Do you have any tips for talking to friends about my past sexual assault and my boundaries as a result of it? How do I approach that when they’re also triggered by sexual assault? I feel like if I just got it off my chest I’d finally feel better, but I don’t know how to do that without ruining our friendship. Thank you so much. The work that y’all do is so valuable and you’ve helped me work through stuff a lot in the past.

Thank you so much for reaching out and for your kind words. I'm glad to hear that our support has been helpful to you in the past. It means a lot to hear your positive feedback. This work is extremely important to us.

It's completely understandable that you want to share your experience with your friends and establish and explain your boundaries as a result of it. Opening up about such personal matters can be a significant step toward healing, but it can also feel daunting, especially when you're concerned about triggering others who may have their own experiences with sexual assault.

The environment and timing of these conversations matter greatly. Choose a time and place where you can talk privately and without interruptions, ideally when neither you nor your friends are already feeling stressed or overwhelmed. This helps create a comfortable space for sensitive discussion. Consider opening the conversation gently by saying something like, "There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about that's important to me. I understand it might be a sensitive topic, and I completely respect whatever level of conversation you're comfortable with." This gives your friends agency to prepare emotionally or let you know if they're not in a space for that conversation.

One approach that often helps is focusing first on present-day boundaries and needs, rather than past experiences. For example, you might say, "There are certain situations that I find challenging now, and I want to share these boundaries with you because you're important to me." This acknowledges the impact of past experiences while staying centered on current needs and the value of your friendship. If your friends seem hesitant or express discomfort, you can reassure them that you understand and don't want to cause distress.

Remember that sharing doesn't have to happen all at once. Think of it like slowly wading into a pool rather than diving in - you can test the waters and adjust based on how everyone responds. This gradual approach allows everyone to process at their own pace while maintaining their sense of safety and control.

While there may be fears about damaging friendships by sharing difficult experiences, thoughtful disclosure often strengthens bonds through deeper understanding. If friends indicate they aren't ready to engage with this content, remember this reflects their need to protect their own wellbeing rather than a rejection of your experiences or connection. 

It's okay if the conversation doesn't go exactly as planned. The fact that you're considering their feelings shows your care for them. If they're not able to engage in the discussion, it doesn't mean your friendship is at risk. It might just mean they need more time or aren't in the right place to talk about this topic.

It might also be helpful to seek support from a counselor or a survivor support group external of your friend group as well where you can share your experiences freely with others who understand and can provide guidance. This can alleviate some of the weight you feel and provide alternative avenues for expressing yourself without feeling like you're burdening your friends.

Ultimately, being honest about your feelings and needs is important. You are prioritizing your wellbeing while showing consideration for your friends, which is a testament to the strength of your relationships. Give yourself credit for that, and take things at a pace that feels right for you.

Please know that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. We're here for you whenever you need to reach out. Thank you for trusting us with this.