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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal with us. We are so sorry you are struggling with this. What you're experiencing is not uncommon. Traumatic memories, particularly from childhood, often resurface during significant life transitions like beginning a new relationship.
The uncertainty you're feeling about these memories is completely normal. Many survivors experience fragmented or unclear memories, especially with childhood trauma. This doesn't make your experience any less valid. The behavioral changes you described - school difficulties, bed-wetting, and refusing to see your father - are significant reactions that often accompany childhood trauma.
Since your current mental health providers haven't offered specific guidance, you might consider reaching out to professionals who specialize in trauma and childhood sexual abuse. These specialists are specifically trained to help process repressed memories and can offer more targeted support than general practitioners.
For addressing trauma from years ago, several options are available. Specialized trauma therapy approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or trauma-focused CBT can help process these memories in a safe environment. Support groups for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse can provide validation and reduce isolation.
A particularly valuable resource is the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), which offers confidential support services through their National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673) or online chat. Their trained advocates can provide detailed information about your options and connect you with local resources tailored to your situation, including information about legal options. Many states have extended or eliminated statutes of limitations for childhood sexual abuse cases, and these advocates can explain the specific options in your area without any pressure to pursue them.
Remember that healing isn't linear, and it's perfectly okay to seek a second opinion or find a new therapist if your current one isn't meeting your needs. The most important thing is that you feel supported and heard throughout this process. Thank you so much for trusting us with this situation. You are not alone.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.