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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for this question. When a family member experiences gender-based violence, the trauma can create a ripple effect that impacts the entire family. For those who witnessed the violence firsthand, the impact can be particularly severe. Children who grow up in a home where violence occurs may experience a range of emotional and behavioral problems, including fear, anxiety, aggression, and difficulty forming healthy attachments. They may also be at higher risk of experiencing violence in their own relationships later in life. In addition, family members who witness violence against a loved one can experience a profound sense of powerlessness and helplessness, as well as guilt and shame for not being able to prevent the abuse.
Even family members who did not directly witness the violence can experience secondary trauma as they support the survivor in the aftermath. Holding space for a loved one's pain and trauma can be emotionally exhausting and can lead to feelings of anger, frustration, and helplessness. Family members may struggle with how to best support the survivor while also processing their own emotions and experiences. They may also be impacted by institutional betrayal, as they witness systems not supporting their loved ones in the ways that they need.
The impact of trauma can also extend beyond the immediate family to include extended family members, friends, and even entire communities. The shame and stigma associated with gender-based violence can make it difficult for survivors and their loved ones to reach out for help and can lead to social isolation and disconnection.
It's important for family members to recognize that healing from trauma is a long and difficult process that requires patience, understanding, and support. Seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can be crucial for both the survivor and their loved ones. It's also important for family members to prioritize their own self-care and to seek out support systems, such as support groups or community resources, to help them navigate the challenges of supporting a survivor.
Ultimately, breaking the cycle of violence requires a collective effort that involves not only supporting survivors and their families but also working to change societal norms and attitudes that perpetuate gender-based violence. By acknowledging the ripple effects of gender-based violence, we can better understand the magnitude of these harms and can more effectively work to repair and heal within our communities.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.