I suffer from complex PTSD and have endured significant hardships, including long-term abuse, sexual trauma, power harassment, and medical trauma. Although I'm recovering, my physical and mental health is still unstable. I still harbor a great deal of pain, resentment, and questions about the abuse I suffered. However, I want to recover, and I want to fully embrace the words, advice, and treatment of my doctor and counselor, who will help me gradually unravel these issues. Through various conversations, study, and answers to my questions here, I'm beginning to recognize the structure of my trauma and my own problems and challenges. I often find myself realizing the implications of what my doctor and counselor say later. However, during consultations and counseling sessions, I often find myself emotionally arguing, focusing on my own pain and suffering. I know the first step is to improve my physical condition and not rush into things, but how can I stop being so obsessed with my own abuse and move forward, even if only gradually? I feel like I might not be able to accept it right away, and I'll have to search for the right path. However, even though I've received advice and treatment and am being treated with care to avoid re-traumatization, I feel like I'm still perceiving it as a victim and re-traumatizing myself. I'd appreciate any advice on how to stop this cycle. For example, would it be a good idea to use chat or phone counseling to try to release as much of the pent-up sadness and resentment as possible?

I could really feel that you have been carrying a lot of pain and burdens for a long time, and yet you have a strong desire to recover.

The road to trauma recovery is a bumpy one. Even though you know healing is possible, painful memories may resurface and you may feel frustrated, confused, or angry. This does not mean you are weak or have failed; it is a natural process as your mind tries to process what happened to you. Even if you feel like you're "stuck," this is part of the recovery process.

Your desire to trust your doctor or counselor is a very important step. If the advice stays with you even after the consultation, it's proof that your new understanding is slowly taking root. It may take some time for it to become a stable, real feeling. Even if you understand the importance of professional help, it's often difficult to accept it in the moment. Please don't blame yourself. Those waves of emotion are also a natural resistance of the mind to re-experiencing painful memories.

It's also common to feel like you're reliving the trauma. Your mind and body may repeat the same patterns as they try to process the experience. This can be very exhausting. At times like these, it can be helpful to let out your feelings little by little in a safe space. If you feel safe, phone or chat counseling is a gentle way to gradually release your sadness and anger. Of course, you're always welcome in this community as a safe space to talk about your experiences and feelings. Feel free to try it at your own pace.

You don't have to make all the progress on the road to recovery at once. For example, consciously taking deep breaths, or remembering new insights from your counselor when painful memories or emotions from the past surface—even small moments like these are significant steps forward. Even if difficult moments come in waves, the fact that you can think, "How can I get through this?" or "I want to recover even just a little" is itself a sign of your strength and that you are on the path to recovery.

Holding on to painful memories and emotions from the past isn't a sign of weakness or selfishness; it's a sign that your wounds are still healing. You have the resilience to struggle with them and find a way out.

Please be kind to yourself and reach out for support that you feel comfortable with. Even small steps like phone or chat consultations, journaling, guided therapy, or self-care techniques are fine. With professional help and consistent self-kindness and compassion, you can gradually ease the weight of painful memories and move towards greater freedom and stability in your daily life. You deserve it.