I recently unlocked a memory that is very disturbing to me and I feel guilty. When I was younger, my brother (who is 4 years younger) and I had an incident while watching TV where he was massaging my back and touched my chest a couple times that we both treated as 'accidental' at the time. We stopped, agreed we shouldn't continue, and I forgot about it for years. I also remember a separate incident when I was 9 where I would squeeze his backside despite him asking me to stop, until my mom intervened. I'm now 21F with a good relationship with my brother, but I worry I might have traumatized him. Am I responsible for sexual abuse? Should I be concerned about these childhood interactions?

Thank you for sharing your feelings and concerns. Please know that many people experience confusion and guilt when looking back at childhood interactions through an adult lens and you are not alone.

When we look back on our childhood and adolescence with the perspective and understanding we have as adults, it's common to reevaluate past actions and feel uncertain about them. During those formative years, children and teenagers are still learning about boundaries, relationships, and appropriate behavior. The behaviors you described occurred when you were both children still developing your understanding of boundaries.

When children engage in exploratory touching or boundary-crossing behaviors, it's fundamentally different from adult-to-child sexual abuse. Children typically don't have the same understanding of sexuality, consent, or the implications of their actions. What you're describing sounds like childhood curiosity and boundary confusion rather than predatory behavior.

It's important to recognize that siblings often have complicated physical boundaries during childhood. The fact that you stopped the interaction when you both recognized it wasn't appropriate shows awareness developing, even at that young age. Your concern now demonstrates empathy and moral development.

Feeling guilty now is a reflection of your current awareness and maturity. Your current good relationship with your brother suggests these interactions likely didn't cause lasting harm. This suggests that he may not have been adversely affected by these past interactions. Many siblings who experienced similar childhood boundary confusion grow up to have healthy relationships with each other and others.

If these memories continue to cause you significant distress, speaking with a therapist who specializes in trauma could be beneficial. They can help you process these memories and feelings in a healthy way. Sometimes sharing our thoughts with someone else can offer new perspectives and alleviate some of the burden we're feeling.

Self-forgiveness is an important part of healing - recognizing that children make mistakes as they learn about appropriate boundaries, and that you're not defined by actions from your childhood. Be kind to yourself as you navigate these feelings. Remember, you're not alone in reflecting on and questioning past experiences. It's a natural part of growing and understanding ourselves better. Thank you for trusting us with this. We appreciate you!