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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Ugh...thank you for asking this. You're right that there is unfortunately no guaranteed way to completely avoid catcalling or harassment in public. The responsibility for this behavior lies solely with the harassers, not with those being harassed. While there are some steps one can take to potentially reduce risk, it's deeply unfair and frustrating that anyone should have to modify their behavior to avoid harassment.
I want to acknowledge the injustice of this situation you bring up. No one should have to alter their routes, change their clothing, or constantly be on guard simply to exist in public spaces without being harassed. The burden of preventing harassment should fall on potential harassers and society at large, not on individuals just trying to go about their daily lives. This unfair reality can lead to feelings of anger, helplessness, and restricted freedom, which are all valid responses to an unjust situation.
Despite this, some people find it helpful to be aware of certain strategies. These might include:
That said, it's important to emphasize:
Ultimately, addressing this issue requires significant societal change and education. The focus needs to shift from teaching potential victims how to avoid harassment to teaching potential harassers about respect, consent, and the harm their actions cause. Many organizations (for example Stop Street Harassment ) are working towards creating safer public spaces and challenging the attitudes that lead to street harassment.
If you're struggling with the impact of these experiences, it's completely understandable. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or professionals. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you absolutely deserve to feel safe and respected in public spaces, without having to change who you are or how you behave. Thank you for asking this.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.