COCSA includes coercion or manipulation, however it is unclear what coercion can look like in these situations. What behaviours might count as coercion between children, particularly in younger preadolescent children?

Thank you for asking this question. Coercion, at its core, means that one person's ability to freely say no has been taken away or worn down. It does not require a raised voice or a physical threat. Between adults, we often picture coercion as open threats or physical force. Between children, and especially younger children who have not yet reached their teenage years, coercion tends to look quieter and more relational. It can be subtle enough that neither child has the words to name it at the time, and yet its effects are just as real.

One of the most common and least recognized forms of coercion between children is persistent asking. When a child asks once, is told no or met with hesitation, and then keeps asking anyway, they are wearing down the other child's resistance. Eventually, going along feels like the only way to make the discomfort stop. The child who says yes in that situation has not made a free choice. They have simply run out of the energy to hold their boundary.

Emotional leverage appears frequently as well. This can look like a child saying "if you don't do this, I won't be your friend anymore," or "I thought you trusted me," or "you're being such a baby." For young children whose social world often centers around one or two close friendships, the threat of losing that relationship is genuinely frightening. It creates a situation where the child feels they must choose between feeling safe in their body and feeling safe in their friendships. That is not a free choice.

Guilt and obligation can work in a similar way. A child might be told "I did something nice for you, so now you have to do this," or "you already said yes before, you can't say no now." These framings take advantage of a child's growing sense of fairness and turn it into a feeling of debt, one that overrides their instinct to refuse. Bribery works in a related way. Offering a child candy, gifts, attention, or social inclusion in exchange for sexual contact is a form of coercion, because it creates a kind of pressure a young child is not equipped to fully understand or resist. A child who was offered something to participate was manipulated, not complicit.

Coercion can also look like framing sexual activity as normal or expected. A child might say "this is what friends do," or "everyone does this," or "I saw this on TV, it's normal." For younger children who are still learning what is and is not appropriate, these statements can be genuinely disorienting. They may not know that what is being described is not, in fact, what everyone does. That confusion is part of how coercion works, by making the child doubt their own instincts.

Secrecy is worth naming on its own. When one child insists that what is happening must stay secret, particularly by framing that secrecy as necessary ("we'll both get in trouble" or "no one will believe you"), this is a coercive tactic. It isolates the child being targeted, deepens their sense of shame, and makes it harder for them to ask for help. Secrecy in this context is not a neutral request. It is a way of maintaining control.

Power differences also matter significantly. Power between children does not come only from age, though age and developmental maturity do matter. It can also come from size, social status within a peer group or family, a sense of authority, or emotional influence over a younger or more vulnerable child. When one child uses any of these advantages to pressure another into sexual contact, that pressure is coercive even if nothing threatening was said out loud. Physical positioning can function similarly. If a child places themselves between another child and the door, or creates a situation where the other child feels unable to leave without a confrontation, that is a form of pressure even if no one is being held down.

Coercion does not require that the child who experienced it said no out loud. Many children freeze, go quiet, look away, or simply stop responding when they feel overwhelmed. These are the body's natural responses to threat, not signs of agreement. A child who goes still is not consenting. A child who does not fight back is not consenting. A child who eventually goes along after sustained pressure is not consenting freely.

This matters because children who experienced coercion in these quieter forms often spend years wondering whether what happened to them was real or serious. They may hold themselves to a harsh standard, feeling that they did not refuse loudly or clearly enough. The absence of a dramatic refusal does not mean the absence of harm. It is also worth holding the fact that in many of these situations, the child who caused harm may have been acting out of their own confusion, their own exposure to abuse, or their own distress. That context is important.

Thank you for asking this. We hope this helps!