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Describe immediate supports that should be given to a victim that has just been violated.
Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you so much for this question. When a survivor discloses a sexual assault experience to you, it can often be difficult to know how to respond and support them appropriately. While every situation is different, the following are suggestions from survivors and their advocates.
The first and most important thing you can do is listen to them without interruption. Rather than starting with doubt, start by believing. Allow the survivor to lead the conversation. Match the terminology of the survivor and do not label their experience for them. Avoid asking unnecessary questions and let the survivor know you are glad that they told you. It is important to recognize that silence is okay.
Next, support the survivor. Ask if they feel safe. If they do not, help them call 911 or get in touch with other resources in your community that can support their safety. If they are willing, you may want to help them connect with a local rape crisis center or sexual assault hotline. If there are serious physical or mental injuries, encourage them to seek a medical evaluation so that they can receive treatment for any bodily harm and can receive medications to prevent sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy, and other sexual violence-related complications.
Most of all, affirm their courage and strength. Ask “how can I be helpful?” Respect the decisions the survivor makes even if you do not agree with them. This person has had their power and control taken away from them so it is important that they have control over this conversation with you.
Remember, there are a variety of local and national organizations devoted to comprehensive crisis intervention, advocacy, and support. You are not expected to be an expert in this topic, but directing survivors to people who are will help them get continued care and allow them to receive tailored information for their needs.
Finally, be gentle with yourself. You may feel anger towards the situation or towards the perpetrator. You may feel helpless that you can't relieve the survivor of their suffering. You may feel guilt that you didn’t notice the situation sooner. You may even worry that you did not say the right things. Know your feelings are valid and if you need to seek help for these feelings too that is also okay. Just by listening and being there, you are doing enough.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.