I experienced sexual abuse from at least two men in their twenties when I was between ages 10 and 15. I remember telling them in different ways that I didn't want what was happening. There might have been a third person who abused me when I was very young, around 3 or 4 years old - he would have been 14 years older than me. I keep thinking that since this happened multiple times, I must have done something to cause it. I find myself wanting to take responsibility, like maybe I somehow made them think I wanted it. I'm really struggling with trusting and forgiving myself. I guess I'm wondering if these feelings are normal and how to deal with them?

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Please know that what happened to you was not your fault, and you did not deserve any of it.

It's common for survivors of abuse to struggle with self-blame. You might feel like you're the common denominator or question if you did something to cause their actions. But it's important to understand that as a child and teenager, the responsibility for those situations lies entirely with the adults who chose to mistreat you. They were the ones with power and control, and they violated the trust and boundaries that should have been respected.

Children and adolescents cannot consent to inappropriate behavior from adults. The men who harmed you were responsible for their actions, regardless of anything you did or didn't do. You did not signal or invite that treatment—they chose to ignore what was right and to take advantage of your youth and vulnerability.

Learning to trust yourself and forgive yourself can be a challenging process, especially after such painful experiences. It might help to remind yourself that feelings of guilt or self-blame are common reactions to trauma, but they don't reflect the truth of what happened. You did not deserve what you experienced.

You might also consider reaching out to a trusted person or professional who can support you as you work through these feelings. Talking to someone who understands trauma can provide you with tools to rebuild your self-trust and to see the situation from a perspective that doesn't place undue blame on yourself.

Remember, you deserve compassion, understanding, and kindness—especially from yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone.