--- title: Steel Cards Castle ~ Our Wave Community description: I´ve never talked about sex abuse with my friends, at least not of when it happened to me, but I feel like people should know and specially I feel the need of... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/story/steel-cards-castle-71.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/steel-cards-castle-71)[Español](/es/story/steel-cards-castle-71)[日本語](/ja/story/steel-cards-castle-71) [ About Us ](https://www.ourwave.org/en/who-we-are) Made with in Raleigh, NC Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us 🇺🇸 ##### Survivor story # Steel Cards Castle Original story ##### Message of Healing I am not sure what being healed means. I don't know if I am supposed to forget of forgive, because I don't think I can forget but I can and will forgive. I think healing is doing what makes you feel better, and getting up trying to be okay, going to bed trying not to think about it, and one day we won't have to try anymore. I believe healing is helping, is making others feel support and love. When I help others, I see the pain from outside, and I helps me understand my own, it helps me heal. We are amazing people that won't give up on the beauty of life. I´ve never talked about sex abuse with my friends, at least not of when it happened to me, but I feel like people should know and specially I feel the need of getting it out. I feel that somehow, letting the story out, might help me release the pain I´ve been bottling up for years. I remember being touched when I was a little girl, I can't and I really don't try to remember how far it went and how many times it happened, it is not something I want to remember. It wasn't until a few years ago that I did. I was at a party, having drinks and fun with my friends, I was 17 years old. It was supposed to be just us, and it's part of why I drank so carelessly, but other boys arrived later that night. I started talking with one of them, I remember more drinks, smoke, and the smell of cigars that still give me chills from time to time. I could barely walk and he took me to the barn behind, I know there was someone if not him that recorded what happened, and that still followed me years later. I tried talking to my friends about it, most of the guys just said it was my fault, how could I do that, I should’ve at least used one of the rooms, some girls told me not to worry, and there was just one that said he would take care of it. He never did. I didn't realize it was abuse until a year later, before that I believed my friends and felt ashamed of not being able to stop him and doing it out in the open. I don't drink anymore like I used to, I don't go out as much, and even though I love horses I am terrified of being in a barn. I now stand up for girls that get abused, I take care of others at parties when I see they had a lot to drink, even if I don't know them. I went out and protested for safer places, I sign petitions, I listen to their stories and admire them for being strong enough to speak, and I try to help them, but this helps ME heal. I guess that in a way it is what I needed somewhere along the process, I needed protection and someone to believe what I was saying, someone to listen and to stand by my side. I feel like I am made of steel somedays, standing side by side with my sisters and my gals, sometimes I feel this strength even when I'm by myself. But there are other days that I'm just a castle made of poker cards, and with the most gentle touch I can fall apart. Every time I fall, I like to believe I come back up stronger, I truly do believe it, but boy it can be a long way down and really hard the moment I hit the ground. It helps me knowing that I'm not alone, and just like I will fight for every one of us, others will fight for me too. The abuse is not something that defines me, but it did shape me and is one of the thousands of stories that made me who I am. I am a fighter, just like all of you. I am bold, helpful, empathetic, loving and strong. I know you are too. Random Story [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/story/steel-cards-castle-71#comments) - Report #### Just Checking... #### Discard Message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/story/steel-cards-castle-71?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/steel-cards-castle-71)[Español](/es/story/steel-cards-castle-71)[日本語](/ja/story/steel-cards-castle-71) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready