--- title: #1888 ~ Our Wave Community description: Hey, this is a quick overview of my story. TW: mentions of ||SA, coercion, boundary crossing, dishonesty, raising voices|| This occured with my boyfriend.... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 ##### Survivor story # #1888 Original story ##### Message to a Survivor As a survivor of DV for years and repeated SA, I understand in part how devastating and hopeless this abuse can make you feel. There is a path forward and even if your road looks different, it is valid. Keep fighting - you are not alone. If you feel alone, search for community - we want to find you, too, and help you heal. We stand with you. 💜 ##### Message of Healing Healing means loving yourself again, giving yourself a chance at living freely, and moving forward beyond the past. The hope is that the past can be a known acquaintance that you can acknowledge but not let control you. Healing lets you make peace with where you are at and where you are going. It can be a lifelong journey, but that's okay because it helps us build resilience, self love, and self security. And that's a beautiful thing. 💜 Hey, this is a quick overview of my story. TW: mentions of ||SA, coercion, boundary crossing, dishonesty, raising voices|| This occured with my boyfriend. We started dating in April 2024. April 2024: I set boundaries regarding no touching of my ||chest|| and no ||s\*xual activity||. He agrees that he will respect my choices and treat my decisions as if they are his own. He begins to start pushing that boundary by end of April and into May. May 2024: We were on a date and eventually we were ||making out||. One minute he was ||kissing me||, the next second he did ||SA by dry h\*mping||. I froze up and couldn't speak, was just crying silently. ||He kept going, I don't know how long. He finally stopped when he realized I didn't respond.|| I was so dissociated by this point that I couldn't register properly when he asked if I was okay. He then shortly after ||violated the chest boundary by kissing near there.|| I then broke down and had a dissociative episode/panic attack. I blocked everything out after that night and couldn't remember it. I did not remember what happened until July, when I had a flashback; I began to piece things together from there. I remember most of it now. He knew about the ||SA|| but did not tell me and did not plan to tell me. June 2024: ||He reintroduced me to the same s\*xual activity as what happened in the SA.|| I recently recognized that this is also ||SA since I couldn't give informed consent (didn't know about the May SA)||. July 2024: I find out about May. That sucks. He also struggles with some honesty pieces. September 2024: I find out about him not telling me about the ||SA|| and him not planning to ever.October-November: I ask for space after he tries to ||pressure me into taking a class with him|| and ||ignored me/made fun of me when I was vulnerable with him||. Then the next day he tells me that the ||space was good|| and maybe we should consider reducing time spent together. Basically 2 weeks of terribleness. December 2024: He ||raises his voice|| at me and admits he has had some ||anger and resentment towards me||. It has dissipated per him now though, but he doesn't know how long it has been there. He had been defensive before and often not in a "good headspace" to talk about things. October 2025: ||I was cuddling with my boyfriend, facing away from him and then I felt him moving aganist me (with his crotch aganist my butt). Once I realized what was happening I asked what he was doing and moved away from him. The thing is we talked about this before a long time ago and I had said that I always wanted cuddling to be emotional intimacy instead of s\*xual. But then he said he didn't remember that and that he thought I wanted it too. || Now: I'm in therapy twice a week (have been in therapy for years) but also started night intensive outpatient (IOP) online. That made a big difference for me and now I'm doing "more" better. I'm even moving out of a toxic home environment and am part of a SA survivor community. It does get better, and we can move forward from these things to love ourselves again. 💜 Random Story [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f#comments) - Report #### Just Checking... #### Discard Message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f)[Español](/es/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f)[日本語](/ja/story/2807b800-d57c-4ec6-a560-aa8adf4e4f8f) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready