Could you talk about "faking consent?"

The concept of "faking consent" is a harmful myth that has no place in discussions about sexual assault. This idea is often weaponized to blame survivors and excuse perpetrators. There is no such thing as "faking" consent. Consent is an active, enthusiastic, and ongoing agreement to participate in sexual activity. It must be freely given without pressure or coercion and is reversible at any time.

The myth of "faking consent" ignores the reality of power dynamics in many situations where survivors may feel pressured or coerced into saying "yes" due to fear, power imbalances, or threats. Additionally, this harmful concept disregards non-verbal cues that are crucial in understanding consent. Consent isn't just about words; body language, tone, and context all matter. Someone might say "yes" while their body language clearly shows discomfort or reluctance. This isn't "faking" - it's a mismatch between verbal and non-verbal communication that should prompt a check-in, not a green light to proceed.

The term "faking consent" oversimplifies complex situations. Sexual encounters can be complicated. Someone might initially consent but change their mind during the act, or they might freeze up and be unable to voice their discomfort. These situations aren't examples of "faking" - they illustrate why ongoing, enthusiastic consent is crucial. Perhaps most harmfully, this myth places blame on survivors, suggesting they're somehow responsible for their assault. This is never true. The responsibility always lies with the person who chose to violate someone else's boundaries.

To survivors who have been told they "faked consent" or who are struggling with feelings of guilt or self-blame: It's not your fault. Never. Your feelings are valid, whatever they may be. There are support services available if you need someone to talk to, and you don't owe anyone an explanation or justification for your experience. Remember: The only person responsible for sexual assault is the person who harmed you. You are believed, you are supported, and you are not alone.