I've been reconnecting with my sexuality and watching porn, but I came across a video of a woman being assaulted. It triggered memories of my own experience, and now I feel disgusted with porn. I'm not ready to fully process my own trauma right now. How can I navigate this?

Thank you for trusting us with something so personal. I'm really sorry you experienced this, and I can tell how upsetting it must have been to come across that material unexpectedly. Stumbling upon assault depicted in pornography can be deeply disturbing, especially when you're a survivor yourself. It's understandable to feel disgusted or even ashamed, given the painful memories it triggered. Sometimes, when we're trying to explore our sexuality again, even small reminders can bring us back to moments that were traumatic. It can be hard to let yourself feel curious or open when those triggers resurface. It makes sense that this has shifted how you feel about porn. What you witnessed violated the consensual, pleasurable sexuality you were seeking, and it connected painfully to your own experience.

First, please know that you get to take all the time you need before you're ready to fully reckon with your trauma. This process of reconnecting with your sexuality after trauma is not a straight path, and it can have moments of feeling good mixed with sudden setbacks. Healing isn't linear, and sometimes we need to focus on managing the present moment rather than diving into deeper processing. That's not avoidance. That's honoring where you are right now and what feels manageable. It might help to remember that healing doesn't require you to face everything at once. It's okay to acknowledge the pain without diving into it before you feel ready.

In terms of navigating this situation, it might help to give yourself permission to step back from pornography entirely for now if that feels right. If you can, consider pausing activities that bring up strong triggers, like certain types of explicit videos, at least until you feel more stable or have coping tools that work for you on hand. Your comfort and sense of safety matter, and if porn no longer feels like a positive part of reconnecting with your sexuality, you can set it aside without judgment. Many survivors find that their relationship with sexual content shifts over time, and that's okay. You might return to it later, or you might discover other ways of exploring your sexuality that feel better aligned with where you are.

If and when you do feel ready to engage with sexual content again, you have options that might feel safer and more aligned with your values. You might consider seeking out ethical porn created by survivor-centered or feminist producers who prioritize consent, authenticity, and the wellbeing of performers. Ethical porn often involves transparent practices around performer consent, fair compensation, and content that centers mutual pleasure rather than eroticizing harm. Some survivors find this helps them feel more connected to sexuality in a way that doesn't replicate violence or exploitation.

There are also other forms of sexual content that some people find less triggering or more manageable, such as audio erotica, written erotica, or even educational content about pleasure and sexuality that focuses on connection and consent. Audio erotica, in particular, can allow you to use your imagination and maintain more control over the pacing and imagery, which some survivors find less overwhelming than visual content. Written erotica offers similar benefits, letting you engage at your own pace and step away whenever you need to. These alternatives can provide ways to explore your sexuality that feel gentler and more within your control. But there's no pressure to make that decision right now.

What happened when you encountered that video wasn't your fault, and the fact that it triggered you doesn't mean you're failing at healing or that you've lost progress.  Feeling revulsion or disgust right now doesn't mean you're stuck in that place forever. It just means your mind and body are alerting you to a boundary that needs respect and gentleness.

For now, focus on what helps you feel grounded and safe. That might mean engaging with your sexuality in different ways, through your own touch, fantasy, erotica, audio content, or simply giving yourself space from sexual content altogether. Continue trusting how you feel in the moment, step away from what triggers you when you need to, and come back to exploring your sexuality only when it feels safe to do so. You're allowed to define what reconnecting with your sexuality looks like for you, and that can change as often as you need it to. Thank you for trusting us with this we are here for you.