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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
This situation would generally be understood as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The four-year age gap, the nature of the touching, and the fact that one child was asleep are all significant factors that indicate this was an abusive situation rather than age-appropriate exploration.
Whether this would be considered criminal activity varies by state. Many jurisdictions have laws addressing inappropriate sexual contact between minors, though the legal system often handles cases involving younger individuals differently than cases involving adults. Some states might classify this as a criminal act, while others might address it through family court or child welfare systems. The legal response depends on the specific laws where this occurred and the particular circumstances of the situation.
It's important to recognize that sexual curiosity is a normal part of development, and at 13, someone is still learning and growing. However, this doesn't make the behavior okay. Touching someone sexually while they're asleep crosses important boundaries, regardless of the age of the person who did it. Understanding that harmful behavior happened is separate from understanding that young people can learn, change, and move forward in healthy ways.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.