When I was young, a classmate in school repeatedly exposed themselves to me in the library despite my clear discomfort and objections. They also tried to coerce me into touching them, though this was interrupted before any contact occurred. I've felt upset about this experience for a long time, but I'm unsure if it qualifies as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) because no physical contact happened. I don't want to incorrectly claim victimhood if my experience doesn't qualify.

Thank you for trusting us with this experience that has weighed on your heart for so long. Your willingness to explore these difficult feelings shows strength, and I want to help in whatever way I can.

Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) encompasses a range of behaviors where one child engages in unwanted sexual behavior toward another child. This can include exposure, coercion, touching, or pressuring another child into sexual activities. What distinguishes COCSA from normal childhood curiosity or exploration is the presence of elements like coercion, force, secrecy, emotional manipulation, or continuing despite the other child's clear discomfort or refusal. When one child deliberately shows private parts to another child who has expressed discomfort and said no, they're crossing an important personal boundary.

Your clear communication that this was unwanted, and their choice to continue despite your objections, shows this may have not been innocent childhood behavior. The attempt to coerce you into touching them created an even more threatening situation. However, only you can label your experience. While circumstances prevented physical contact, the emotional impact of feeling pressured and unsafe is very real. Consider how even as an adult, feeling pressured or unsafe can leave lasting impressions - these feelings can be even more intense for a child who hasn't yet developed all the tools to process such experiences.

The distress you've carried about this experience is completely understandable. Our hearts and minds often recognize when something has harmed us, even if we struggle to find the right words to describe it. The fact that this memory has stayed with you and caused such lasting upset suggests this experience impacted you deeply, and those feelings deserve to be honored, regardless of what terms you use to describe what happened.

Your thoughtful concern about labeling your experience accurately shows such sensitivity and integrity. While I can share how unwanted exposure and coercion are understood within the context of COCSA, what matters most is how you process and make meaning of what happened to you. There's no checklist or external validation needed to confirm the reality of your experience - your feelings and your understanding of what happened are what's most important. Others can offer perspectives, but you know yourself and your situation best.

If you find yourself continuing to wrestle with these memories, please know that many compassionate mental health professionals specialize in helping people understand and heal from difficult childhood experiences, including COCSA. They can walk alongside you as you process these memories and emotions, while fully respecting your right to define your experience in your own way. 

Your feelings about this experience are valid, whatever words you choose to use to describe it. You deserve support and compassion as you process these memories in whatever way feels right to you. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.