I want to know if I committed child-on-child sexual harm. When I was 5-7 years old, my older cousin sexually touched me multiple times. During a game of truth or dare, my sister dared me to kiss my cousin, which I did, then felt upset and cried. Later, when I was about 6, I kissed my younger cousin (about 4) and showed her something inappropriate my older sister had taught me. We're still close now. Am I in the wrong, and how should I address this even though she's still young?

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of courage to reflect on and talk about experiences from childhood, especially when they've been weighing on you for some time.

What you've described involves several complex situations where you were both a child who experienced harm and a child who may have caused confusion for another child. First, it's crucial to understand that what happened to you with your older cousin was not your fault. Children who experience sexual harm often don't understand what's happening and may replicate behaviors they've been exposed to without understanding their meaning or impact. This is a normal response to abnormal circumstances.

When children are exposed to certain behaviors at a young age, especially without proper guidance, they might imitate those actions without fully understanding them. You were very young during these events, and it sounds like you were trying to make sense of confusing situations. It's important to remember that at the ages of five, six, and seven, children are still learning about boundaries, appropriate interactions, and the difference between right and wrong.

The behaviors you described with your younger cousin reflect what experts call "sexually reactive behavior," which differs from abuse. When young children (like you were at age 6) repeat sexual behaviors they've been exposed to with other children, it typically stems from confusion, curiosity, or attempting to process what happened to them—not from an intent to harm. Most child development specialists would not label what happened as COCSA (Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse) given your young age, your own victimization, and the absence of force, threats, or significant age difference.

Regarding your younger cousin, it's evident that you care about her and are concerned about how your past actions might have affected her. Feeling the need to apologize shows a deep sense of empathy and responsibility. However, it may not be necessary or beneficial to explicitly discuss this with your younger cousin if she doesn't remember or hasn't shown signs of distress. Sometimes well-intentioned conversations about past events can create confusion where there wasn't any. Instead, you might focus on being a positive and supportive presence in her life now, demonstrating care, respect, and healthy boundaries.

If you continue to feel concerned, speaking with a trusted adult or a trauma-informed therapist could help you process these experiences and determine if any further steps would be helpful. They can provide guidance specific to your situation while prioritizing everyone's wellbeing.

Remember that children cannot consent to sexual activity, but they also cannot be held to adult standards of responsibility. You deserved protection as a child, and your compassion now shows your growth and healing. You're not alone in this, and taking steps to understand and heal from the past is a brave and compassionate choice. Thank you for trusting us with this. We appreciate you.