I recently unlocked a memory from when I was young (around 5 years old) that's bothering me. My best friend and I, who was the same age, were playing with dolls in her bedroom. At one point, we inserted the heads of the dolls into our private areas. I remember feeling uncomfortable. I'm not sure if this would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or if I'm overreacting. I feel ashamed about this memory and hesitant to bring it up with my therapist. Was this COCSA, or am I misinterpreting what happened?

Thank you for sharing this memory and your concerns. It can be challenging to reflect on childhood experiences that leave us confused or uncomfortable and we appreciate your trust in us.

What you're describing sounds like a form of childhood sexual exploration, which is actually quite common. Children around ages 3-6 often engage in exploratory play as they begin to develop curiosity about bodies and sensations. This type of exploration between children of similar ages who are discovering their bodies without an understanding of sexual meaning is developmentally normal, even when it feels uncomfortable to recall as an adult.

The discomfort you feel now is completely understandable. As adults, we view these experiences through a different lens than we did as children. The shame you're experiencing is a common reaction when we recall childhood experiences that don't align with our adult understanding of appropriate behavior.

COCSA typically involves a power imbalance, coercion, or a significant age difference. From what you've described—two children of the same age engaging in exploratory play—this likely falls within the spectrum of normal childhood curiosity rather than abuse.

It's important to recognize that your feelings about this memory are valid, regardless of how the experience might be categorized. Feeling uncomfortable during the experience is significant and worth acknowledging. Many adults look back on childhood exploration with complex emotions, especially when memories resurface unexpectedly.

Remember that you were a child navigating the world in the best way you knew how. Being gentle with yourself and understanding that this was part of normal development can help reduce feelings of shame. Your younger self was still learning about boundaries and the world around you, without the context and knowledge you have now.

I would encourage you to consider sharing this with a mental health professional if this continues to distress you. They are trained to discuss such memories without judgment and can help you process these feelings of shame. Many people have similar childhood experiences they feel confused about, and a mental health provider can provide personalized support as you make sense of this memory and its impact on you.

Remember that reaching out, as you've done here, is already a positive step forward in processing these emotions. You're not alone in having these experiences or these feelings about them. Thank you for reaching out to us.