I'm trying to define something that happened to me when I was younger. I know that based on the law, rape involves penetration, no matter how slight. Someone performed oral contact on me without consent, and also made me perform oral contact on them. I know that it was assault, but was it rape? I understand that at the end of the day it doesn't matter what I call it, but I am autistic and knowing how to define this would help me untangle a lot of confusion.

I'm so sorry you're feeling confused about how to define what happened, especially when those memories are hazy and you were so young at the time. Your need to understand and categorize what happened to you is completely valid and understandable. Many survivors find that having clear definitions helps them process their experiences, and this is especially true for people who are autistic. There's nothing weird about wanting clarity around these terms.

It can help to know that many legal definitions of "rape" have historically centered on penetration, but forced oral contact is also widely recognized as a serious form of sexual violence. The specific legal definition of rape varies significantly by jurisdiction, but many states and countries have expanded their definitions beyond just penetration to include other forms of forced sexual contact, including oral contact. In a lot of places, it's legally considered aggravated sexual assault or another term on the same level of severity as rape, especially involving a minor who cannot consent under any circumstances.

From an everyday understanding of what children should be protected from, what happened to you is absolutely a serious violation. Even without penetration, being forced to perform or receive oral acts is still sexual assault and still counts as child sexual abuse. Whether the term used is "rape" or "sexual assault" in the legal sense, the key point is that you experienced a non-consensual sexual act when you were a child, and that alone makes it a profound breach of your boundaries and safety.

For some people, calling it "child sexual assault" feels more accurate if the laws they grew up with focus on penetration for the word "rape." For others, the word "rape" fits because of how invasive and violating the forced act was, regardless of how any law might define it. It often comes down to which label helps you better understand and come to terms with your experience. If calling it rape feels accurate to your experience, that's valid. If sexual assault feels more fitting, that's equally valid.

If finding the right term helps you unravel the confusion, please know there's no wrong way to describe your own story. What matters is acknowledging that you were harmed in a way no child ever should be, and if calling it "rape," "assault," or "abuse" clarifies your feelings, that is completely valid. Your well-being is so important, and it's natural to want that clarity so you can make sense of what happened. Your healing and understanding of what happened to you is not dependent on finding the perfect legal category. What you experienced was wrong, it wasn't your fault, and your feelings about it, whatever they may be, are completely legitimate.

Although I can't give you specific legal or medical advice, I hope it reassures you to know that many survivors find a term that feels right for them and that supports their healing process, regardless of any strict technical definitions. I'm sorry you endured such a violation at such a young age, and I hope that as you continue to process your story, you find the sense of validation and understanding you deserve. Thank you for trusting us with this.