---
title: Understanding specific types of trauma and harm: Expert Answers ~ Our Wave
description: Understanding specific types of trauma and harm: 137 survivor questions answered by trauma-informed experts in the Our Wave community.
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm.md
---

{{customAnalyticsScripts}}

[\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/)

[

Community

](/en/)[

Questions & Answers

](/en/learn)[

Find Support

](/en/resources)

Share story

Post a message

0

Users

0

Views

0

Reactions

0

Stories read

##### Need to take a break?

Try a grounding activity

For immediate help, visit {{resource}}

Show resources for

\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba

[\[Image: United States\]United States](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=cr)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)[Español](/es/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)[日本語](/ja/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)

[

About Us

](https://www.ourwave.org/en/who-we-are)

Made with in Raleigh, NC

Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms)

Have feedback? Send it to us

# Understanding specific types of trauma and harm

Ask a question

Questions about what different kinds of abuse and harm are, how they are defined, and how they can affect the people who live through them.

137 questions from survivors on this topic, each answered by a trauma-informed expert.

[

#### When I was young, my younger sibling who was 6 at the time repeatedly engaged in sexual acts with me over the course of a week. I allowed it to happen because it felt good at the time and I didn't think it was wrong. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. What you've described is a complex and confusing situation that some children face, but aren't sure how to make sense of as adults. Developmentally, it's common for children, especially young ones, to explore their bodies and engage in sexual play with other children as part of learning about their bodies and sexuality. In this vein, some degree of exploratory play between siblings is also not unusual, particularly if there hasn't been a lot of education about boundaries. However, dependin...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-young-my-younger-sibling-who-was-6-at-the-time-repeatedly-engaged-in-sexual-acts-with-me-over-the-course-of-a-week-i-allowed-it-to-happen-because-it-felt-good-at-the-time-and-i-didnt-think-it-was-wrong-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-156)

5 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

3 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-young-my-younger-sibling-who-was-6-at-the-time-repeatedly-engaged-in-sexual-acts-with-me-over-the-course-of-a-week-i-allowed-it-to-happen-because-it-felt-good-at-the-time-and-i-didnt-think-it-was-wrong-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-156#comments)

[

#### If someone who was 12-13 placed their hand on a younger child's fully clothed crotch area for a few seconds, and removed their hand when the younger child said something, would this typically be considered criminal behavior or abuse/assault in the US?

🇺🇸

This situation involves inappropriate sexual contact with a significant age gap between the children involved. Whether this would be legally classified as abuse, assault, or criminal behavior depends on several factors, including the specific laws in your state, the ages involved, and the context of what happened. Different jurisdictions handle these situations differently, and some might address this through child welfare systems rather than the criminal justice system due to the ages of those involved.

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-12-13-placed-their-hand-on-a-younger-childs-fully-clothed-crotch-area-for-a-few-seconds-and-removed-their-hand-when-the-younger-child-said-something-would-this-typically-be-consider)

2 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

27 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-12-13-placed-their-hand-on-a-younger-childs-fully-clothed-crotch-area-for-a-few-seconds-and-removed-their-hand-when-the-younger-child-said-something-would-this-typically-be-consider#comments)

[

#### Is it abuse to force or pressure someone into a romantic relationship or into dating you?

🇰🇼

Yes, forcing or pressuring someone into a romantic relationship or into dating is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. Everyone has the right to make their own choices about relationships freely and without coercion. When someone tries to compel another person to be in a relationship against their will, it disregards their feelings and autonomy, which can lead to emotional distress and harm.

](/en/answer/is-it-abuse-to-force-or-pressure-someone-into-a-romantic-relationship-or-into-dating-you-449)

3 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

1 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-it-abuse-to-force-or-pressure-someone-into-a-romantic-relationship-or-into-dating-you-449#comments)

[

#### Is grooming always between a grown adult and a child?

🇺🇸

Grooming is not always between an adult and a child, although it is commonly portrayed as such. It is possible for a child to groom another child into sexual abuse, particularly if there is a significant age or developmental gap between them. Grooming is a process by which somoene gradually gains the trust of their intended victim, often by building a relationship with them or offering them special attention or gifts, and then uses that trust to manipulate and control the victim for sexual purposes. Grooming can happen in different contexts, s...

](/en/answer/is-grooming-always-between-a-grown-adult-and-a-child-64)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

3 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-grooming-always-between-a-grown-adult-and-a-child-64#comments)

[

#### Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA): Can a victim be older than their perpetrator?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question. Yes, it is possible for a victim of child-on-child sexual abuse to be older than their perpetrator. Child-on-child sexual abuse involves a minor engaging in sexually abusive behavior towards another minor. In such cases, the age difference between the survivor and the perpetrator can vary, and it is not solely dependent on the chronological age of the individuals involved.

](/en/answer/child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-can-a-victim-be-older-than-their-perpetrator-80)

4 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-can-a-victim-be-older-than-their-perpetrator-80#comments)

[

#### Is it sexual assault if I said no several times, but the other person kept insisting until I eventually said yes?

🇨🇱

I'm so sorry you went through this. What you're describing is a situation where your initial boundaries were clear. You said no multiple times. When someone continues to pressure you after you've declined, wearing you down until you agree, that "yes" isn't freely given. Consent requires that both people feel comfortable and respected in their decision. If you felt like you had to say "yes" just to stop the repeated insisting, or because you were exhausted by the pressure, it's understandable that this experience would leave you feeling violate...

](/en/answer/is-it-sexual-assault-if-i-said-no-several-times-but-the-other-person-kept-insisting-until-i-eventually-said-yes-782 "I'm so sorry you went through this. What you're describing is a situation where your initial boundaries were clear. You said no multiple times. When someone continues to pressure you after you've declined, wearing you down until you agree, that \"yes\" isn't freely given. Consent requires that both people feel comfortable and respected in their decision. If you felt like you had to say \"yes\" just to stop the repeated insisting, or because you were exhausted by the pressure, it's understandable that this experience would leave you feeling violate...")

4 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-it-sexual-assault-if-i-said-no-several-times-but-the-other-person-kept-insisting-until-i-eventually-said-yes-782#comments)

[

#### What is it called when someone is forced to assault someone else?

🇰🇼

Forced perpetration is a complex form of sexual abuse where someone is compelled, through threats, coercion, or physical force, to engage in sexual acts with another person against their will. This creates a situation where there are multiple victims: the person forced to commit the act and the person it was committed against. It's a deeply traumatic experience that can occur in various contexts, including domestic violence, child sexual abuse, human trafficking, or conflict situations.

](/en/answer/what-is-it-called-when-someone-is-forced-to-assault-someone-else-188)

2 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-is-it-called-when-someone-is-forced-to-assault-someone-else-188#comments)

[

#### Can you talk about sexting coercion?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this question! Especially during COVID, sexting coercion is something that many people can experience now that we are limiting our in-person exposure to others. The access we have to other people through the avenue of technology comes with both opportunities and threats. We have various experiences online, from connecting with new people to catching up with old friends. Technology has infiltrated every aspect of our culture, including sexual violence.

](/en/answer/can-you-talk-about-sexting-coercion-19)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/can-you-talk-about-sexting-coercion-19#comments)

[

#### Is anal sex considered rape?

🇲🇼

The word "rape" is used in many different contexts including survivors, advocates, and the legal system. Its exact definition can vary depending on where you look. Legally, definitions differ depending on where you live, and in most places the law does criminalize anal penetration without consent, though it may be called something different, like sexual assault or criminal sexual conduct. Outside of legal definitions, many advocates, educators, and support organizations define rape more broadly as any penetration without consent and that inclu...

](/en/answer/is-anal-sex-considered-rape-865 "The word \"rape\" is used in many different contexts including survivors, advocates, and the legal system. Its exact definition can vary depending on where you look. Legally, definitions differ depending on where you live, and in most places the law does criminalize anal penetration without consent, though it may be called something different, like sexual assault or criminal sexual conduct. Outside of legal definitions, many advocates, educators, and support organizations define rape more broadly as any penetration without consent and that inclu...")

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-anal-sex-considered-rape-865#comments)

[

#### I'm afraid to have kids because I'm scared they will grow up to either be abused or abuse other people. How reasonable is this fear? What can I do about it?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out about this. I want to acknowledge that your concern comes from a place of deep care and a desire to protect. It's understandable to have fears about bringing children into a world where abuse exists, and it's commendable that you're thinking critically about this before making such an important decision.

](/en/answer/im-afraid-to-have-kids-because-im-scared-they-will-grow-up-to-either-be-abused-or-abuse-other-people-how-reasonable-is-this-fear-what-can-i-do-about-it-274)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/im-afraid-to-have-kids-because-im-scared-they-will-grow-up-to-either-be-abused-or-abuse-other-people-how-reasonable-is-this-fear-what-can-i-do-about-it-274#comments)

[

#### How does religious trauma intertwine with sexual assault trauma?

🇺🇸

Thank you for bringing this question here. You are asking about two kinds of pain that often intertwine and your instinct that they are connected is well supported. Religious trauma is a term people use for lasting harm connected to religious beliefs, communities, or leaders. It is not a formal diagnosis, but clinicians increasingly recognize the pattern (e.g. fear of punishment, deep shame, difficulty trusting your own judgment, and grief over a lost community or relationship with God). Sexual assault trauma tends to live in many of the same...

](/en/answer/how-does-religious-trauma-intertwine-with-sexual-assault-trauma-975)

2 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/how-does-religious-trauma-intertwine-with-sexual-assault-trauma-975#comments)

[

#### If someone violates someone sexually but claims they didn't mean it sexually, is it still considered sexual abuse/assault?

🇰🇼

Great question. Sexual abuse/assault is defined by the nature of the act and its impact on the person who experienced it, not by the claimed intentions of the person who caused harm. If someone touches another person's private areas or engages in sexualized behavior that violates boundaries, that's sexual in nature regardless of what they say they meant to do.

](/en/answer/if-someone-violates-someone-sexually-but-claims-they-didnt-mean-it-sexually-is-it-still-considered-sexual-abuse-assault-332)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/if-someone-violates-someone-sexually-but-claims-they-didnt-mean-it-sexually-is-it-still-considered-sexual-abuse-assault-332#comments)

[

#### Discuss how cyberbullying of members of LGBTQ+ community could cause psychological harm.

🇿🇦

Thank you for this question. Cyberbullying directed at members of the LGBTQ+ community can have profound psychological effects, including harm related to or exacerbating previous histories of sexual violence. The online space, although it can provide a platform for support and connection, can also be a breeding ground for hate speech, discrimination, and harassment. It is never okay to cyberbully anyone regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

](/en/answer/discuss-how-cyberbullying-of-members-of-lgbtq-community-could-cause-psychological-harm-74)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/discuss-how-cyberbullying-of-members-of-lgbtq-community-could-cause-psychological-harm-74#comments)

[

#### What is COCSA? What is considered COCSA between same aged, pre-adolescent children? Are there any resources or research on the subject to help determine what behavior is healthy vs. abusive?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question. We receive a lot of questions about COCSA and I encourage you to read some of our other answers that relate to this as well as our recent blog post that summarizes what we know about it for more information. COCSA stands for Child on Child Sexual Abuse. It refers to sexual activity between children that involves coercion, force, or lack of consent. Determining whether sexual behavior between children is abusive depends on factors like whether there is a significant age or developmental difference, use of force, coe...

](/en/answer/what-is-cocsa-what-is-considered-cocsa-between-same-aged-pre-adolescent-children-are-there-any-resources-or-research-on-the-subject-to-help-determine-what-behavior-is-healthy-vs-abusive-123)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-is-cocsa-what-is-considered-cocsa-between-same-aged-pre-adolescent-children-are-there-any-resources-or-research-on-the-subject-to-help-determine-what-behavior-is-healthy-vs-abusive-123#comments)

[

#### When I was younger (9), someone four years older than me (13) touched my breast and genital area while I was sleeping. Would this generally be considered child-on-child sexual abuse, or would it be viewed as criminal activity in most places in the US?

🇺🇸

This situation would generally be understood as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The four-year age gap, the nature of the touching, and the fact that one child was asleep are all significant factors that indicate this was an abusive situation rather than age-appropriate exploration.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-9-someone-four-years-older-than-me-13-touched-my-breast-and-genital-area-while-i-was-sleeping-would-this-generally-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-or-would-it-be-viewed-as)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

7 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-9-someone-four-years-older-than-me-13-touched-my-breast-and-genital-area-while-i-was-sleeping-would-this-generally-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-or-would-it-be-viewed-as#comments)

[

#### Was it Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if we were the same age (11) and I only said yes after being asked repeatedly because I felt bad for rejecting them?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. If you feel that you were coerced into doing something you did not want to do, your feelings of distress and concern are entirely warranted. In terms of the person's age at the time of the incident, it's essential to recognize that age does not absolve someone of responsibility for their actions, particularly when it involves harming another individual. Regardless of their age, engaging in sexual coersive behavior is never acceptable.

](/en/answer/was-it-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-we-were-the-same-age-11-and-i-only-said-yes-after-being-asked-repeatedly-because-i-felt-bad-for-rejecting-them-98)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/was-it-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-we-were-the-same-age-11-and-i-only-said-yes-after-being-asked-repeatedly-because-i-felt-bad-for-rejecting-them-98#comments)

[

#### If someone who was drunk kissed someone who was sober/tipsy, would that be considered sexual assault? If so, who would be held accountable - the person who was drunk or the person who was sober/tipsy?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. The situation you're describing involves nuanced considerations about consent and accountability, which can be complex. When alcohol is involved, consent becomes more complicated because intoxication can impair someone's ability to give meaningful consent. The level of intoxication matters significantly - someone who is extremely intoxicated may not be able to consent to sexual activity, while someone who is mildly intoxicated might still have the capacity to make decisions. Consent must...

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-drunk-kissed-someone-who-was-sober-tipsy-would-that-be-considered-sexual-assault-if-so-who-would-be-held-accountable-the-person-who-was-drunk-or-the-person-who-was-sober-tipsy-571)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-drunk-kissed-someone-who-was-sober-tipsy-would-that-be-considered-sexual-assault-if-so-who-would-be-held-accountable-the-person-who-was-drunk-or-the-person-who-was-sober-tipsy-571#comments)

[

#### COCSA includes coercion or manipulation, however it is unclear what coercion can look like in these situations. What behaviours might count as coercion between children, particularly in younger preadolescent children?

🇬🇧

Thank you for asking this question. Coercion, at its core, means that one person's ability to freely say no has been taken away or worn down. It does not require a raised voice or a physical threat. Between adults, we often picture coercion as open threats or physical force. Between children, and especially younger children who have not yet reached their teenage years, coercion tends to look quieter and more relational. It can be subtle enough that neither child has the words to name it at the time, and yet its effects are just as real.

](/en/answer/cocsa-includes-coercion-or-manipulation-however-it-is-unclear-what-coercion-can-look-like-in-these-situations-what-behaviours-might-count-as-coercion-between-children-particularly-in-younger-preadoles-955)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/cocsa-includes-coercion-or-manipulation-however-it-is-unclear-what-coercion-can-look-like-in-these-situations-what-behaviours-might-count-as-coercion-between-children-particularly-in-younger-preadoles-955#comments)

[

#### Why can molestation have such a significant impact during adolescence, even if it only happened once? I'd like to understand more about the effects of single-incident trauma during the teenage years.

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. Molestation can have a profound impact on a teenager, even if it occurs only once, due to several interconnected reasons related to the developmental stage of adolescence and the nature of traumatic experiences.Teenage years are a critical period of growth and development, both physically and emotionally. Adolescents are forming their identities, establishing personal boundaries, and learning to navigate complex social and interpersonal relationships. A violation like molestation can dis...

](/en/answer/why-can-molestation-have-such-a-significant-impact-during-adolescence-even-if-it-only-happened-once-id-like-to-understand-more-about-the-effects-of-single-incident-trauma-during-the-teenage-years-411)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/why-can-molestation-have-such-a-significant-impact-during-adolescence-even-if-it-only-happened-once-id-like-to-understand-more-about-the-effects-of-single-incident-trauma-during-the-teenage-years-411#comments)

[

#### What differentiates molestation from other forms of abuse? Can a child/preteen be molested by someone the same age?

🇰🇼

Thank you for these thoughtful questions about such a complex topic. From a clinical perspective, molestation generally refers specifically to sexual touching and contact of children under the age of 18, while sexual abuse is a broader term that can include non-contact activities (like exposure, voyeurism, or showing explicit material to a child) as well as contact abuse. However, it's important to note that these terms are often used interchangeably, and their precise definitions can vary by context, location, and legal jurisdiction.

](/en/answer/what-differentiates-molestation-from-other-forms-of-abuse-can-a-child-preteen-be-molested-by-someone-the-same-age-327)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-differentiates-molestation-from-other-forms-of-abuse-can-a-child-preteen-be-molested-by-someone-the-same-age-327#comments)

[

#### Even though I've been assaulted more by women, I've developed anxiety about men instead. I don't understand why and I feel like its unjustified.

🇰🇼

I'm so sorry to hear about the assaults you've experienced. Your feelings and reactions are valid, even if they seem confusing or counterintuitive to you. There could be several reasons why you've developed anxiety about men despite experiencing more assaults from women. Let me run through some potential ideas.

](/en/answer/even-though-ive-been-assaulted-more-by-women-ive-developed-anxiety-about-men-instead-i-dont-understand-why-and-i-feel-like-its-unjustified-281)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/even-though-ive-been-assaulted-more-by-women-ive-developed-anxiety-about-men-instead-i-dont-understand-why-and-i-feel-like-its-unjustified-281#comments)

[

#### Why is it that some teens develop PTSD and others don't?

🇦🇷

Thank you so much for asking this question. The development of PTSD after trauma depends on a complex interplay of factors unique to each teenager. Our brains during adolescence are still developing, particularly in areas that handle emotion regulation and stress response. Some teens naturally have a more sensitive stress response system due to their genetic makeup and family history of mental health conditions. This biological foundation acts as a starting point that influences how the brain processes and responds to traumatic experiences.

](/en/answer/why-is-it-that-some-teens-develop-ptsd-and-others-dont-409)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/why-is-it-that-some-teens-develop-ptsd-and-others-dont-409#comments)

[

#### Is it still considered childhood-on-child-sexual abuse (COCSA) if I was forced to say yes during the experience?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I'm sorry to hear that you're grappling with such a difficult and confusing experience. Consent must be given freely, willingly, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If you were forced to say "yes," then genuine consent was not present. Being forced to give consent is not true consent at all--it is coercion and it completely invalidates any verbal agreement you may have given.

](/en/answer/is-it-still-considered-childhood-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-i-was-forced-to-say-yes-during-the-experience-685 "Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I'm sorry to hear that you're grappling with such a difficult and confusing experience. Consent must be given freely, willingly, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If you were forced to say \"yes,\" then genuine consent was not present. Being forced to give consent is not true consent at all--it is coercion and it completely invalidates any verbal agreement you may have given.")

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-it-still-considered-childhood-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-i-was-forced-to-say-yes-during-the-experience-685#comments)

[

#### Can a nine-year-old unknowingly sexually assault another nine-year-old? Is it considered wrong because they were a child when they did it? Is it even assault if they didn't know what they were doing was wrong?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for asking this question. These are complex and sensitive questions that don't have simple yes or no answers. Children at age nine typically do not have a full understanding of sexual behavior or its implications. Their actions are often driven by curiosity, imitation of things they've seen or heard, or sometimes as a response to their own experiences of abuse.

](/en/answer/can-a-nine-year-old-unknowingly-sexually-assault-another-nine-year-old-is-it-considered-wrong-because-they-were-a-child-when-they-did-it-is-it-even-assault-if-they-didnt-know-what-they-were-doing-was-wrong-176)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/can-a-nine-year-old-unknowingly-sexually-assault-another-nine-year-old-is-it-considered-wrong-because-they-were-a-child-when-they-did-it-is-it-even-assault-if-they-didnt-know-what-they-were-doing-was-wrong-176#comments)

[

#### A friend touched my inner thigh without permission while we were in a hot tub together. I pushed them away and laughed it off, but it made me uncomfortable. I'm wondering whether this would be considered assault or harassment.

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this with us. What you described is a significant boundary violation where your friend attempted to touch you in an intimate area without your consent, which is not okay. Consent is essential in all interactions, and everyone has the right to have their personal space and boundaries respected.

](/en/answer/a-friend-touched-my-inner-thigh-without-permission-while-we-were-in-a-hot-tub-together-i-pushed-them-away-and-laughed-it-off-but-it-made-me-uncomfortable-im-wondering-whether-this-would-be-considered)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/a-friend-touched-my-inner-thigh-without-permission-while-we-were-in-a-hot-tub-together-i-pushed-them-away-and-laughed-it-off-but-it-made-me-uncomfortable-im-wondering-whether-this-would-be-considered#comments)

[

#### How do inappropriate or potentially abusive childhood sexual interactions affect both children involved as they grow up? Can the child who initiated unwanted behaviors experience difficult feelings like shame or regret later in life, even if they didn't understand the impact at the time? How do these early experiences affect both children's emotional development?

🇺🇸

This is a thoughtful and complex question. Thank you for asking it. Situations like you described can indeed have lasting effects on everyone involved, though these impacts may manifest differently. For children who initiated unwanted sexual behaviors, the later recognition of their actions can bring overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion - especially as they develop a mature understanding of consent and boundaries. Many may struggle with questions like "Why did I do that?" or "Was I a bad person?" It's crucial to understand that...

](/en/answer/how-do-inappropriate-or-potentially-abusive-childhood-sexual-interactions-affect-both-children-involved-as-they-grow-up-can-the-child-who-initiated-unwanted-behaviors-experience-difficult-feelings-like-shame-or-regret-later-in-life-even-if-they-didnt-understand-the-impact-at-the-time-how-do-these-early-experiences-affect-both-childrens-emotional-development-313 "This is a thoughtful and complex question. Thank you for asking it. Situations like you described can indeed have lasting effects on everyone involved, though these impacts may manifest differently.
For children who initiated unwanted sexual behaviors, the later recognition of their actions can bring overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion - especially as they develop a mature understanding of consent and boundaries. Many may struggle with questions like \"Why did I do that?\" or \"Was I a bad person?\" It's crucial to understand that...")

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/how-do-inappropriate-or-potentially-abusive-childhood-sexual-interactions-affect-both-children-involved-as-they-grow-up-can-the-child-who-initiated-unwanted-behaviors-experience-difficult-feelings-like-shame-or-regret-later-in-life-even-if-they-didnt-understand-the-impact-at-the-time-how-do-these-early-experiences-affect-both-childrens-emotional-development-313#comments)

[

#### Does it count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) if the sexual abuse was by someone familiar to me who was around a year older than me?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question! To learn more about the intricacies surrounding age gaps and childhood sexual abuse, follow this link to a previous response we provided for another survivor processing a similar situation: https://stories.ourwave.org/en/answer/child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-can-a-victim-be-older-than-their-perpetrator-80

](/en/answer/does-it-count-as-cocsa-if-the-sexual-abuse-was-by-someone-familiar-to-me-who-was-around-a-year-older-than-me-91)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/does-it-count-as-cocsa-if-the-sexual-abuse-was-by-someone-familiar-to-me-who-was-around-a-year-older-than-me-91#comments)

[

#### Why is it so difficult for me to name my abuse for what it is? Why does it make me physically ill to acknowledge what my father did with me?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this. I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing such difficult emotions. You did not deserve what you experienced and I hate that this happened to you. It's completely understandable that you're finding it hard to name your abuse. What you're experiencing - along with the physical illness that comes with acknowledging what your father did - is your mind's intricate protective response to severe trauma.

](/en/answer/why-is-it-so-difficult-for-me-to-name-my-abuse-for-what-it-is-why-does-it-make-me-physically-ill-to-acknowledge-what-my-father-did-with-me-483)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/why-is-it-so-difficult-for-me-to-name-my-abuse-for-what-it-is-why-does-it-make-me-physically-ill-to-acknowledge-what-my-father-did-with-me-483#comments)

[

#### I'm interested in understanding the difference between child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) and sexual assaults committed by young people who are deliberately seeking power over their victims. How can we distinguish between these situations, given that in COCSA both children are often considered victims?

🇧🇷

This is an important and nuanced question. Understanding the distinctions between different types of sexual behavior involving minors is crucial for providing appropriate support and intervention. Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) typically refers to situations where a child engages another child in sexual behavior that exceeds the normal boundaries of childhood sexual exploration. In these cases, the initiating child often lacks full understanding of the implications of their actions and may be acting out behaviors they've experienced or wi...

](/en/answer/im-interested-in-understanding-the-difference-between-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-and-sexual-assaults-committed-by-young-people-who-are-deliberately-seeking-power-over-their-victims-how-can-we-distinguish-between-these-situations-given-that-in-cocsa-both-children-are-often-considered-victims-209)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/im-interested-in-understanding-the-difference-between-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-and-sexual-assaults-committed-by-young-people-who-are-deliberately-seeking-power-over-their-victims-how-can-we-distinguish-between-these-situations-given-that-in-cocsa-both-children-are-often-considered-victims-209#comments)

[

#### When I was around 6-7 years old, another child of a similar age repeatedly pressured, emotionally manipulated, and guilt-tripped me into engaging in oral sex. Despite me saying no numerous times, he continued to pressure me until I eventually complied. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question and I am so sorry you experienced this. Based on the information you've shared, it sounds like what you experienced could be child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The repeated pressure, emotional manipulation, and guilt-tripping to engage in sexual acts, even though you both were young, is concerning and may constitute abusive behavior. Your repeated refusals should have been respected, and the fact that the other child continued to coerce you until you complied suggests a violation of your boundaries and autono...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-around-6-7-years-old-another-child-of-a-similar-age-repeatedly-pressured-emotionally-manipulated-and-guilt-tripped-me-into-engaging-in-oral-sex-despite-me-saying-no-numerous-times-he-continued-to-pressure-me-until-i-eventually-complied-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-151)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-around-6-7-years-old-another-child-of-a-similar-age-repeatedly-pressured-emotionally-manipulated-and-guilt-tripped-me-into-engaging-in-oral-sex-despite-me-saying-no-numerous-times-he-continued-to-pressure-me-until-i-eventually-complied-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-151#comments)

[

#### Does it count as sexual assault if I stopped the encounter halfway through?

🇺🇸

Thanks for reaching out to us. Without knowing the specific context of your situation--whether you initially consented and then changed your mind, were coerced from the beginning, or experienced something else entirely-- it's difficult to provide a definitive answer about your particular experience. However, I can share some general information about consent and sexual assault that may help you understand your situation better.

](/en/answer/does-it-count-as-sexual-assault-if-i-stopped-the-encounter-halfway-through-727)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/does-it-count-as-sexual-assault-if-i-stopped-the-encounter-halfway-through-727#comments)

[

#### Can I 'retraumatize' myself by constantly thinking about a traumatic event from my teenage years? I keep analyzing what I did or didn't do at the time. I kept it secret due to shame and guilt, and though it might not seem as 'severe' as other experiences, I wonder if my constant rumination could be harmful. Can overthinking make the trauma worse?

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out and asking this important question about trauma processing. The concern about making things worse through rumination is something many survivors struggle with, and it's valid to want to understand how our thoughts might affect our healing.

](/en/answer/can-i-retraumatize-myself-by-constantly-thinking-about-a-traumatic-event-from-my-teenage-years-i-keep-analyzing-what-i-did-or-didnt-do-at-the-time-i-kept-it-secret-due-to-shame-and-guilt-and-though-it-might-not-seem-as-severe-as-other-experiences-i-wonder-if-my-constant-rumination-could-be-harmful-can-overthinking-make-the-trauma-worse-414)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/can-i-retraumatize-myself-by-constantly-thinking-about-a-traumatic-event-from-my-teenage-years-i-keep-analyzing-what-i-did-or-didnt-do-at-the-time-i-kept-it-secret-due-to-shame-and-guilt-and-though-it-might-not-seem-as-severe-as-other-experiences-i-wonder-if-my-constant-rumination-could-be-harmful-can-overthinking-make-the-trauma-worse-414#comments)

[

#### I have a domestic violence case against my abusive ex. Recently, after my 18th birthday, I learned he's been showing people nude photos and sexual images of us from when I was 17. Initially, I didn't believe it, but now another witness has confirmed it. If I bring this up in court, would it be considered a child pornography offense since I was underage when the photos were taken?

🇺🇸

Wow. This sounds like a terrible situation. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. While I cannot provide direct legal advice, I can offer some general considerations about your situation that I hope helps guide your decision. The distribution of sexual images of a minor (under 18) is typically considered a serious offense under child pornography laws. Since the images were taken when you were 17, they would likely fall into this category. This could potentially lead to additional charges against your ex-partner, separate from the existing...

](/en/answer/i-have-a-domestic-violence-case-against-my-abusive-ex-recently-after-my-18th-birthday-i-learned-hes-been-showing-people-nude-photos-and-sexual-images-of-us-from-when-i-was-17-initially-i-didnt-believe-it-but-now-another-witness-has-confirmed-it-if-i-bring-this-up-in-court-would-it-be-considered-a-child-pornography-offense-since-i-was-underage-when-the-photos-were-taken-279)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-have-a-domestic-violence-case-against-my-abusive-ex-recently-after-my-18th-birthday-i-learned-hes-been-showing-people-nude-photos-and-sexual-images-of-us-from-when-i-was-17-initially-i-didnt-believe-it-but-now-another-witness-has-confirmed-it-if-i-bring-this-up-in-court-would-it-be-considered-a-child-pornography-offense-since-i-was-underage-when-the-photos-were-taken-279#comments)

[

#### I experienced sexual assault by another woman, but I'm struggling to validate it as rape because it didn't involve penetration in the way we typically discuss sexual violence. How can I understand female-perpetrated sexual assault, and why do I feel like my experience doesn't 'count'? I understand logically that women can commit sexual assault, but I'm having trouble accepting my own experience as valid.

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. It's completely understandable to feel confused or uncertain about how to define what happened. Sexual assault and rape are complex topics, and many people have similar questions about how they can occur in different contexts.

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-assault-by-another-woman-but-im-struggling-to-validate-it-as-rape-because-it-didnt-involve-penetration-in-the-way-we-typically-discuss-sexual-violence-how-can-i-understand-female)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-assault-by-another-woman-but-im-struggling-to-validate-it-as-rape-because-it-didnt-involve-penetration-in-the-way-we-typically-discuss-sexual-violence-how-can-i-understand-female#comments)

[

#### Can power imbalances exist between same-aged peers, even when there's no disability involved? How does a lack of sex education or guidance impact the overall dynamics in a child-on-child sexual assault (COCSA) situation?

🇮🇳

Yes, power imbalances can certainly exist between peers who are the same age, such as two 14-year-olds, even when there is no disability involved. Age is just one factor in a complex interplay of dynamics that contribute to power in relationships. Other factors like physical size, emotional maturity, intellectual development, social status, prior experiences, and even personality traits can create significant imbalances between individuals of the same age.For instance, one 14-year-old might be more physically developed, giving them an advantag...

](/en/answer/can-power-imbalances-exist-between-same-aged-peers-even-when-theres-no-disability-involved-how-does-a-lack-of-sex-education-or-guidance-impact-the-overall-dynamics-in-a-cocsa-situation-698)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/can-power-imbalances-exist-between-same-aged-peers-even-when-theres-no-disability-involved-how-does-a-lack-of-sex-education-or-guidance-impact-the-overall-dynamics-in-a-cocsa-situation-698#comments)

[

#### I had an incident when I was 11 where I kissed my cousin's child (who was younger than me) on the lips once when we were alone on the stairs. Now that I'm an adult, I feel extremely guilty about this childhood interaction and worry I did something inappropriate or traumatic to them. Could this one kiss be considered child sexual abuse? I want to move past this heavy guilt that haunts me.

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing something that has clearly been weighing on you for a long time. Let me try to provide some information that might help. When we look back at childhood behaviors through our adult understanding, it's common to feel guilt or shame about things we did when we were much younger. At 11 years old, children are naturally curious about the world around them and are still developing their understanding of appropriate boundaries, relationships, and social norms. The behavior you described - a single kiss that occurred when y...

](/en/answer/i-had-an-incident-when-i-was-11-where-i-kissed-my-cousins-child-who-was-younger-than-me-on-the-lips-once-when-we-were-alone-on-the-stairs-now-that-im-an-adult-i-feel-extremely-guilty-about-this-childh)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-had-an-incident-when-i-was-11-where-i-kissed-my-cousins-child-who-was-younger-than-me-on-the-lips-once-when-we-were-alone-on-the-stairs-now-that-im-an-adult-i-feel-extremely-guilty-about-this-childh#comments)

[

#### When I was pretty drunk at a university drinking party, I met a male senior in front of the restroom and he pulled me in with him. Even if I remember, it's hard to get along with him, so I've forgotten, but I think he touched me in various ways. I think he was just messing around, but I keep thinking about what would have happened if \[name\] hadn't come and teased me. I avoid passing by that store in \[place name\]. Is what happened to me sexual violence, and is it traumatic for me? What should I do?

🇯🇵

Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion. The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident. Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission . These acts could be considered sexual violence . However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, "Is this sexual violence?" or "Is it traumatic?", we...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-pretty-drunk-at-a-drinking-party-in-college-i-met-a-male-senior-in-front-of-the-restroom-and-he-pulled-me-in-with-him-even-if-i-remember-its-hard-to-get-along-with-him-so-ive-forgotten-but "Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion. The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident. Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission . These acts could be considered sexual violence . However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, \"Is this sexual violence?\" or \"Is it traumatic?\", we...")

2 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-pretty-drunk-at-a-drinking-party-in-college-i-met-a-male-senior-in-front-of-the-restroom-and-he-pulled-me-in-with-him-even-if-i-remember-its-hard-to-get-along-with-him-so-ive-forgotten-but#comments)

[

#### I'm curious about the legal and ethical implications of sexual encounters where one party unknowingly engages with someone who can't consent. This could be due to forced prostitution or conditions like sexsomnia. How responsible is a person for recognizing these situations? I'm trying to understand these complex scenarios without unfairly blaming those who might be unaware of the full circumstances. How do law and ethics view such situations?

🇧🇷

Thank you for asking this question. I will try my best to respond, as some of these situations are quite individualized and complicated. Sexual consent is a critical aspect of any intimate encounter. It's important to recognize that in some complex situations, one party might be unable to give consent due to various circumstances, including coercion or medical conditions like sexsomnia.

](/en/answer/im-curious-about-the-legal-and-ethical-implications-of-sexual-encounters-where-one-party-unknowingly-engages-with-someone-who-cant-consent-this-could-be-due-to-forced-prostitution-or-conditions-like-sexsomnia-how-responsible-is-a-person-for-recognizing-these-situations-im-trying-to-understand-these-complex-scenarios-without-unfairly-blaming-those-who-might-be-unaware-of-the-full-circumstances-how-do-law-and-ethics-view-such-situations-240)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/im-curious-about-the-legal-and-ethical-implications-of-sexual-encounters-where-one-party-unknowingly-engages-with-someone-who-cant-consent-this-could-be-due-to-forced-prostitution-or-conditions-like-sexsomnia-how-responsible-is-a-person-for-recognizing-these-situations-im-trying-to-understand-these-complex-scenarios-without-unfairly-blaming-those-who-might-be-unaware-of-the-full-circumstances-how-do-law-and-ethics-view-such-situations-240#comments)

[

#### Why do some victims of abuse become perpetrators?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out. Great question! We appreciate you for asking it. Your willingness to understand these complex dynamics is valuable for prevention and healing. Understanding why some victims of abuse become perpetrators requires careful examination through both trauma-informed and preventative lenses.

](/en/answer/why-do-some-victims-of-abuse-become-perpetrators-435)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/why-do-some-victims-of-abuse-become-perpetrators-435#comments)

[

#### In the case of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), if both children are the same age but one has a social impairment (in my case, autism and a communication disorder), would that create a power imbalance?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. Yes, a power imbalance can absolutely exist between children of the same age when one has a social or communication impairment. Power dynamics in abuse situations aren't solely determined by age - they can be influenced by many factors including developmental differences, social understanding, communication abilities, cognitive processing, physical size, and emotional maturity. When someone has autism or a communication disorder, they may experience challenges in understanding socia...

](/en/answer/in-the-case-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-both-children-are-the-same-age-but-one-has-a-social-impairment-in-my-case-autism-and-a-communication-disorder-would-that-create-a-power-imbalance-51)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/in-the-case-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-both-children-are-the-same-age-but-one-has-a-social-impairment-in-my-case-autism-and-a-communication-disorder-would-that-create-a-power-imbalance-51#comments)

[

#### In my amateur research about child-on-child sexual assault (COCSA), I noticed that the events usually happen up to the age of 14. Does this mean that 14 is the age limit?

🇧🇷

Thank you for reaching out with this important question! Understanding the nuances of COCSA can be complex, and it's great that you're seeking clarity. COCSA refers to sexual activities between children that are inappropriate for their age or developmental stage, especially when there is an element of coercion, manipulation, or a significant power imbalance. While many documented cases involve children up to the age of 14, this doesn't mean that 14 is a strict upper age limit for such incidents.

](/en/answer/in-my-amateur-research-about-child-on-child-sexual-assault-cocsa-i-noticed-that-the-events-usually-happen-up-to-the-age-of-14-does-this-mean-that-14-is-the-age-limit-419)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/in-my-amateur-research-about-child-on-child-sexual-assault-cocsa-i-noticed-that-the-events-usually-happen-up-to-the-age-of-14-does-this-mean-that-14-is-the-age-limit-419#comments)

[

#### When I was a child my neighbor (also a child) showed me sexual things. I only know it happened because I have flash memories of it and her asking if it felt good. I don’t remember ever saying no, or stop, or I don’t like it. After we moved, I was really hypersexual and would masturbate a lot. I would cry and feel terrible about myself because I thought it was wrong. Would this be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or am I just being dramatic??

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for this question. I want to start by saying that you are not being dramatic. Sexual activities between children can be extremely confusing to process. We have actually received many similar questions to this in the past, so we created a blog post to share what we know about this type of abuse. Take a look at that here: Child-on-child Sexual Abuse (COCSA): Frequently Asked Questions and Considerations ~ Making Waves (ourwave.org)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-child-my-neighbor-showed-me-sexual-things-would-this-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-or-am-i-just-being-dramatic-101)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

1 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-child-my-neighbor-showed-me-sexual-things-would-this-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-or-am-i-just-being-dramatic-101#comments)

[

#### Where can I find information about online-targeted sexual assault that involves sadism and objectification (rather than physical violence) combined with drug use?

🇨🇦

Your question touches on a complex intersection of digital exploitation, psychological manipulation, and substance-facilitated abuse that unfortunately receives limited research attention despite being a real and harmful experience for many survivors. This gap in information doesn't mean your experience is less valid or important-- it often reflects how these forms of abuse can be harder to categorize within traditional frameworks, and unfortunately, some of the most harmful experiences survivors face exist in these spaces between established...

](/en/answer/where-can-i-find-information-about-online-targeted-sexual-assault-that-involves-sadism-and-objectification-rather-than-physical-violence-combined-with-drug-use-719)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/where-can-i-find-information-about-online-targeted-sexual-assault-that-involves-sadism-and-objectification-rather-than-physical-violence-combined-with-drug-use-719#comments)

[

#### What is the difference between molestation and other forms of abuse? Does it always happen between an adult and child or between someone with power and someone vulnerable?

🇰🇼

Thank you for asking this question. Molestation is a specific type of sexual abuse that involves unwanted sexual contact or touching. While it's often associated with child sexual abuse, it's important to understand that molestation and other forms of abuse can occur in various contexts and between individuals of any age.

](/en/answer/what-is-the-difference-between-molestation-and-other-forms-of-abuse-does-it-always-happen-between-an-adult-and-child-or-between-someone-with-power-and-someone-vulnerable-197)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-is-the-difference-between-molestation-and-other-forms-of-abuse-does-it-always-happen-between-an-adult-and-child-or-between-someone-with-power-and-someone-vulnerable-197#comments)

[

#### What is the difference between sexual abuse and sexual assault? Is sexual abuse a broader term that encompasses sexual assault? If someone said what happened wasn't sexual abuse, does that mean it also wasn't sexual assault?

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry you've been grappling with these definitions and how they might apply to your own experience. These terms can feel confusing because they're often used in different ways depending on the context—legal definitions, clinical settings, and everyday conversation don't always align.

](/en/answer/what-is-the-difference-between-sexual-abuse-and-sexual-assault-is-sexual-abuse-a-broader-term-that-encompasses-sexual-assault-if-someone-said-what-happened-wasnt-sexual-abuse-does-that-mean-it-also-wa)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

1 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-is-the-difference-between-sexual-abuse-and-sexual-assault-is-sexual-abuse-a-broader-term-that-encompasses-sexual-assault-if-someone-said-what-happened-wasnt-sexual-abuse-does-that-mean-it-also-wa#comments)

[

#### I experienced sexual roleplaying and jokes with a friend and their older friends (age 15 between the ages of 10-12, mostly online. I felt pressured to participate due to the emotional abuse and fear of losing the friendship. Years later, I struggle with hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, and CSA themes in my art and writing. Was this child sexual abuse, or am I making false claims?

🇺🇦

Thank you for reaching out. Only you can determine if what you experienced was abuse, as you are the expert of your own lived experience. Sexual exploration and experimentation among children close in age is not uncommon, but if the situation involved pressure, emotional manipulation, or significant age differences, it may be a sign that this was indeed abusive behavior. It is understandable to feel distressed or confused, but abuse can certainly happen in the digital space. To learn more about child-on-child sexual abuse, click here.

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-roleplaying-and-jokes-with-a-friend-and-their-older-friends-age-15-between-the-ages-of-10-12-mostly-online-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-due-to-the-emotional-abuse-and-fear-of-losing-the-friendship-years-later-i-struggle-with-hypersexuality-intrusive-thoughts-and-csa-themes-in-my-art-and-writing-was-this-child-sexual-abuse-or-am-i-making-false-claims-130)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-roleplaying-and-jokes-with-a-friend-and-their-older-friends-age-15-between-the-ages-of-10-12-mostly-online-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-due-to-the-emotional-abuse-and-fear-of-losing-the-friendship-years-later-i-struggle-with-hypersexuality-intrusive-thoughts-and-csa-themes-in-my-art-and-writing-was-this-child-sexual-abuse-or-am-i-making-false-claims-130#comments)

[

#### How does sexual abuse affect the body and mind on both a biological and psychological level, and why are humans particularly vulnerable to its impacts compared to other animals? Is there an evolutionary explanation for this? I'm particularly interested in how sexual abuse and cases of Child-on-child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) affect the body and mind, as I'm trying to understand my own experiences and how different types of abuse impact people differently.

🇬🇧

Thank you so much for reaching out to us with this question. I hope we can help you understand these complex processes in a way that supports your healing journey. Our human capacity for deep emotional connection and meaning-making is both a gift and a source of vulnerability when it comes to trauma. Unlike other animals, we create rich social bonds and find profound meaning in our experiences. While these qualities usually enrich our lives immensely, they can also make us especially sensitive to experiences that violate our trust or sense of...

](/en/answer/how-does-sexual-abuse-affect-the-body-and-mind-on-both-a-biological-and-psychological-level-and-why-are-humans-particularly-vulnerable-to-its-impacts-compared-to-other-animals-is-there-an-evolutionary-explanation-for-this-im-particularly-interested-in-how-sexual-abuse-and-cases-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-affect-the-body-and-mind-as-im-trying-to-understand-my-own-experiences-and-how-different-types-of-abuse-impact-people-differently-405)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/how-does-sexual-abuse-affect-the-body-and-mind-on-both-a-biological-and-psychological-level-and-why-are-humans-particularly-vulnerable-to-its-impacts-compared-to-other-animals-is-there-an-evolutionary-explanation-for-this-im-particularly-interested-in-how-sexual-abuse-and-cases-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-affect-the-body-and-mind-as-im-trying-to-understand-my-own-experiences-and-how-different-types-of-abuse-impact-people-differently-405#comments)

[

#### When I was in middle school, my older sister, who was in her late teens, would engage in sexual activity with her boyfriends in front of me. She would claim that they weren't doing anything inappropriate because she thought I believed her and didn't want me to tell our parents. My parents often used me as a pawn to keep an eye on her, thinking she wouldn't misbehave if her younger sibling was present. She would also share graphic sexual stories with me and encourage me to be sexual, smoke, and use drugs, while simultaneously telling me those things were bad and not to do them. I often feel like I'm upset over nothing, but these experiences sent me down a dark path, making me vulnerable to grooming, sexual abuse, coercion, and even sex trafficking. Was this child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), or just inappropriate behavior?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us. What you experienced with your older sister during your middle school years was not okay, and your feelings about it are valid. It's understandable that you're questioning whether this was child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or just "not good." Based on what you've shared, it sounds like your sister's behavior towards you was inappropriate and harmful, even if she may not have intended to cause you distress.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-middle-school-my-older-sister-who-was-in-her-late-teens-would-engage-in-sexual-activity-with-her-boyfriends-in-front-of-me-she-would-claim-that-they-werent-doing-anything-inappropriate-because-she-thought-i-believed-her-and-didnt-want-me-to-tell-our-parents-my-parents-often-used-me-as-a-pawn-to-keep-an-eye-on-her-thinking-she-wouldnt-misbehave-if-her-younger-sibling-was-present-she-would-also-share-graphic-sexual-stories-with-me-and-encourage-me-to-be-sexual-smoke-and-use-drugs-while-simultaneously-telling-me-those-things-were-bad-and-not-to-do-them-i-often-feel-like-im-upset-over-nothing-but-these-experiences-sent-me-down-a-dark-path-making-me-vulnerable-to-grooming-sexual-abuse-coercion-and-even-sex-trafficking-was-this-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-or-just-inappropriate-behavior-153)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-middle-school-my-older-sister-who-was-in-her-late-teens-would-engage-in-sexual-activity-with-her-boyfriends-in-front-of-me-she-would-claim-that-they-werent-doing-anything-inappropriate-because-she-thought-i-believed-her-and-didnt-want-me-to-tell-our-parents-my-parents-often-used-me-as-a-pawn-to-keep-an-eye-on-her-thinking-she-wouldnt-misbehave-if-her-younger-sibling-was-present-she-would-also-share-graphic-sexual-stories-with-me-and-encourage-me-to-be-sexual-smoke-and-use-drugs-while-simultaneously-telling-me-those-things-were-bad-and-not-to-do-them-i-often-feel-like-im-upset-over-nothing-but-these-experiences-sent-me-down-a-dark-path-making-me-vulnerable-to-grooming-sexual-abuse-coercion-and-even-sex-trafficking-was-this-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-or-just-inappropriate-behavior-153#comments)

[

#### I went out for drinks with a friend and he kept trying to touch me, repeatedly putting his hand on my thigh. Every time I pushed him away, his hand would move higher. Is this still considered sexual assault even though we were both fully clothed?

🇬🇧

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. What you shared sounds like unwanted and repeated sexual touching that continued despite your clear physical boundaries. Sexual assault refers to any unwanted sexual contact without consent, regardless of whether clothes were involved or not. The fact that you repeatedly pushed his hand away clearly communicated your lack of consent, yet he persisted and even escalated by moving his hand higher.

](/en/answer/i-went-out-for-drinks-with-a-friend-and-he-kept-trying-to-touch-me-repeatedly-putting-his-hand-on-my-thigh-every-time-i-pushed-him-away-his-hand-would-move-higher-is-this-still-considered-sexual-assau)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-went-out-for-drinks-with-a-friend-and-he-kept-trying-to-touch-me-repeatedly-putting-his-hand-on-my-thigh-every-time-i-pushed-him-away-his-hand-would-move-higher-is-this-still-considered-sexual-assau#comments)

[

#### I'm trying to define something that happened to me when I was younger. I know that based on the law, rape involves penetration, no matter how slight. Someone performed oral contact on me without consent, and also made me perform oral contact on them. I know that it was assault, but was it rape? I understand that at the end of the day it doesn't matter what I call it, but I am autistic and knowing how to define this would help me untangle a lot of confusion.

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry you're feeling confused about how to define what happened, especially when those memories are hazy and you were so young at the time. Your need to understand and categorize what happened to you is completely valid and understandable. Many survivors find that having clear definitions helps them process their experiences, and this is especially true for people who are autistic. There's nothing weird about wanting clarity around these terms.

](/en/answer/im-trying-to-define-something-that-happened-to-me-when-i-was-younger-i-know-that-based-on-the-law-rape-involves-penetration-no-matter-how-slight-someone-performed-oral-contact-on-me-without-consent-an)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/im-trying-to-define-something-that-happened-to-me-when-i-was-younger-i-know-that-based-on-the-law-rape-involves-penetration-no-matter-how-slight-someone-performed-oral-contact-on-me-without-consent-an#comments)

[

#### When I was young, my younger sibling who was 6 at the time repeatedly engaged in sexual acts with me over the course of a week. I allowed it to happen because it felt good at the time and I didn't think it was wrong. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. What you've described is a complex and confusing situation that some children face, but aren't sure how to make sense of as adults. Developmentally, it's common for children, especially young ones, to explore their bodies and engage in sexual play with other children as part of learning about their bodies and sexuality. In this vein, some degree of exploratory play between siblings is also not unusual, particularly if there hasn't been a lot of education about boundaries. However, dependin...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-young-my-younger-sibling-who-was-6-at-the-time-repeatedly-engaged-in-sexual-acts-with-me-over-the-course-of-a-week-i-allowed-it-to-happen-because-it-felt-good-at-the-time-and-i-didnt-think-it-was-wrong-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-156)

5 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

3 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-young-my-younger-sibling-who-was-6-at-the-time-repeatedly-engaged-in-sexual-acts-with-me-over-the-course-of-a-week-i-allowed-it-to-happen-because-it-felt-good-at-the-time-and-i-didnt-think-it-was-wrong-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-156#comments)

[

#### Is grooming always between a grown adult and a child?

🇺🇸

Grooming is not always between an adult and a child, although it is commonly portrayed as such. It is possible for a child to groom another child into sexual abuse, particularly if there is a significant age or developmental gap between them. Grooming is a process by which somoene gradually gains the trust of their intended victim, often by building a relationship with them or offering them special attention or gifts, and then uses that trust to manipulate and control the victim for sexual purposes. Grooming can happen in different contexts, s...

](/en/answer/is-grooming-always-between-a-grown-adult-and-a-child-64)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

3 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-grooming-always-between-a-grown-adult-and-a-child-64#comments)

[

#### What is it called when someone is forced to assault someone else?

🇰🇼

Forced perpetration is a complex form of sexual abuse where someone is compelled, through threats, coercion, or physical force, to engage in sexual acts with another person against their will. This creates a situation where there are multiple victims: the person forced to commit the act and the person it was committed against. It's a deeply traumatic experience that can occur in various contexts, including domestic violence, child sexual abuse, human trafficking, or conflict situations.

](/en/answer/what-is-it-called-when-someone-is-forced-to-assault-someone-else-188)

2 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-is-it-called-when-someone-is-forced-to-assault-someone-else-188#comments)

[

#### I'm afraid to have kids because I'm scared they will grow up to either be abused or abuse other people. How reasonable is this fear? What can I do about it?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out about this. I want to acknowledge that your concern comes from a place of deep care and a desire to protect. It's understandable to have fears about bringing children into a world where abuse exists, and it's commendable that you're thinking critically about this before making such an important decision.

](/en/answer/im-afraid-to-have-kids-because-im-scared-they-will-grow-up-to-either-be-abused-or-abuse-other-people-how-reasonable-is-this-fear-what-can-i-do-about-it-274)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/im-afraid-to-have-kids-because-im-scared-they-will-grow-up-to-either-be-abused-or-abuse-other-people-how-reasonable-is-this-fear-what-can-i-do-about-it-274#comments)

[

#### Discuss how cyberbullying of members of LGBTQ+ community could cause psychological harm.

🇿🇦

Thank you for this question. Cyberbullying directed at members of the LGBTQ+ community can have profound psychological effects, including harm related to or exacerbating previous histories of sexual violence. The online space, although it can provide a platform for support and connection, can also be a breeding ground for hate speech, discrimination, and harassment. It is never okay to cyberbully anyone regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

](/en/answer/discuss-how-cyberbullying-of-members-of-lgbtq-community-could-cause-psychological-harm-74)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/discuss-how-cyberbullying-of-members-of-lgbtq-community-could-cause-psychological-harm-74#comments)

[

#### Was it Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if we were the same age (11) and I only said yes after being asked repeatedly because I felt bad for rejecting them?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. If you feel that you were coerced into doing something you did not want to do, your feelings of distress and concern are entirely warranted. In terms of the person's age at the time of the incident, it's essential to recognize that age does not absolve someone of responsibility for their actions, particularly when it involves harming another individual. Regardless of their age, engaging in sexual coersive behavior is never acceptable.

](/en/answer/was-it-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-we-were-the-same-age-11-and-i-only-said-yes-after-being-asked-repeatedly-because-i-felt-bad-for-rejecting-them-98)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/was-it-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-we-were-the-same-age-11-and-i-only-said-yes-after-being-asked-repeatedly-because-i-felt-bad-for-rejecting-them-98#comments)

[

#### Why can molestation have such a significant impact during adolescence, even if it only happened once? I'd like to understand more about the effects of single-incident trauma during the teenage years.

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. Molestation can have a profound impact on a teenager, even if it occurs only once, due to several interconnected reasons related to the developmental stage of adolescence and the nature of traumatic experiences.Teenage years are a critical period of growth and development, both physically and emotionally. Adolescents are forming their identities, establishing personal boundaries, and learning to navigate complex social and interpersonal relationships. A violation like molestation can dis...

](/en/answer/why-can-molestation-have-such-a-significant-impact-during-adolescence-even-if-it-only-happened-once-id-like-to-understand-more-about-the-effects-of-single-incident-trauma-during-the-teenage-years-411)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/why-can-molestation-have-such-a-significant-impact-during-adolescence-even-if-it-only-happened-once-id-like-to-understand-more-about-the-effects-of-single-incident-trauma-during-the-teenage-years-411#comments)

[

#### Why is it that some teens develop PTSD and others don't?

🇦🇷

Thank you so much for asking this question. The development of PTSD after trauma depends on a complex interplay of factors unique to each teenager. Our brains during adolescence are still developing, particularly in areas that handle emotion regulation and stress response. Some teens naturally have a more sensitive stress response system due to their genetic makeup and family history of mental health conditions. This biological foundation acts as a starting point that influences how the brain processes and responds to traumatic experiences.

](/en/answer/why-is-it-that-some-teens-develop-ptsd-and-others-dont-409)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/why-is-it-that-some-teens-develop-ptsd-and-others-dont-409#comments)

[

#### A friend touched my inner thigh without permission while we were in a hot tub together. I pushed them away and laughed it off, but it made me uncomfortable. I'm wondering whether this would be considered assault or harassment.

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this with us. What you described is a significant boundary violation where your friend attempted to touch you in an intimate area without your consent, which is not okay. Consent is essential in all interactions, and everyone has the right to have their personal space and boundaries respected.

](/en/answer/a-friend-touched-my-inner-thigh-without-permission-while-we-were-in-a-hot-tub-together-i-pushed-them-away-and-laughed-it-off-but-it-made-me-uncomfortable-im-wondering-whether-this-would-be-considered)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/a-friend-touched-my-inner-thigh-without-permission-while-we-were-in-a-hot-tub-together-i-pushed-them-away-and-laughed-it-off-but-it-made-me-uncomfortable-im-wondering-whether-this-would-be-considered#comments)

[

#### Why is it so difficult for me to name my abuse for what it is? Why does it make me physically ill to acknowledge what my father did with me?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this. I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing such difficult emotions. You did not deserve what you experienced and I hate that this happened to you. It's completely understandable that you're finding it hard to name your abuse. What you're experiencing - along with the physical illness that comes with acknowledging what your father did - is your mind's intricate protective response to severe trauma.

](/en/answer/why-is-it-so-difficult-for-me-to-name-my-abuse-for-what-it-is-why-does-it-make-me-physically-ill-to-acknowledge-what-my-father-did-with-me-483)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/why-is-it-so-difficult-for-me-to-name-my-abuse-for-what-it-is-why-does-it-make-me-physically-ill-to-acknowledge-what-my-father-did-with-me-483#comments)

[

#### Does it count as sexual assault if I stopped the encounter halfway through?

🇺🇸

Thanks for reaching out to us. Without knowing the specific context of your situation--whether you initially consented and then changed your mind, were coerced from the beginning, or experienced something else entirely-- it's difficult to provide a definitive answer about your particular experience. However, I can share some general information about consent and sexual assault that may help you understand your situation better.

](/en/answer/does-it-count-as-sexual-assault-if-i-stopped-the-encounter-halfway-through-727)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/does-it-count-as-sexual-assault-if-i-stopped-the-encounter-halfway-through-727#comments)

[

#### I experienced sexual assault by another woman, but I'm struggling to validate it as rape because it didn't involve penetration in the way we typically discuss sexual violence. How can I understand female-perpetrated sexual assault, and why do I feel like my experience doesn't 'count'? I understand logically that women can commit sexual assault, but I'm having trouble accepting my own experience as valid.

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. It's completely understandable to feel confused or uncertain about how to define what happened. Sexual assault and rape are complex topics, and many people have similar questions about how they can occur in different contexts.

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-assault-by-another-woman-but-im-struggling-to-validate-it-as-rape-because-it-didnt-involve-penetration-in-the-way-we-typically-discuss-sexual-violence-how-can-i-understand-female)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-assault-by-another-woman-but-im-struggling-to-validate-it-as-rape-because-it-didnt-involve-penetration-in-the-way-we-typically-discuss-sexual-violence-how-can-i-understand-female#comments)

[

#### When I was pretty drunk at a university drinking party, I met a male senior in front of the restroom and he pulled me in with him. Even if I remember, it's hard to get along with him, so I've forgotten, but I think he touched me in various ways. I think he was just messing around, but I keep thinking about what would have happened if \[name\] hadn't come and teased me. I avoid passing by that store in \[place name\]. Is what happened to me sexual violence, and is it traumatic for me? What should I do?

🇯🇵

Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion. The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident. Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission . These acts could be considered sexual violence . However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, "Is this sexual violence?" or "Is it traumatic?", we...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-pretty-drunk-at-a-drinking-party-in-college-i-met-a-male-senior-in-front-of-the-restroom-and-he-pulled-me-in-with-him-even-if-i-remember-its-hard-to-get-along-with-him-so-ive-forgotten-but "Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion. The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident. Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission . These acts could be considered sexual violence . However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, \"Is this sexual violence?\" or \"Is it traumatic?\", we...")

2 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-pretty-drunk-at-a-drinking-party-in-college-i-met-a-male-senior-in-front-of-the-restroom-and-he-pulled-me-in-with-him-even-if-i-remember-its-hard-to-get-along-with-him-so-ive-forgotten-but#comments)

[

#### In the case of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), if both children are the same age but one has a social impairment (in my case, autism and a communication disorder), would that create a power imbalance?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. Yes, a power imbalance can absolutely exist between children of the same age when one has a social or communication impairment. Power dynamics in abuse situations aren't solely determined by age - they can be influenced by many factors including developmental differences, social understanding, communication abilities, cognitive processing, physical size, and emotional maturity. When someone has autism or a communication disorder, they may experience challenges in understanding socia...

](/en/answer/in-the-case-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-both-children-are-the-same-age-but-one-has-a-social-impairment-in-my-case-autism-and-a-communication-disorder-would-that-create-a-power-imbalance-51)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/in-the-case-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-both-children-are-the-same-age-but-one-has-a-social-impairment-in-my-case-autism-and-a-communication-disorder-would-that-create-a-power-imbalance-51#comments)

[

#### Where can I find information about online-targeted sexual assault that involves sadism and objectification (rather than physical violence) combined with drug use?

🇨🇦

Your question touches on a complex intersection of digital exploitation, psychological manipulation, and substance-facilitated abuse that unfortunately receives limited research attention despite being a real and harmful experience for many survivors. This gap in information doesn't mean your experience is less valid or important-- it often reflects how these forms of abuse can be harder to categorize within traditional frameworks, and unfortunately, some of the most harmful experiences survivors face exist in these spaces between established...

](/en/answer/where-can-i-find-information-about-online-targeted-sexual-assault-that-involves-sadism-and-objectification-rather-than-physical-violence-combined-with-drug-use-719)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/where-can-i-find-information-about-online-targeted-sexual-assault-that-involves-sadism-and-objectification-rather-than-physical-violence-combined-with-drug-use-719#comments)

[

#### I experienced sexual roleplaying and jokes with a friend and their older friends (age 15 between the ages of 10-12, mostly online. I felt pressured to participate due to the emotional abuse and fear of losing the friendship. Years later, I struggle with hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, and CSA themes in my art and writing. Was this child sexual abuse, or am I making false claims?

🇺🇦

Thank you for reaching out. Only you can determine if what you experienced was abuse, as you are the expert of your own lived experience. Sexual exploration and experimentation among children close in age is not uncommon, but if the situation involved pressure, emotional manipulation, or significant age differences, it may be a sign that this was indeed abusive behavior. It is understandable to feel distressed or confused, but abuse can certainly happen in the digital space. To learn more about child-on-child sexual abuse, click here.

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-roleplaying-and-jokes-with-a-friend-and-their-older-friends-age-15-between-the-ages-of-10-12-mostly-online-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-due-to-the-emotional-abuse-and-fear-of-losing-the-friendship-years-later-i-struggle-with-hypersexuality-intrusive-thoughts-and-csa-themes-in-my-art-and-writing-was-this-child-sexual-abuse-or-am-i-making-false-claims-130)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-roleplaying-and-jokes-with-a-friend-and-their-older-friends-age-15-between-the-ages-of-10-12-mostly-online-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-due-to-the-emotional-abuse-and-fear-of-losing-the-friendship-years-later-i-struggle-with-hypersexuality-intrusive-thoughts-and-csa-themes-in-my-art-and-writing-was-this-child-sexual-abuse-or-am-i-making-false-claims-130#comments)

[

#### I went out for drinks with a friend and he kept trying to touch me, repeatedly putting his hand on my thigh. Every time I pushed him away, his hand would move higher. Is this still considered sexual assault even though we were both fully clothed?

🇬🇧

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. What you shared sounds like unwanted and repeated sexual touching that continued despite your clear physical boundaries. Sexual assault refers to any unwanted sexual contact without consent, regardless of whether clothes were involved or not. The fact that you repeatedly pushed his hand away clearly communicated your lack of consent, yet he persisted and even escalated by moving his hand higher.

](/en/answer/i-went-out-for-drinks-with-a-friend-and-he-kept-trying-to-touch-me-repeatedly-putting-his-hand-on-my-thigh-every-time-i-pushed-him-away-his-hand-would-move-higher-is-this-still-considered-sexual-assau)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-went-out-for-drinks-with-a-friend-and-he-kept-trying-to-touch-me-repeatedly-putting-his-hand-on-my-thigh-every-time-i-pushed-him-away-his-hand-would-move-higher-is-this-still-considered-sexual-assau#comments)

[

#### If someone who was 12-13 placed their hand on a younger child's fully clothed crotch area for a few seconds, and removed their hand when the younger child said something, would this typically be considered criminal behavior or abuse/assault in the US?

🇺🇸

This situation involves inappropriate sexual contact with a significant age gap between the children involved. Whether this would be legally classified as abuse, assault, or criminal behavior depends on several factors, including the specific laws in your state, the ages involved, and the context of what happened. Different jurisdictions handle these situations differently, and some might address this through child welfare systems rather than the criminal justice system due to the ages of those involved.

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-12-13-placed-their-hand-on-a-younger-childs-fully-clothed-crotch-area-for-a-few-seconds-and-removed-their-hand-when-the-younger-child-said-something-would-this-typically-be-consider)

2 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

27 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-12-13-placed-their-hand-on-a-younger-childs-fully-clothed-crotch-area-for-a-few-seconds-and-removed-their-hand-when-the-younger-child-said-something-would-this-typically-be-consider#comments)

[

#### Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA): Can a victim be older than their perpetrator?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question. Yes, it is possible for a victim of child-on-child sexual abuse to be older than their perpetrator. Child-on-child sexual abuse involves a minor engaging in sexually abusive behavior towards another minor. In such cases, the age difference between the survivor and the perpetrator can vary, and it is not solely dependent on the chronological age of the individuals involved.

](/en/answer/child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-can-a-victim-be-older-than-their-perpetrator-80)

4 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-can-a-victim-be-older-than-their-perpetrator-80#comments)

[

#### Can you talk about sexting coercion?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this question! Especially during COVID, sexting coercion is something that many people can experience now that we are limiting our in-person exposure to others. The access we have to other people through the avenue of technology comes with both opportunities and threats. We have various experiences online, from connecting with new people to catching up with old friends. Technology has infiltrated every aspect of our culture, including sexual violence.

](/en/answer/can-you-talk-about-sexting-coercion-19)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/can-you-talk-about-sexting-coercion-19#comments)

[

#### How does religious trauma intertwine with sexual assault trauma?

🇺🇸

Thank you for bringing this question here. You are asking about two kinds of pain that often intertwine and your instinct that they are connected is well supported. Religious trauma is a term people use for lasting harm connected to religious beliefs, communities, or leaders. It is not a formal diagnosis, but clinicians increasingly recognize the pattern (e.g. fear of punishment, deep shame, difficulty trusting your own judgment, and grief over a lost community or relationship with God). Sexual assault trauma tends to live in many of the same...

](/en/answer/how-does-religious-trauma-intertwine-with-sexual-assault-trauma-975)

2 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/how-does-religious-trauma-intertwine-with-sexual-assault-trauma-975#comments)

[

#### What is COCSA? What is considered COCSA between same aged, pre-adolescent children? Are there any resources or research on the subject to help determine what behavior is healthy vs. abusive?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question. We receive a lot of questions about COCSA and I encourage you to read some of our other answers that relate to this as well as our recent blog post that summarizes what we know about it for more information. COCSA stands for Child on Child Sexual Abuse. It refers to sexual activity between children that involves coercion, force, or lack of consent. Determining whether sexual behavior between children is abusive depends on factors like whether there is a significant age or developmental difference, use of force, coe...

](/en/answer/what-is-cocsa-what-is-considered-cocsa-between-same-aged-pre-adolescent-children-are-there-any-resources-or-research-on-the-subject-to-help-determine-what-behavior-is-healthy-vs-abusive-123)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-is-cocsa-what-is-considered-cocsa-between-same-aged-pre-adolescent-children-are-there-any-resources-or-research-on-the-subject-to-help-determine-what-behavior-is-healthy-vs-abusive-123#comments)

[

#### If someone who was drunk kissed someone who was sober/tipsy, would that be considered sexual assault? If so, who would be held accountable - the person who was drunk or the person who was sober/tipsy?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. The situation you're describing involves nuanced considerations about consent and accountability, which can be complex. When alcohol is involved, consent becomes more complicated because intoxication can impair someone's ability to give meaningful consent. The level of intoxication matters significantly - someone who is extremely intoxicated may not be able to consent to sexual activity, while someone who is mildly intoxicated might still have the capacity to make decisions. Consent must...

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-drunk-kissed-someone-who-was-sober-tipsy-would-that-be-considered-sexual-assault-if-so-who-would-be-held-accountable-the-person-who-was-drunk-or-the-person-who-was-sober-tipsy-571)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-drunk-kissed-someone-who-was-sober-tipsy-would-that-be-considered-sexual-assault-if-so-who-would-be-held-accountable-the-person-who-was-drunk-or-the-person-who-was-sober-tipsy-571#comments)

[

#### What differentiates molestation from other forms of abuse? Can a child/preteen be molested by someone the same age?

🇰🇼

Thank you for these thoughtful questions about such a complex topic. From a clinical perspective, molestation generally refers specifically to sexual touching and contact of children under the age of 18, while sexual abuse is a broader term that can include non-contact activities (like exposure, voyeurism, or showing explicit material to a child) as well as contact abuse. However, it's important to note that these terms are often used interchangeably, and their precise definitions can vary by context, location, and legal jurisdiction.

](/en/answer/what-differentiates-molestation-from-other-forms-of-abuse-can-a-child-preteen-be-molested-by-someone-the-same-age-327)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-differentiates-molestation-from-other-forms-of-abuse-can-a-child-preteen-be-molested-by-someone-the-same-age-327#comments)

[

#### Is it still considered childhood-on-child-sexual abuse (COCSA) if I was forced to say yes during the experience?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I'm sorry to hear that you're grappling with such a difficult and confusing experience. Consent must be given freely, willingly, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If you were forced to say "yes," then genuine consent was not present. Being forced to give consent is not true consent at all--it is coercion and it completely invalidates any verbal agreement you may have given.

](/en/answer/is-it-still-considered-childhood-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-i-was-forced-to-say-yes-during-the-experience-685 "Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I'm sorry to hear that you're grappling with such a difficult and confusing experience. Consent must be given freely, willingly, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If you were forced to say \"yes,\" then genuine consent was not present. Being forced to give consent is not true consent at all--it is coercion and it completely invalidates any verbal agreement you may have given.")

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-it-still-considered-childhood-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-i-was-forced-to-say-yes-during-the-experience-685#comments)

[

#### How do inappropriate or potentially abusive childhood sexual interactions affect both children involved as they grow up? Can the child who initiated unwanted behaviors experience difficult feelings like shame or regret later in life, even if they didn't understand the impact at the time? How do these early experiences affect both children's emotional development?

🇺🇸

This is a thoughtful and complex question. Thank you for asking it. Situations like you described can indeed have lasting effects on everyone involved, though these impacts may manifest differently. For children who initiated unwanted sexual behaviors, the later recognition of their actions can bring overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion - especially as they develop a mature understanding of consent and boundaries. Many may struggle with questions like "Why did I do that?" or "Was I a bad person?" It's crucial to understand that...

](/en/answer/how-do-inappropriate-or-potentially-abusive-childhood-sexual-interactions-affect-both-children-involved-as-they-grow-up-can-the-child-who-initiated-unwanted-behaviors-experience-difficult-feelings-like-shame-or-regret-later-in-life-even-if-they-didnt-understand-the-impact-at-the-time-how-do-these-early-experiences-affect-both-childrens-emotional-development-313 "This is a thoughtful and complex question. Thank you for asking it. Situations like you described can indeed have lasting effects on everyone involved, though these impacts may manifest differently.
For children who initiated unwanted sexual behaviors, the later recognition of their actions can bring overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion - especially as they develop a mature understanding of consent and boundaries. Many may struggle with questions like \"Why did I do that?\" or \"Was I a bad person?\" It's crucial to understand that...")

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/how-do-inappropriate-or-potentially-abusive-childhood-sexual-interactions-affect-both-children-involved-as-they-grow-up-can-the-child-who-initiated-unwanted-behaviors-experience-difficult-feelings-like-shame-or-regret-later-in-life-even-if-they-didnt-understand-the-impact-at-the-time-how-do-these-early-experiences-affect-both-childrens-emotional-development-313#comments)

[

#### I'm interested in understanding the difference between child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) and sexual assaults committed by young people who are deliberately seeking power over their victims. How can we distinguish between these situations, given that in COCSA both children are often considered victims?

🇧🇷

This is an important and nuanced question. Understanding the distinctions between different types of sexual behavior involving minors is crucial for providing appropriate support and intervention. Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) typically refers to situations where a child engages another child in sexual behavior that exceeds the normal boundaries of childhood sexual exploration. In these cases, the initiating child often lacks full understanding of the implications of their actions and may be acting out behaviors they've experienced or wi...

](/en/answer/im-interested-in-understanding-the-difference-between-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-and-sexual-assaults-committed-by-young-people-who-are-deliberately-seeking-power-over-their-victims-how-can-we-distinguish-between-these-situations-given-that-in-cocsa-both-children-are-often-considered-victims-209)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/im-interested-in-understanding-the-difference-between-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-and-sexual-assaults-committed-by-young-people-who-are-deliberately-seeking-power-over-their-victims-how-can-we-distinguish-between-these-situations-given-that-in-cocsa-both-children-are-often-considered-victims-209#comments)

[

#### Can I 'retraumatize' myself by constantly thinking about a traumatic event from my teenage years? I keep analyzing what I did or didn't do at the time. I kept it secret due to shame and guilt, and though it might not seem as 'severe' as other experiences, I wonder if my constant rumination could be harmful. Can overthinking make the trauma worse?

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out and asking this important question about trauma processing. The concern about making things worse through rumination is something many survivors struggle with, and it's valid to want to understand how our thoughts might affect our healing.

](/en/answer/can-i-retraumatize-myself-by-constantly-thinking-about-a-traumatic-event-from-my-teenage-years-i-keep-analyzing-what-i-did-or-didnt-do-at-the-time-i-kept-it-secret-due-to-shame-and-guilt-and-though-it-might-not-seem-as-severe-as-other-experiences-i-wonder-if-my-constant-rumination-could-be-harmful-can-overthinking-make-the-trauma-worse-414)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/can-i-retraumatize-myself-by-constantly-thinking-about-a-traumatic-event-from-my-teenage-years-i-keep-analyzing-what-i-did-or-didnt-do-at-the-time-i-kept-it-secret-due-to-shame-and-guilt-and-though-it-might-not-seem-as-severe-as-other-experiences-i-wonder-if-my-constant-rumination-could-be-harmful-can-overthinking-make-the-trauma-worse-414#comments)

[

#### Can power imbalances exist between same-aged peers, even when there's no disability involved? How does a lack of sex education or guidance impact the overall dynamics in a child-on-child sexual assault (COCSA) situation?

🇮🇳

Yes, power imbalances can certainly exist between peers who are the same age, such as two 14-year-olds, even when there is no disability involved. Age is just one factor in a complex interplay of dynamics that contribute to power in relationships. Other factors like physical size, emotional maturity, intellectual development, social status, prior experiences, and even personality traits can create significant imbalances between individuals of the same age.For instance, one 14-year-old might be more physically developed, giving them an advantag...

](/en/answer/can-power-imbalances-exist-between-same-aged-peers-even-when-theres-no-disability-involved-how-does-a-lack-of-sex-education-or-guidance-impact-the-overall-dynamics-in-a-cocsa-situation-698)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/can-power-imbalances-exist-between-same-aged-peers-even-when-theres-no-disability-involved-how-does-a-lack-of-sex-education-or-guidance-impact-the-overall-dynamics-in-a-cocsa-situation-698#comments)

[

#### I'm curious about the legal and ethical implications of sexual encounters where one party unknowingly engages with someone who can't consent. This could be due to forced prostitution or conditions like sexsomnia. How responsible is a person for recognizing these situations? I'm trying to understand these complex scenarios without unfairly blaming those who might be unaware of the full circumstances. How do law and ethics view such situations?

🇧🇷

Thank you for asking this question. I will try my best to respond, as some of these situations are quite individualized and complicated. Sexual consent is a critical aspect of any intimate encounter. It's important to recognize that in some complex situations, one party might be unable to give consent due to various circumstances, including coercion or medical conditions like sexsomnia.

](/en/answer/im-curious-about-the-legal-and-ethical-implications-of-sexual-encounters-where-one-party-unknowingly-engages-with-someone-who-cant-consent-this-could-be-due-to-forced-prostitution-or-conditions-like-sexsomnia-how-responsible-is-a-person-for-recognizing-these-situations-im-trying-to-understand-these-complex-scenarios-without-unfairly-blaming-those-who-might-be-unaware-of-the-full-circumstances-how-do-law-and-ethics-view-such-situations-240)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/im-curious-about-the-legal-and-ethical-implications-of-sexual-encounters-where-one-party-unknowingly-engages-with-someone-who-cant-consent-this-could-be-due-to-forced-prostitution-or-conditions-like-sexsomnia-how-responsible-is-a-person-for-recognizing-these-situations-im-trying-to-understand-these-complex-scenarios-without-unfairly-blaming-those-who-might-be-unaware-of-the-full-circumstances-how-do-law-and-ethics-view-such-situations-240#comments)

[

#### In my amateur research about child-on-child sexual assault (COCSA), I noticed that the events usually happen up to the age of 14. Does this mean that 14 is the age limit?

🇧🇷

Thank you for reaching out with this important question! Understanding the nuances of COCSA can be complex, and it's great that you're seeking clarity. COCSA refers to sexual activities between children that are inappropriate for their age or developmental stage, especially when there is an element of coercion, manipulation, or a significant power imbalance. While many documented cases involve children up to the age of 14, this doesn't mean that 14 is a strict upper age limit for such incidents.

](/en/answer/in-my-amateur-research-about-child-on-child-sexual-assault-cocsa-i-noticed-that-the-events-usually-happen-up-to-the-age-of-14-does-this-mean-that-14-is-the-age-limit-419)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/in-my-amateur-research-about-child-on-child-sexual-assault-cocsa-i-noticed-that-the-events-usually-happen-up-to-the-age-of-14-does-this-mean-that-14-is-the-age-limit-419#comments)

[

#### What is the difference between molestation and other forms of abuse? Does it always happen between an adult and child or between someone with power and someone vulnerable?

🇰🇼

Thank you for asking this question. Molestation is a specific type of sexual abuse that involves unwanted sexual contact or touching. While it's often associated with child sexual abuse, it's important to understand that molestation and other forms of abuse can occur in various contexts and between individuals of any age.

](/en/answer/what-is-the-difference-between-molestation-and-other-forms-of-abuse-does-it-always-happen-between-an-adult-and-child-or-between-someone-with-power-and-someone-vulnerable-197)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-is-the-difference-between-molestation-and-other-forms-of-abuse-does-it-always-happen-between-an-adult-and-child-or-between-someone-with-power-and-someone-vulnerable-197#comments)

[

#### How does sexual abuse affect the body and mind on both a biological and psychological level, and why are humans particularly vulnerable to its impacts compared to other animals? Is there an evolutionary explanation for this? I'm particularly interested in how sexual abuse and cases of Child-on-child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) affect the body and mind, as I'm trying to understand my own experiences and how different types of abuse impact people differently.

🇬🇧

Thank you so much for reaching out to us with this question. I hope we can help you understand these complex processes in a way that supports your healing journey. Our human capacity for deep emotional connection and meaning-making is both a gift and a source of vulnerability when it comes to trauma. Unlike other animals, we create rich social bonds and find profound meaning in our experiences. While these qualities usually enrich our lives immensely, they can also make us especially sensitive to experiences that violate our trust or sense of...

](/en/answer/how-does-sexual-abuse-affect-the-body-and-mind-on-both-a-biological-and-psychological-level-and-why-are-humans-particularly-vulnerable-to-its-impacts-compared-to-other-animals-is-there-an-evolutionary-explanation-for-this-im-particularly-interested-in-how-sexual-abuse-and-cases-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-affect-the-body-and-mind-as-im-trying-to-understand-my-own-experiences-and-how-different-types-of-abuse-impact-people-differently-405)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/how-does-sexual-abuse-affect-the-body-and-mind-on-both-a-biological-and-psychological-level-and-why-are-humans-particularly-vulnerable-to-its-impacts-compared-to-other-animals-is-there-an-evolutionary-explanation-for-this-im-particularly-interested-in-how-sexual-abuse-and-cases-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-affect-the-body-and-mind-as-im-trying-to-understand-my-own-experiences-and-how-different-types-of-abuse-impact-people-differently-405#comments)

[

#### I'm trying to define something that happened to me when I was younger. I know that based on the law, rape involves penetration, no matter how slight. Someone performed oral contact on me without consent, and also made me perform oral contact on them. I know that it was assault, but was it rape? I understand that at the end of the day it doesn't matter what I call it, but I am autistic and knowing how to define this would help me untangle a lot of confusion.

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry you're feeling confused about how to define what happened, especially when those memories are hazy and you were so young at the time. Your need to understand and categorize what happened to you is completely valid and understandable. Many survivors find that having clear definitions helps them process their experiences, and this is especially true for people who are autistic. There's nothing weird about wanting clarity around these terms.

](/en/answer/im-trying-to-define-something-that-happened-to-me-when-i-was-younger-i-know-that-based-on-the-law-rape-involves-penetration-no-matter-how-slight-someone-performed-oral-contact-on-me-without-consent-an)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/im-trying-to-define-something-that-happened-to-me-when-i-was-younger-i-know-that-based-on-the-law-rape-involves-penetration-no-matter-how-slight-someone-performed-oral-contact-on-me-without-consent-an#comments)

[

#### Is it abuse to force or pressure someone into a romantic relationship or into dating you?

🇰🇼

Yes, forcing or pressuring someone into a romantic relationship or into dating is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. Everyone has the right to make their own choices about relationships freely and without coercion. When someone tries to compel another person to be in a relationship against their will, it disregards their feelings and autonomy, which can lead to emotional distress and harm.

](/en/answer/is-it-abuse-to-force-or-pressure-someone-into-a-romantic-relationship-or-into-dating-you-449)

3 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

1 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-it-abuse-to-force-or-pressure-someone-into-a-romantic-relationship-or-into-dating-you-449#comments)

[

#### Is it sexual assault if I said no several times, but the other person kept insisting until I eventually said yes?

🇨🇱

I'm so sorry you went through this. What you're describing is a situation where your initial boundaries were clear. You said no multiple times. When someone continues to pressure you after you've declined, wearing you down until you agree, that "yes" isn't freely given. Consent requires that both people feel comfortable and respected in their decision. If you felt like you had to say "yes" just to stop the repeated insisting, or because you were exhausted by the pressure, it's understandable that this experience would leave you feeling violate...

](/en/answer/is-it-sexual-assault-if-i-said-no-several-times-but-the-other-person-kept-insisting-until-i-eventually-said-yes-782 "I'm so sorry you went through this. What you're describing is a situation where your initial boundaries were clear. You said no multiple times. When someone continues to pressure you after you've declined, wearing you down until you agree, that \"yes\" isn't freely given. Consent requires that both people feel comfortable and respected in their decision. If you felt like you had to say \"yes\" just to stop the repeated insisting, or because you were exhausted by the pressure, it's understandable that this experience would leave you feeling violate...")

4 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-it-sexual-assault-if-i-said-no-several-times-but-the-other-person-kept-insisting-until-i-eventually-said-yes-782#comments)

[

#### Is anal sex considered rape?

🇲🇼

The word "rape" is used in many different contexts including survivors, advocates, and the legal system. Its exact definition can vary depending on where you look. Legally, definitions differ depending on where you live, and in most places the law does criminalize anal penetration without consent, though it may be called something different, like sexual assault or criminal sexual conduct. Outside of legal definitions, many advocates, educators, and support organizations define rape more broadly as any penetration without consent and that inclu...

](/en/answer/is-anal-sex-considered-rape-865 "The word \"rape\" is used in many different contexts including survivors, advocates, and the legal system. Its exact definition can vary depending on where you look. Legally, definitions differ depending on where you live, and in most places the law does criminalize anal penetration without consent, though it may be called something different, like sexual assault or criminal sexual conduct. Outside of legal definitions, many advocates, educators, and support organizations define rape more broadly as any penetration without consent and that inclu...")

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/is-anal-sex-considered-rape-865#comments)

[

#### If someone violates someone sexually but claims they didn't mean it sexually, is it still considered sexual abuse/assault?

🇰🇼

Great question. Sexual abuse/assault is defined by the nature of the act and its impact on the person who experienced it, not by the claimed intentions of the person who caused harm. If someone touches another person's private areas or engages in sexualized behavior that violates boundaries, that's sexual in nature regardless of what they say they meant to do.

](/en/answer/if-someone-violates-someone-sexually-but-claims-they-didnt-mean-it-sexually-is-it-still-considered-sexual-abuse-assault-332)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/if-someone-violates-someone-sexually-but-claims-they-didnt-mean-it-sexually-is-it-still-considered-sexual-abuse-assault-332#comments)

[

#### When I was younger (9), someone four years older than me (13) touched my breast and genital area while I was sleeping. Would this generally be considered child-on-child sexual abuse, or would it be viewed as criminal activity in most places in the US?

🇺🇸

This situation would generally be understood as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The four-year age gap, the nature of the touching, and the fact that one child was asleep are all significant factors that indicate this was an abusive situation rather than age-appropriate exploration.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-9-someone-four-years-older-than-me-13-touched-my-breast-and-genital-area-while-i-was-sleeping-would-this-generally-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-or-would-it-be-viewed-as)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

7 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-9-someone-four-years-older-than-me-13-touched-my-breast-and-genital-area-while-i-was-sleeping-would-this-generally-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-or-would-it-be-viewed-as#comments)

[

#### COCSA includes coercion or manipulation, however it is unclear what coercion can look like in these situations. What behaviours might count as coercion between children, particularly in younger preadolescent children?

🇬🇧

Thank you for asking this question. Coercion, at its core, means that one person's ability to freely say no has been taken away or worn down. It does not require a raised voice or a physical threat. Between adults, we often picture coercion as open threats or physical force. Between children, and especially younger children who have not yet reached their teenage years, coercion tends to look quieter and more relational. It can be subtle enough that neither child has the words to name it at the time, and yet its effects are just as real.

](/en/answer/cocsa-includes-coercion-or-manipulation-however-it-is-unclear-what-coercion-can-look-like-in-these-situations-what-behaviours-might-count-as-coercion-between-children-particularly-in-younger-preadoles-955)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/cocsa-includes-coercion-or-manipulation-however-it-is-unclear-what-coercion-can-look-like-in-these-situations-what-behaviours-might-count-as-coercion-between-children-particularly-in-younger-preadoles-955#comments)

[

#### Even though I've been assaulted more by women, I've developed anxiety about men instead. I don't understand why and I feel like its unjustified.

🇰🇼

I'm so sorry to hear about the assaults you've experienced. Your feelings and reactions are valid, even if they seem confusing or counterintuitive to you. There could be several reasons why you've developed anxiety about men despite experiencing more assaults from women. Let me run through some potential ideas.

](/en/answer/even-though-ive-been-assaulted-more-by-women-ive-developed-anxiety-about-men-instead-i-dont-understand-why-and-i-feel-like-its-unjustified-281)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/even-though-ive-been-assaulted-more-by-women-ive-developed-anxiety-about-men-instead-i-dont-understand-why-and-i-feel-like-its-unjustified-281#comments)

[

#### Can a nine-year-old unknowingly sexually assault another nine-year-old? Is it considered wrong because they were a child when they did it? Is it even assault if they didn't know what they were doing was wrong?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for asking this question. These are complex and sensitive questions that don't have simple yes or no answers. Children at age nine typically do not have a full understanding of sexual behavior or its implications. Their actions are often driven by curiosity, imitation of things they've seen or heard, or sometimes as a response to their own experiences of abuse.

](/en/answer/can-a-nine-year-old-unknowingly-sexually-assault-another-nine-year-old-is-it-considered-wrong-because-they-were-a-child-when-they-did-it-is-it-even-assault-if-they-didnt-know-what-they-were-doing-was-wrong-176)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/can-a-nine-year-old-unknowingly-sexually-assault-another-nine-year-old-is-it-considered-wrong-because-they-were-a-child-when-they-did-it-is-it-even-assault-if-they-didnt-know-what-they-were-doing-was-wrong-176#comments)

[

#### Does it count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) if the sexual abuse was by someone familiar to me who was around a year older than me?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question! To learn more about the intricacies surrounding age gaps and childhood sexual abuse, follow this link to a previous response we provided for another survivor processing a similar situation: https://stories.ourwave.org/en/answer/child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-can-a-victim-be-older-than-their-perpetrator-80

](/en/answer/does-it-count-as-cocsa-if-the-sexual-abuse-was-by-someone-familiar-to-me-who-was-around-a-year-older-than-me-91)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/does-it-count-as-cocsa-if-the-sexual-abuse-was-by-someone-familiar-to-me-who-was-around-a-year-older-than-me-91#comments)

[

#### When I was around 6-7 years old, another child of a similar age repeatedly pressured, emotionally manipulated, and guilt-tripped me into engaging in oral sex. Despite me saying no numerous times, he continued to pressure me until I eventually complied. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question and I am so sorry you experienced this. Based on the information you've shared, it sounds like what you experienced could be child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The repeated pressure, emotional manipulation, and guilt-tripping to engage in sexual acts, even though you both were young, is concerning and may constitute abusive behavior. Your repeated refusals should have been respected, and the fact that the other child continued to coerce you until you complied suggests a violation of your boundaries and autono...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-around-6-7-years-old-another-child-of-a-similar-age-repeatedly-pressured-emotionally-manipulated-and-guilt-tripped-me-into-engaging-in-oral-sex-despite-me-saying-no-numerous-times-he-continued-to-pressure-me-until-i-eventually-complied-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-151)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-around-6-7-years-old-another-child-of-a-similar-age-repeatedly-pressured-emotionally-manipulated-and-guilt-tripped-me-into-engaging-in-oral-sex-despite-me-saying-no-numerous-times-he-continued-to-pressure-me-until-i-eventually-complied-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-151#comments)

[

#### I have a domestic violence case against my abusive ex. Recently, after my 18th birthday, I learned he's been showing people nude photos and sexual images of us from when I was 17. Initially, I didn't believe it, but now another witness has confirmed it. If I bring this up in court, would it be considered a child pornography offense since I was underage when the photos were taken?

🇺🇸

Wow. This sounds like a terrible situation. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. While I cannot provide direct legal advice, I can offer some general considerations about your situation that I hope helps guide your decision. The distribution of sexual images of a minor (under 18) is typically considered a serious offense under child pornography laws. Since the images were taken when you were 17, they would likely fall into this category. This could potentially lead to additional charges against your ex-partner, separate from the existing...

](/en/answer/i-have-a-domestic-violence-case-against-my-abusive-ex-recently-after-my-18th-birthday-i-learned-hes-been-showing-people-nude-photos-and-sexual-images-of-us-from-when-i-was-17-initially-i-didnt-believe-it-but-now-another-witness-has-confirmed-it-if-i-bring-this-up-in-court-would-it-be-considered-a-child-pornography-offense-since-i-was-underage-when-the-photos-were-taken-279)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-have-a-domestic-violence-case-against-my-abusive-ex-recently-after-my-18th-birthday-i-learned-hes-been-showing-people-nude-photos-and-sexual-images-of-us-from-when-i-was-17-initially-i-didnt-believe-it-but-now-another-witness-has-confirmed-it-if-i-bring-this-up-in-court-would-it-be-considered-a-child-pornography-offense-since-i-was-underage-when-the-photos-were-taken-279#comments)

[

#### I had an incident when I was 11 where I kissed my cousin's child (who was younger than me) on the lips once when we were alone on the stairs. Now that I'm an adult, I feel extremely guilty about this childhood interaction and worry I did something inappropriate or traumatic to them. Could this one kiss be considered child sexual abuse? I want to move past this heavy guilt that haunts me.

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing something that has clearly been weighing on you for a long time. Let me try to provide some information that might help. When we look back at childhood behaviors through our adult understanding, it's common to feel guilt or shame about things we did when we were much younger. At 11 years old, children are naturally curious about the world around them and are still developing their understanding of appropriate boundaries, relationships, and social norms. The behavior you described - a single kiss that occurred when y...

](/en/answer/i-had-an-incident-when-i-was-11-where-i-kissed-my-cousins-child-who-was-younger-than-me-on-the-lips-once-when-we-were-alone-on-the-stairs-now-that-im-an-adult-i-feel-extremely-guilty-about-this-childh)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/i-had-an-incident-when-i-was-11-where-i-kissed-my-cousins-child-who-was-younger-than-me-on-the-lips-once-when-we-were-alone-on-the-stairs-now-that-im-an-adult-i-feel-extremely-guilty-about-this-childh#comments)

[

#### Why do some victims of abuse become perpetrators?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out. Great question! We appreciate you for asking it. Your willingness to understand these complex dynamics is valuable for prevention and healing. Understanding why some victims of abuse become perpetrators requires careful examination through both trauma-informed and preventative lenses.

](/en/answer/why-do-some-victims-of-abuse-become-perpetrators-435)

1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/why-do-some-victims-of-abuse-become-perpetrators-435#comments)

[

#### When I was a child my neighbor (also a child) showed me sexual things. I only know it happened because I have flash memories of it and her asking if it felt good. I don’t remember ever saying no, or stop, or I don’t like it. After we moved, I was really hypersexual and would masturbate a lot. I would cry and feel terrible about myself because I thought it was wrong. Would this be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or am I just being dramatic??

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for this question. I want to start by saying that you are not being dramatic. Sexual activities between children can be extremely confusing to process. We have actually received many similar questions to this in the past, so we created a blog post to share what we know about this type of abuse. Take a look at that here: Child-on-child Sexual Abuse (COCSA): Frequently Asked Questions and Considerations ~ Making Waves (ourwave.org)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-child-my-neighbor-showed-me-sexual-things-would-this-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-or-am-i-just-being-dramatic-101)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

1 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-child-my-neighbor-showed-me-sexual-things-would-this-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-or-am-i-just-being-dramatic-101#comments)

[

#### What is the difference between sexual abuse and sexual assault? Is sexual abuse a broader term that encompasses sexual assault? If someone said what happened wasn't sexual abuse, does that mean it also wasn't sexual assault?

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry you've been grappling with these definitions and how they might apply to your own experience. These terms can feel confusing because they're often used in different ways depending on the context—legal definitions, clinical settings, and everyday conversation don't always align.

](/en/answer/what-is-the-difference-between-sexual-abuse-and-sexual-assault-is-sexual-abuse-a-broader-term-that-encompasses-sexual-assault-if-someone-said-what-happened-wasnt-sexual-abuse-does-that-mean-it-also-wa)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

1 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/what-is-the-difference-between-sexual-abuse-and-sexual-assault-is-sexual-abuse-a-broader-term-that-encompasses-sexual-assault-if-someone-said-what-happened-wasnt-sexual-abuse-does-that-mean-it-also-wa#comments)

[

#### When I was in middle school, my older sister, who was in her late teens, would engage in sexual activity with her boyfriends in front of me. She would claim that they weren't doing anything inappropriate because she thought I believed her and didn't want me to tell our parents. My parents often used me as a pawn to keep an eye on her, thinking she wouldn't misbehave if her younger sibling was present. She would also share graphic sexual stories with me and encourage me to be sexual, smoke, and use drugs, while simultaneously telling me those things were bad and not to do them. I often feel like I'm upset over nothing, but these experiences sent me down a dark path, making me vulnerable to grooming, sexual abuse, coercion, and even sex trafficking. Was this child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), or just inappropriate behavior?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us. What you experienced with your older sister during your middle school years was not okay, and your feelings about it are valid. It's understandable that you're questioning whether this was child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or just "not good." Based on what you've shared, it sounds like your sister's behavior towards you was inappropriate and harmful, even if she may not have intended to cause you distress.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-middle-school-my-older-sister-who-was-in-her-late-teens-would-engage-in-sexual-activity-with-her-boyfriends-in-front-of-me-she-would-claim-that-they-werent-doing-anything-inappropriate-because-she-thought-i-believed-her-and-didnt-want-me-to-tell-our-parents-my-parents-often-used-me-as-a-pawn-to-keep-an-eye-on-her-thinking-she-wouldnt-misbehave-if-her-younger-sibling-was-present-she-would-also-share-graphic-sexual-stories-with-me-and-encourage-me-to-be-sexual-smoke-and-use-drugs-while-simultaneously-telling-me-those-things-were-bad-and-not-to-do-them-i-often-feel-like-im-upset-over-nothing-but-these-experiences-sent-me-down-a-dark-path-making-me-vulnerable-to-grooming-sexual-abuse-coercion-and-even-sex-trafficking-was-this-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-or-just-inappropriate-behavior-153)

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-middle-school-my-older-sister-who-was-in-her-late-teens-would-engage-in-sexual-activity-with-her-boyfriends-in-front-of-me-she-would-claim-that-they-werent-doing-anything-inappropriate-because-she-thought-i-believed-her-and-didnt-want-me-to-tell-our-parents-my-parents-often-used-me-as-a-pawn-to-keep-an-eye-on-her-thinking-she-wouldnt-misbehave-if-her-younger-sibling-was-present-she-would-also-share-graphic-sexual-stories-with-me-and-encourage-me-to-be-sexual-smoke-and-use-drugs-while-simultaneously-telling-me-those-things-were-bad-and-not-to-do-them-i-often-feel-like-im-upset-over-nothing-but-these-experiences-sent-me-down-a-dark-path-making-me-vulnerable-to-grooming-sexual-abuse-coercion-and-even-sex-trafficking-was-this-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-or-just-inappropriate-behavior-153#comments)

Show more questions

## More topics

[

Making sense of childhood experiences

](/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)[

Making sense of adult experiences

](/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-adult-experiences)[

Managing emotions and how you feel in your body

](/en/learn/topics/managing-emotions-and-how-you-feel-in-your-body)[

Seeking help after trauma

](/en/learn/topics/seeking-help-after-trauma)[

Sex, sexuality, and intimacy after trauma

](/en/learn/topics/sex-sexuality-and-intimacy-after-trauma)[

Sharing your story with others

](/en/learn/topics/sharing-your-story-with-others)

[See all topics](/en/learn/topics)

For immediate help, visit {{resource}}

Made with in Raleigh, NC

|

Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms)

|

[

#### Resources

](/en/resources)

### Post a Message

Share a message of support with the community.

Continue

We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support.

Post

Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted.

### Ask a Question

Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors.

Continue

We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support.

Submit

### How can we help?

Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly.

Violence, hate, or exploitation

Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion

Bullying or unwanted contact

Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages

Scam, fraud, or impersonation

Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else

False information

Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation

Submit

### Share Feedback

Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving.

Submit

### Log in

Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile.

Send link

Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready