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Is it normal for me to begin to forget my assault? I feel as though I am making progress and now I am forgetting what it was like to be assaulted and the memories are fading. Does this mean I overplayed the event or is this normal?

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Thank you for asking this question. It's common for people who experience sexual assault to experience changes in their traumatic memories over time. While some of that may be related to the passing of time generally, memories of traumatic events specifically can be especially fragmented, disjointed, or difficult to recall in the future. For some survivors, memories may become more vivid over time. For others, their memories might become more fuzzy or distant. Both are equally valid responses to traumatic events.

Having fragmented or blurry memories  can be a coping mechanism that our brain uses to protect itself from overwhelming emotions and feelings. This does not mean that the assault was not significant or that you overplayed the event. 

If you feel like your memories are fading and it is distressing you, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist who specializes in trauma. They can provide guidance and strategies to help you continue on your healing journey.  

If your memories are fading and it is not distressing you, consider if these memories are serving you anymore. Perhaps their lack of vividness is protective so that you can continue forward in your healing process. You deserve to be happy and free from memories that cause you pain.

Remember that there is no "right" way to feel or remember the assault. Everyone copes with trauma differently. Give yourself the time and space you need to heal at your own pace. Trust your intuition. We believe you.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.