--- title: Surviving a violent assault ~ Our Wave Community description: It seems like everywhere i turn, I am getting assaulted and or preyed upon. From 17 to 18, I was in a relationship with a 35 yearold man. He had phone sex... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017)[Español](/es/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017)[日本語](/ja/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017) [ About Us ](https://www.ourwave.org/en/who-we-are) Made with in Raleigh, NC Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us 🇺🇸 ###### Survivor story # Surviving a violent assault Original story Community note This story contains references to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a crisis helpline. It seems like everywhere i turn, I am getting assaulted and or preyed upon. From 17 to 18, I was in a relationship with a 35 yearold man. He had phone sex with me before I turned 18. My brain fog is very bad, so i honestly dont remember much. At 17, I worked a job where customers would openly make remarks about having sex with me. One of my older co workers even grabbed my hips, only to apologize and say "all you women are just so beautiful." I was told not to report this, because he was so sweet and loving to his wife. Right before I turned nineteen, I was violently assaulted by a man i went on a date with. He groped me in a public area and I told him no. He proceeded to tell me to "tell him if anything he did made me uncomfortable." And then he proceeded to grope me again. I gave up at that point. He was also kissing me with nicotine gum in his mouth, which i told him to spit out. He did, and then later kissed me with it again. It gave me the worst migraine. Like my head was splitting open. But I still went home with him. I didnt want to be alone. Obviously that entails sex. I knew that. What I didnt know was that he was going to spend the next combination of about 9 hours trying to get off. Not only that, but in the most aggressive ways possible. He yanked my hair and held me down so hard it formed a scar that still reappears sometimes. I believe at some points, because it wasnt penetration, i remember him shoving my head into a pillow. I wonder if he was trying to suffocate me. He jerked off on top of me, digging his fist into my ribcage. He bruised my spinal cord. I didnt truly understand what had happened. I tried to explain to him i had prior experience being assaulted- but he told me rape was only penetration. I cried in his bed that night. The next morning he resumed. I didnt consider this sexual assault and possibly even rape for a while. I was angry about my spine though- and texted him that. He told me I had said "choke me daddy" which i did not.. and that I better not start acting like one of those "bpd bitches." I also sometimes wonder if this was somehow an attempted homicide of some sort, even if that sounds extreme. Some people around me have told me it doesnt hold up as trauma, because I put myself in that situation. My boyfriend now just tells me hes sorry over and over. Its not the comfort I need, I need the pressure to have sex be totally gone. I wish I was dead. I still worry that I made this up. Random Story [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017#comments) - Report ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017)[Español](/es/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017)[日本語](/ja/story/surviving-a-violent-assault-2017) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready