--- title: ex-tried to hold me hostage ~ Our Wave Community description: When I was 17 years old and pregnant, I was trapped in a relationship with a boyfriend I had been with since the age of 15. My life at the time was an... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 ###### Survivor story # ex-tried to hold me hostage Original story ##### Message to a Survivor Don't let what happens stop you from being who you are and honestly hope to find others who are similar to me. ##### Message of Healing that even though I got away from my ex I still was held hostage by my parents in away but that is another topic. I would say even after all of this I am glad I am able to try and reach for my goals even though it can still be hard sometimes. When I was 17 years old and pregnant, I was trapped in a relationship with a boyfriend I had been with since the age of 15. My life at the time was an impossible choice between two toxic environments. My home life was incredibly unstable; my father was abusive, my mother did nothing to intervene, and both of my parents were fully aware that my boyfriend was abusive to me as well. Throughout our relationship, my ex subjected me to severe control and sexual assault. Once, during an argument, he locked me inside his car and refused to let me out. Another time, when I was only 15 and completely unaware of what it even was, he forced me into a van late at night with his mother and stepfather. Instead of taking me home, they drove me to an unfamiliar city hour away and forced me to take the morning-after pill. Later, while I was pregnant, I was riding in a car with him and his older brother to a distant city I had never been to. When I asked to stop because I needed to use the bathroom, my ex told me I simply had to hold it until we arrived. His own family life was chaotic. His mother was dating a man who was actively fleeing the police to avoid paying child support, meaning they were frequently gone. Eventually, my ex moved out to a run-down, abandoned house that had belonged to his late father. He was so consumed by jealousy that he forbade either of us from going to school. He constantly threatened to hurt himself if I ever left him, and the overwhelming stress eventually forced me to drop out. Although he lived with me at my parents' house for a short time, he ultimately forced me to move into that dilapidated property with him. The house had no running water or electricity; we had to use a bucket as a toilet and wash ourselves outside with a cold-water hose. I went along with it only because I desperately wanted to escape the abuse at my own home, not realizing I was stepping into another trap. To make matters worse, his parents eventually moved in with us, even though we already had barely any food to survive.During my pregnancy, I suffered from severe complications, including blood sugar spikes that required me to eat specific foods like jelly, but there was almost nothing else available. Shortly after his parents moved in, my ex told me we would have to wait two weeks for food stamps before we could get anything to eat. He isolated me entirely, refusing to let my family visit and forbidding me from leaving. He even began cruelly claiming that the baby wasn’t his.Terrified, starved, and exhausted, I found a corner of the house that had just enough cell signal to call my mother. I asked her if I would be a "baby" if I came back home, and she told me no. Realizing I had to escape, I lied to my ex and told him there was an item at my parents' house that we needed for the baby. He resisted, but because he had errands to run in town anyway, he finally agreed to drive me.When we stopped at a bank along the way, I sneaked into the bathroom to call my mom and confirm we were coming. Once we arrived at my parents' house, I refused to get back in the car. My ex flew into a rage, grabbed me by the hair, and told me he should have locked me in a room. The absolute terror of the moment threw me into preterm labor. My mother managed to get him to leave by convincing him she needed to take me straight to the hospital. Believing I would still return to him afterward, he left to go rent movies. Fortunately, the hospital managed to stop the labor, and I was able to return to my parents' house. My ex showed up again and tried to confront me, but this time my father intervened and forced him to leave. Though he continued to harass me for a long time afterward, I was finally free. Looking back, I realize that at just 17 years old, I was essentially surviving a kidnapping and a hostage situation ( I do go by he/him) Random Story [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988#comments) - Report ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. 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Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988)[Español](/es/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988)[日本語](/ja/story/ex-tried-to-hold-me-hostage-1988) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready