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When I was around 6-7 years old, another child of a similar age repeatedly pressured, emotionally manipulated, and guilt-tripped me into engaging in oral sex. Despite me saying no numerous times, he continued to pressure me until I eventually complied. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?
Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for this question and I am so sorry you experienced this. Based on the information you've shared, it sounds like what you experienced could be child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The repeated pressure, emotional manipulation, and guilt-tripping to engage in sexual acts, even though you both were young, is concerning and may constitute abusive behavior. Your repeated refusals should have been respected, and the fact that the other child continued to coerce you until you complied suggests a violation of your boundaries and autonomy.
It's essential to understand that consent is a crucial aspect of any sexual interaction, and children at such a young age cannot provide informed consent. If the other child's actions made you feel uncomfortable, pressured, or violated, your feelings are valid, and you are not to blame for what happened.
COCSA can have lasting effects on survivors, similar to those experienced by survivors of adult-perpetrated sexual abuse. It's common to feel confusion, guilt, or shame, but it's crucial to remember that you were a child who was manipulated and coerced into a situation you did not want to be in.
It's important to recognize that only you can define your experiences and how they have impacted you. Everyone processes and understands their trauma differently, and there is no right or wrong way to feel about what happened to you. Trust your own perceptions and emotions, and don't let anyone minimize or invalidate your experiences.
If you feel that you need support in processing these experiences, seeking help from a therapist who specializes in childhood sexual abuse can be incredibly beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions, work through the trauma, and develop coping strategies.
Remember that you are not alone, and there are resources and support systems available to help you on your healing journey. Your experiences are valid, and your feelings matter. Be gentle with yourself and know that healing is possible.
We appreciate you reaching out and are here for you.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.