Can you broaden the definition of tonic immobility? I'm struggling with self-blame about my rape because I wasn't immobile the entire time. There were moments where I was frozen and wondering why I wasn't moving. There were also moments where I spoke up against what was happening, but when he disregarded me, I froze again. I tried so hard to advocate for myself but was in shock. During the moments I was frozen, I tried to breathe and hoped I could somehow "enjoy it." Does tonic immobility have a range of duration, or is an intermittent experience like mine actually common?

Thank you for asking this. What you're describing is not only valid, it's actually a very accurate and nuanced experience of tonic immobility.

Tonic immobility is often described as a complete inability to move, but that's an oversimplification that leaves a lot of survivors feeling like their experience doesn't "qualify." In reality, tonic immobility exists on a spectrum and can be intermittent. Research confirms that experiencing tonic immobility for only part of an assault is far more common than most people realize, meaning variability in duration is not even the exception. The body can also move between different defensive states during a traumatic event, which helps explain why moments of attempted action, like speaking up, can give way to freezing again, especially when those attempts are met with continued threat.

The moments where you were frozen and wondering why you weren't moving are one of the most painful hallmarks of tonic immobility. That awareness is a deeply distressing part of the experience that many survivors describe. It is also one of the reasons self-blame can feel so convincing, because it can feel like you "should" have been able to do something. But that sense of being stuck while aware is a neurological event, not a reflection of your willingness or desire.

Trying to breathe through those frozen moments, or hoping to find some way to tolerate what was happening, is also a recognized survival response. When the nervous system determines it cannot escape a threat, it will sometimes shift toward any strategy that makes the experience more survivable, including attempts at dissociation, or trying to find something, anything, to endure the moment. This is not enjoyment, and it is not consent. It is your mind trying to protect you from the full weight of what was being done to you.

Your did what you needed to do to survive at the time. Self-blame often focuses on what we didn't do, but your body and mind were actively working to protect you throughout. That deserves acknowledgment, and it deserves compassion.