Three years have passed since I escaped my husband's 40 years of domestic violence, but the physical and mental pain hasn't gone away, and I desperately want to return to my original peaceful and calm state of mind and body.

Thank you for consulting with us and for sharing such important information with us.

Forty years is by no means a short period of time. I imagine that during those long years, you must have endured a great deal of pain and tension, both mentally and physically. And now, three years later, you are still carrying that pain, yet you still wish to regain your peaceful and calm self, and have reached out to me for help. That in itself shows that the strength to live authentically is still very much within you.

Even after being free from danger, your mind and body may not immediately return to a state of "safety." <br>If you have experienced domestic violence over a long period of time, the emotional and physical pain may continue even after you have left the dangerous situation.

"It's been three years already, so why am I still suffering?"
"When will I be able to return to my old self?"

You might feel that way sometimes.

But for 40 years, your mind and body have been working to protect you in times of danger.

The human nervous system has mechanisms that, when it senses danger, tense up, become vigilant, and prepare to react immediately in order to protect oneself. If danger persists for a long period, the body may not be able to relax its vigilance even when actually in a safe place.

It might be like a "fire alarm" in a house that has been on fire for a long time.

The fire is out now. But perhaps the alarm system inside your body hasn't fully grasped that everything is okay yet.

So what's needed now isn't to blame the body or try to force it back to how it was before, but rather to gradually communicate to both mind and body that "it's safe now."

Physical pain is also something that deserves to be cared for.
Individuals who have experienced long-term trauma, such as domestic violence, may continue to experience various physical symptoms, including intense tension, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, body aches, and palpitations.

There's no need to dismiss these issues as simply a matter of mindset. Trauma can affect not only memories and feelings, but also the autonomic nervous system, sleep, and physical tension.

On the other hand, physical pain can sometimes have underlying causes other than trauma. If the pain persists, don't assume it's solely due to trauma; consult a medical professional if necessary.

Recovery takes time and place; it's not a straight line when it comes to recovering from trauma experienced over many years.

Just when you think you're having a peaceful day, there might be days when you suddenly start remembering things from the past, your body tenses up, or you feel like you're in pain again.

However, that doesn't necessarily mean we're back to square one.

Recovery involves periods of moving forward, pausing, and resting. It's okay to proceed at your own pace.

If you are considering seeking professional help, one option is to consult with a psychologist or medical professional who understands domestic violence and long-term trauma. Trauma-focused psychotherapies such as EMDR may also be helpful. However, the best approach varies from person to person. What's important is that you feel safe, that you are not pressured to talk about your experiences, and that you can choose "what to talk about," "how much to talk about," and "what kind of support to receive."

Communicating "Safety" to Your Body in Everyday Life <br>Even in your daily life, you can try small things that will help your mind and body feel a sense of safety little by little.

For example, breathing slowly, taking a walk or stretching within a comfortable range, taking a warm bath, listening to your favorite music, feeling the sensation of your soles touching the floor, spending time with someone you feel safe with—

However, there's no need to force yourself to "take deep breaths" or "relax." For some people who have experienced trauma, closing their eyes or focusing on their body can actually make things more difficult.

Choose what makes you feel "a little comfortable" or "a little at ease."

It may seem like a very small thing. But each one is a challenge to the mind and body that have been on guard for a long time.

"Maybe everything will be alright right now, at this moment."

This will be the time to convey that message.

And you wrote, "I want to return to my original, peaceful, and calm mind and body."

I hope you will cherish that wish very much.

Perhaps recovery isn't simply about "returning" to the exact same person you were 40 years ago.

From now on, gradually cultivating a new sense of calm by choosing for yourself what makes you feel safe, what makes you feel comfortable, and what you desire is also a form of recovery.

Your life didn't end with you escaping domestic violence.

The time from now on is yours.

There's no need to rush. I hope that you'll gradually find yourself experiencing more moments of peace and tranquility, while respecting the pace of your mind and body.