I have a memory from when I was young where my dad let me rub his chest to help me fall asleep. I'm not sure how to feel about this memory or whether I should try to forget it. How do I deal with this?

Thank you for trusting us with this memory and these difficult feelings. It is completely normal to feel unsure about a confusing childhood memory, especially when it revives strong emotions or discomfort. 

At four to seven years old, you were still learning about boundaries and appropriate touch, and you depended on the adults around you to guide and protect you. Children naturally seek comfort and closeness in many different ways, and needing soothing touch to fall asleep is completely normal developmental behavior. Many children find comfort in tactile experiences, and parents often allow various forms of physical contact that help children self-soothe and feel secure. Chest contact can be particularly comforting for children due to the warmth, heartbeat, and closeness it provides. Having a memory of this experience and feeling uneasy now does not make you flawed or mistaken; it reflects the natural process of recalling early experiences and questioning what they meant.

It's also completely normal for memories to surface unexpectedly, sometimes years later. Our brains sometimes bring up memories when we're trying to make sense of our past or understand ourselves better. The fact that this memory has come up now doesn't mean something was necessarily wrong...it may simply be a moment your mind is revisiting as you process your childhood.

If you find yourself unable to stop thinking about this, it might help to talk with someone you trust, such as a counselor trained in understanding childhood experiences, or even a close friend or family member who respects your feelings. Sharing the memory in a supportive environment can offer the validation you may need. It can also help you sort out why the memory is resurfacing, how it affects you now, and what steps feel right to manage any lingering distress. You are not obligated to forget or dismiss something that makes you uncomfortable. You deserve the option to explore these feelings in a compassionate way, at a pace that feels safe for you. Sometimes, just acknowledging the memory and allowing yourself time to reflect can bring some relief.

Remember that you were a child at the time, with little understanding or control over the situation, and what happened was not your fault. You deserve care and acceptance as you decide whether, and how, you want to deal with this recollection. You get to decide what this memory means for you, and your feelings, whatever they are, are valid. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.