I don't think I was abused as a child, but starting in high school I began having fleeting relationships with lots of sex. It was common in my friend group. I've continued a pattern of being attracted to people who treat me badly. How can I change this pattern?

It sounds like you've been carrying a sense of frustration and maybe even some self-blame for being caught in a cycle of relationships that don't uplift or respect you. What you're describing reflects patterns that many people recognize in their own lives, even when they don't have clear memories of childhood trauma. These behaviors can develop as responses to various experiences, including emotional neglect, boundary violations that might not register as "abuse" at the time, or growing up in environments where healthy relationship modeling wasn't present.

When we start having sexual experiences very young, especially when it becomes a dominant way of connecting with others, it can sometimes indicate that we learned early on to use our bodies or sexuality as a way to feel valued, wanted, or in control. This isn't about making poor choices—it's often about adapting to circumstances with the tools and understanding we had available at the time. The pattern of being attracted to people who treat you badly might reflect what feels familiar or what you've internalized about your own worth and what kind of treatment you deserve.

It's understandable that, when these patterns start early, like in high school, you might feel they're too ingrained to change. The fact that you're asking how you can "change your pattern" shows you're ready to look at them and make choices that feel healthier for you. It may help to remind yourself that you deserve relationships where respect and genuine care are present. That truth doesn't vanish, no matter what your past has looked like or how many difficult relationships you've experienced.

Moving forward often involves being curious about what you look for in a partner, and paying closer attention to how those values line up with the kind of care and respect you want in your life. It might also mean stepping back from people who reinforce that old pattern of being treated badly, even if you've known them for a long time. Taking small but consistent steps toward healthier connections (like surrounding yourself with friends or communities who show respect and kindness, or talking your feelings through with someone you trust) can help break those long-standing cycles.

Breaking these patterns is absolutely possible, though it often requires patience with yourself and sometimes professional support to understand the underlying beliefs and experiences that shaped them. Many people find that therapy, particularly trauma-informed approaches, can be incredibly helpful in understanding these patterns and developing healthier ways of connecting with others. You're not locked into one path, even if it felt that way for a long time. Every time you reach out, set a boundary, or choose kindness toward yourself instead of blame, you're taking a step toward changing those patterns you're worried are set. You deserve relationships built on respect, care, and genuine affection and recognizing that these patterns exist is already an important step toward creating the change you're seeking.