When I was young, my older sister engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with me, including making me perform oral sex on her. I didn't understand what was happening at the time, but it sparked a chain of events including an addiction to explicit videos that I'm still struggling with in my 20s. I think she believes I don't remember the incident. I understand the situation is complicated because she was also young, but I can't help feeling angry. I've discussed this in therapy, but I'm having trouble moving past it. What can I do?

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing this experience and seeking help. What happened to you was not your fault, regardless of your sister's age at the time. Your feelings of anger are completely valid and a natural response to a boundary violation that occurred during your formative years.

Sexual behaviors between siblings or children with significant age differences often involve power imbalances that can be harmful, even when the older child may not fully understand the impact of their actions. Both you and your sister were children, which creates a complex dynamic where she may have been both an agent of harm while potentially dealing with her own developmental issues or possible exposure to inappropriate sexual content.

The connection you've made between this early experience and your current struggles with video addiction makes sense from a trauma perspective. Many survivors develop coping mechanisms that can evolve into addictive patterns. This is a common response as the brain attempts to manage distressing emotions, seek comfort, or recreate a sense of control. Early exposure to sexual content can significantly impact how you relate to intimacy, trust, and even your relationship with yourself moving forward.

Working through childhood sexual trauma is rarely a linear process, and "letting go" isn't necessarily the goal. Rather, integrating these experiences into your life narrative in a way that diminishes their power over your present is often more realistic. Your continued work in therapy is an important step. Consider discussing with your therapist whether specialized approaches like trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT) or EMDR might be helpful for processing these specific memories and addressing both the trauma and addiction components of your experience.

Navigating the mix of emotions—anger, confusion, hurt, and perhaps even guilt—is incredibly challenging. These feelings may fluctuate in intensity over time, and that's a normal part of the healing journey. Being patient and compassionate with yourself during this process is essential.

Regarding your sister, you have several options to consider. Some survivors find it healing to address the past directly with the person who harmed them, while others find closure without confrontation. If you do choose to speak with her, preparation with your therapist can help establish boundaries and manage expectations. Remember that her response—whether acknowledgment, denial, or her own distress—is not a measure of your experience's validity.

For your video addiction, seeking specialized support, possibly through a certified sex addiction therapist or support groups, might offer additional tools beyond your current therapy. Support groups—either in person or online—can provide a space to connect with others who have faced similar challenges, reducing feelings of isolation and offering practical coping strategies.

Above all, remember that you're not alone in this journey. Healing from childhood sexual experiences takes time and isn't about forgetting or minimizing what happened, but rather about reducing its impact on your daily life and relationships. Thank you for trusting us with this. We appreciate you.