you shared those things appear to be present in your situation.

Many survivors struggle with labeling their experiences, often feeling they don't "deserve" certain terms or that their experiences weren't "bad enough." You are not being dramatic by questioning whether this was COCSA or sexual abuse. This uncertainty is a common response to trauma and doesn't diminish the impact these experiences had on you. The discomfort you feel now in trying to understand what happened is completely valid.

It's also important to consider that both of you were children at the time, still learning about relationships, boundaries, and consent. That doesn't diminish the impact on you, but it might help explain some of the dynamics involved. The inappropriate behavior from her mother adds another critical layer, potentially creating an environment where boundaries were already being violated by an adult who should have been modeling appropriate behavior.

Whatever terminology feels right to you is valid. Some people find that having language to describe their experiences helps with processing them, while others prefer to focus on the impact rather than the label. What's most important is how you feel about what happened and how it has affected you.

Remember that you have the right to feel safe and have your boundaries respected. It's okay to acknowledge that what happened made you uncomfortable and that it's something that deserves attention. Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate these memories and emotions. Your feelings matter, and you deserve understanding and support as you work through making sense of these childhood experiences. Thank you for trusting us with this. We appreciate you.