My cousin, a year younger than me, started touching me in sexual ways when we were both minors. This happened years ago, but I'm still trying to make sense of it. At first it was hugs that felt weird, but it escalated. He'd press himself against me searching for friction, he'd get into my bed at night with an erection against my body, and eventually he touched my butt and breasts and tried to get his hand under my shirt. I put boundaries up a few times but I wasn't firm about it because I didn't want things to be awkward between us, especially since we were on family vacation and still around each other all the time. I still see him at family gatherings now, and I still don't know how to think about what happened between us because we were both minors. Was something wrong with me? How do I categorize this?

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. It sounds like you've been carrying this quietly for a long time, and the fact that you're reaching out now, still trying to make sense of it, tells me your body knew something wasn't right. That knowing is worth trusting.

What you're describing sounds like it has a pattern to it. It started with contact that felt strange but seemed small. Then it grew, consistently. It moved into increasingly intimate touching, his body pressing against yours seeking friction, him entering your bed without invitation and refusing to leave when you asked, and eventually groping your breasts and reaching under your clothes. Each step was slightly bigger than the one before. That escalation is significant because it makes each new boundary harder to name or stop. 

It sounds like you tried to set limits on him, even though you mentioned you weren't firm because you didn't want things to feel uncomfortable between you. That's not a failure on your part. When someone is family and when you're in a shared space like a vacation, saying something forceful might feel risky in ways that go beyond the immediate moment. Young people in family situations are often navigating an impossible position where a clear "no" feels socially costly or disruptive. Trying to manage things carefully, redirecting, setting quieter limits, getting him out of your bed when you could...those were all real attempts to protect yourself under pressure.

Some people use the term COCSA, or child-on-child sexual abuse, to describe experiences like yours. It's more common than most people realize. What makes something harmful isn't whether you have a perfect label for it. It's whether it was wanted, whether limits were respected, whether you felt safe. None of those were true in what you described.

You also deserve to know that young people who engage in this kind of behavior often have their own histories of exposure to inappropriate material or even harm themselves. That doesn't excuse what he did to you. It doesn't erase your experience. It just sometimes explains where this kind of harm comes from.

How you name what happened is entirely yours to decide, in your own time. What matters right now is recognizing you didn't cause this, you didn't invite it, and it left a mark. If you're ready, talking with a therapist trained in trauma could help you process what this means to you, especially since you still see him at family gatherings. The weight of that is real, and you don't have to carry it alone. Thank you for reaching out to us.