---
title: Seeking help after trauma: Expert Answers ~ Our Wave
description: Seeking help after trauma: 59 survivor questions answered by trauma-informed experts in the Our Wave community.
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/learn/topics/seeking-help-after-trauma.md
---

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# Seeking help after trauma

Ask a question

Questions about finding support after trauma, from therapy and hotlines to medical care and reporting, and what to expect along the way.

59 questions from survivors on this topic, each answered by a trauma-informed expert.

[

#### Why might survivors of gender-based violence may feel hesitant to report the human rights violation?

🇿🇦

Thank you for your question. If you have not experienced any form of gender-based harm, it might be hard to imagine why survivors who go through these horrific experiences do not always report them. Unfortunately, due to the characteristics of one's sexual harm experience, the lack of protection for survivors, and historical injustices within the criminal-legal system, gender-based violence is the most underreported crime. For example, it is estimated that 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police and only 12% of child sexual abu...

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#### Can you recommend resources and books on healing from sexual abuse?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question. There are several valuable books and resources available that can support your healing journey from sexual abuse. Some books we recommend include: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk explores how trauma affects the brain and body, offering insights into treating traumatic stress and new paths to recovery. It provides a comprehensive look at the nature of trauma and its impact on our physical and mental well-being.

](/en/answer/can-you-recommend-resources-and-books-on-healing-from-sexual-abuse-191 "Thank you for this question. There are several valuable books and resources available that can support your healing journey from sexual abuse. Some books we recommend include:
\"The Body Keeps the Score\" by Bessel van der Kolk explores how trauma affects the brain and body, offering insights into treating traumatic stress and new paths to recovery. It provides a comprehensive look at the nature of trauma and its impact on our physical and mental well-being.")

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#### If I want to seek professional help for my experiences, what are my options?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for joining us on this FAQ journey. As we finish this series, we want to remind you about all of the professional options available to you to help in your healing journey. Remember that this process is different for everyone and not everyone chooses to engage in formal services.

](/en/answer/if-i-want-to-seek-professional-help-for-my-experiences-what-are-my-options-21)

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#### How do I cope with feeling like I want a traumatic experience to happen again?

🇰🇼

Thank you for sharing this with us. I want you to know that what you're feeling is valid, and you're not alone in experiencing these complex emotions. These feelings you're describing are actually quite common among survivors of sexual violence and trauma, though they're rarely discussed openly.

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#### I feel like it's too late for healing, and that I should have opened up about my trauma before. How do you shift from that mindset?

🇦🇷

This is a really tough place to be in and we appreciate you reaching out and trusting us with these feelings. That weight of feeling "too late" for healing is something many survivors struggle with. Please know you're not alone in this experience. It's never too late to begin this journey, even though I completely understand why it might feel that way.

](/en/answer/i-feel-like-its-too-late-for-healing-and-that-i-should-have-opened-up-about-my-trauma-before-how-do-you-shift-from-that-mindset-421 "This is a really tough place to be in and we appreciate you reaching out and trusting us with these feelings. That weight of feeling \"too late\" for healing is something many survivors struggle with. Please know you're not alone in this experience. It's never too late to begin this journey, even though I completely understand why it might feel that way.")

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[

#### What is the rape kit backlog and what are my evidence collecting options?

🇺🇸

After a sexual assault, a survivor can choose to have forensic exam (sometimes called a “rape kit” or “SANE exam”) completed at a hospital or designated rape crisis center with a specially trained medical professional. A forensic exam typically assesses and documents any injuries, swabs for DNA evidence, and administers medication to prevent pregnancy and STD/STIs. This exam is free and is most effective when it is completed within 72 hours after an assault has occurred.

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#### What is the reporting process like?

🇺🇸

It can be extremely challenging to decide if you want to report the sexual harm you experienced. While reporting is not for everyone, here are some details about reporting to help you make an informed choice. First, consider what reporting body would make most sense for your safety and healing. If sexual harm occurred in the context of work or while you are attending a university, you may want to file a formal complaint within those institutions, to help create environment-specific safeguards you may need should you choose to continue t...

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#### Is there a support group for survivors?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this! We are actively working toward developing support groups directly through our website and we're so excited to be able to offer that in the future. In the meantime, there are wonderful ways to find connection both in your area and online.

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#### My father has kept me trapped at home since my childhood. I cannot go out without his monitoring even though I have never done anything wrong. Now that I am at university I still cannot go anywhere without his control and I feel like I am suffocating. What should I do?

🇰🇼

Thank you for trusting us with this. I'm really sorry you have lived under such tight control for so long, and I hear how suffocating it is to feel you have no freedom. Feeling trapped at home with no ability to go out, even now that you are in university, is not a small issue and can affect not just your emotions but your sense of who you are.

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[

#### Can there be medical evidence 10 years later after experiencing sodomy, rape or sexual assault?

🇺🇸

It is extremely rare for there to be medical evidence 10 years after experiencing sexual assault, rape, or sodomy although it may depend on a number of factors such as the type of assault, the age and health of the victim, and whether or not evidence was collected at the time of the assault.

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[

#### After being assaulted, the person who harmed me continued making advances for months. When I finally declined, he said I made him feel worthless and now ignores me daily. I have an emotional attachment to him, feel guilty, and want to apologize. I'm struggling with sleep and appetite, and seeing him daily is excruciating. How do I cope?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you're experiencing is incredibly difficult, and I want to acknowledge the courage it took to set a boundary after what you've been through. The physical symptoms you describe—trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and feeling like you're drowning—are common responses to trauma and ongoing stress. These are your body's natural reactions, not signs of weakness.

](/en/answer/after-being-assaulted-the-person-who-harmed-me-continued-making-advances-for-months-when-i-finally-declined-he-said-i-made-him-feel-worthless-and-now-ignores-me-daily-i-have-an-emotional-attachment-to)

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[

#### After experiencing a PTSD breakdown, I shared details about my sexual assault with my boyfriend's mother. Even though she responded with kindness, I now feel overwhelmed and like she knows too much about me. I feel smaller, confined, and like I'm drowning. Why might I be feeling this way, and how can I cope with these feelings?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. What you're experiencing makes complete sense, and I want you to know that these feelings are a normal response to sharing something so deeply personal during a vulnerable moment. What you're describing sounds like what many people call a "vulnerability hangover" - that overwhelming sense of regret, shame, or discomfort that can follow after opening up about something deeply personal, even when the person responds with kindness.

](/en/answer/after-experiencing-a-ptsd-breakdown-i-shared-details-about-my-sexual-assault-with-my-boyfriends-mother-even-though-she-responded-with-kindness-i-now-feel-overwhelmed-and-like-she-knows-too-much-about "Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. What you're experiencing makes complete sense, and I want you to know that these feelings are a normal response to sharing something so deeply personal during a vulnerable moment. What you're describing sounds like what many people call a \"vulnerability hangover\" - that overwhelming sense of regret, shame, or discomfort that can follow after opening up about something deeply personal, even when the person responds with kindness.")

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[

#### What should I do if I was fired or retaliated against in my workplace for publicly disclosing the abuse I experienced?

🇺🇸

We are truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. It's crucial to know that you're not alone, and there are steps you can take to address this injustice. Consider seeking guidance from a trusted legal advisor who can help you understand your rights and navigate the potential recourse options, including filing a complaint with relevant authorities such as the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) if you live in the United States.

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[

#### I'm currently waiting for sentencing in my case, and today was supposed to be the day. This is about the fourth or fifth time it has been rescheduled, and I'm struggling with the delays. This doesn't feel fair - I've been waiting for this moment. What can I do to cope with this situation?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us during this incredibly difficult and exhausting time. What you're experiencing right now is profoundly challenging, and I want you to know that every feeling you're having - the frustration, disappointment, anger, and weariness - is completely valid and understandable. Waiting for sentencing is emotionally draining under the best of circumstances, and having it rescheduled four or five times feels like a cruel extension of your pain. You're absolutely right that this isn't fair, and I'm so sorry the system is f...

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[

#### Should my health information be protected if I received an abortion due to becoming pregnant by non-consensual sex? I recently read an article that abortion records are going to be made public and immediately threw up. I never wanted to think about it again and the thought of it being public record makes me sick. Why am I having such a strong reaction to a news article?

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry to hear that you're experiencing such a strong reaction to this news article. It's completely understandable that the thought of your personal health information becoming public would cause you significant distress, especially given the circumstances you've described. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to acknowledge them.

](/en/answer/should-my-health-information-be-protected-if-i-received-an-abortion-due-to-becoming-pregnant-by-non-consensual-sex-i-recently-read-an-article-that-abortion-records-are-going-to-be-made-public-and-imme)

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[

#### I experienced sexual violence. How do I get over the guilt of reporting it?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question. I want to start by acknowledging your strength and courage in reaching out for support. Dealing with the aftermath of sexual violence is incredibly difficult, and the feelings of guilt you're experiencing are a common and valid response to trauma and the decisions survivors often need to make in the aftermath. Please know that the guilt is not yours to carry - the responsibility lies solely with the person who harmed you.

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#### Do you have legal advice for victims who are experiencing violence?

🇵🇭

Thank you for this question. Unfortunately, we cannot provide any official legal advice for individuals who are experiencing violence, but we can review some options that may be applicable to you. Victims’ involvement with the legal system typically involves either reporting the violence to the police and participating in the justice process if charges are pursued or pursuing remedies within the civil legal system such as civil orders of protection, financial assistance, and child custody. Below are some professional supports you may tur...

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#### I grew up with physical and emotional abuse and neglect, and I've done a lot of my own research into mental health conditions. I think medication might be part of what I need. But my family completely denies that any of it happened. Where do I even start when the people who were supposed to protect me won't acknowledge what they did?

🇨🇦

Thank you for reaching out, and for doing the quiet, determined work of looking inward, learning about your own experiences, and searching for what you might need. That is not a small thing. The fact that you are here, asking this question, is a meaningful act of standing up for yourself. The instinct that brought you here is worth following.What you went through as a child was real. Your family denying it does not change what happened in that house or in your body. When the people who were supposed to protect you also refuse to acknowledge wh...

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[

#### I am 18 and my parents fight frequently, and my father often curses at my mother. Recently, he threatened to hit her in front of guests. I've tried to get him to apologize, but he doesn't seem remorseful. How do I handle witnessing this ongoing conflict between my parents?

🇮🇳

Thank you for trusting us with this. It sounds like you are going through an incredibly tense and distressing situation at home. It can feel scary, confusing, and frustrating to see your father threaten violence and show no regret for his words or behavior, especially when it happens right in front of others. It's understandable to want him to apologize and realize how much fear and hurt this is causing, both for your mother and for you. Having constant conflict at home, along with the threat of physical harm, can take a serious emotional toll...

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#### What can I do to cope with sexual trauma if I don’t have access to professional help and don’t live in a healthy or stable environment?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out. I am so sorry you're going through this. You deserve to feel safe, supported, and able to heal, even if those things feel impossible right now. The fact that you're dealing with this trauma on top of a difficult living environment is so much for one person to carry. But please know that you're not alone, and there are still ways to care for yourself and work towards recovery, even in these challenging circumstances.

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#### I find getting after care counseling from trauma-informed counselors very difficult in my state. Do you have any advice?

🇩🇰

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. Finding trauma-informed counselors can be quite difficult depending on the state you live in, but they are out there. It can be a frustrating process, but you deserve to receive the support you need. Here are some tips we have found helpful when navigating this often challenging infrastructure.

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#### I feel guilty for having flashbacks and panic attacks like I should be over it by now. I'll encounter a reminder that leads to an episode but I keep believing I'm responsible for letting it become a full panic attack. I minimize my experience and belittle myself for reacting when I'm supposed to be fine. I've gotten negative feedback from sharing my sexual assault and that insinuates I responded wrongly and am healing sub-par. How can I have grace towards myself? Can you help me identify the thought patterns as to why I might put all responsibility on me? Why do I resist letting it hurt?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with these challenging feelings. What you're experiencing is incredibly common for survivors of sexual assault. The guilt, self-blame, and pressure to "be over it by now" are not signs of healing improperly—they're actually typical trauma responses. Your brain and body are working through a profound violation, and there is no timeline for when this process should be complete.

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#### When I was young, my older sister engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with me, including making me perform oral sex on her. I didn't understand what was happening at the time, but it sparked a chain of events including an addiction to explicit videos that I'm still struggling with in my 20s. I think she believes I don't remember the incident. I understand the situation is complicated because she was also young, but I can't help feeling angry. I've discussed this in therapy, but I'm having trouble moving past it. What can I do?

🇿🇦

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing this experience and seeking help. What happened to you was not your fault, regardless of your sister's age at the time. Your feelings of anger are completely valid and a natural response to a boundary violation that occurred during your formative years.

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#### When I was younger (12), my older brother molested me over the course of a few months. He doesn't know that I know, because he thought I was sleeping. Our relationship looks "normal" now, because I don't know what else to do. Some days it's all I can think about and I feel so sick I can't even speak. I have no one to tell. I don't want this to ruin my family, and I don't know if they'd even believe me. I need to know who I can talk to and how to deal with this.

🇨🇦

What you are carrying right now is an enormous amount for one person to hold alone and reaching out here took real courage. Thank you for being here. What you are describing is something a significant number of survivors have lived through. Some people use the term child-on-child sexual abuse, sometimes shortened to COCSA, to describe experiences like these. You do not have to use that label if it does not feel right to you, but knowing it exists, and knowing you are far from alone in this, matters. Research consistently shows that sibli...

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#### Are there certified therapists who specialize in helping survivors of grooming and sexual abuse/violence? I've been trying to find someone who can help me make sense of my trauma from experiences that happened when I was a preteen/teen. I also need help understanding my own role in what happened. The whole thing feels painful and complex, and I'm honestly scared of what I might learn beyond what I already know.

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us and I am so sorry you are experiencing so much complexity and pain. You do not deserve to feel this way. Yes, there are absolutely therapists who specialize in working with survivors of sexual violence and grooming. Many therapists have specialized training in trauma-informed care and specific certifications that have been shown to be helpful with survivors of trauma and abuse (e.g. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), or Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral T...

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#### The harm I experienced happened 4 years ago. I'm no longer in contact with the friend who did it - all my friends cut contact with them for similar reasons after I finally told them everything. They were supportive. While I'm mostly fine now and everything seems resolved, I still think about it often. How do I move forward when it's 'over'? Should I just try to forget about it?

🇮🇹

This is a really great question. Thank you for trusting us with it. Healing from trauma doesn't mean forgetting - it's natural that these memories still surface. What you experienced was significant, and while having supportive friends and distance from the person who harmed you are important steps, they don't erase the impact. Many survivors find that even after the acute crisis is "over," they still sometimes continue to process their experiences through recurring thoughts, emotions, or memories. This isn't a sign that you're "stuck" or doin...

](/en/answer/the-harm-i-experienced-happened-4-years-ago-im-no-longer-in-contact-with-the-friend-who-did-it-all-my-friends-cut-contact-with-them-for-similar-reasons-after-i-finally-told-them-everything-they-were-supportive-while-im-mostly-fine-now-and-everything-seems-resolved-i-still-think-about-it-often-how-do-i-move-forward-when-its-over-should-i-just-try-to-forget-about-it-342 "This is a really great question. Thank you for trusting us with it. Healing from trauma doesn't mean forgetting - it's natural that these memories still surface. What you experienced was significant, and while having supportive friends and distance from the person who harmed you are important steps, they don't erase the impact. Many survivors find that even after the acute crisis is \"over,\" they still sometimes continue to process their experiences through recurring thoughts, emotions, or memories. This isn't a sign that you're \"stuck\" or doin...")

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#### Is there any one-on-one support or group of survivors available to speak with? I have been searching for so long to speak to someone about my experience.

🇺🇸

Finding support after experiencing sexual violence is incredibly important, and your desire to connect with others who understand is completely natural. Many survivors find that speaking with others who have had similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation and provide validation.

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#### When I was younger, I was sexually abused by my best friend. I was really young, only nine years old, and didn't know it was wrong until years later. We were both nine at the time. Then it happened again two years ago. How do I handle all of this? I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing to cope with all of this. This is my first time sharing my full story. I need help.

🇺🇸

Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. What happened to you at age nine, and again two years ago, was not your fault. Sexual abuse by a friend, especially when you're so young, can be incredibly confusing and traumatic. It's completely understandable that you're struggling to cope with these experiences.

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#### During an experience that would be considered assault, I participated willingly and even enjoyed aspects of it physically. However, I was under the age of consent at the time. If I didn't experience it negatively in the moment, does that mean it wasn't actually sexual assault?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings about this complicated situation. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and unsure about how to label what happened. When it comes to consent and age, things can become quite complex, especially when emotions and personal actions are involved.

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#### What are some ways to process sexual abuse experiences without immediate access to professional therapy or counseling?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this important question. Processing sexual abuse without immediate access to professional help can be challenging, but is often necessary in a world where mental health support can be costly and inaccessible. There are other strategies and resources out there that can support your healing journey. Here are some suggestions on how you might begin to process sexual abuse without a therapist or counselor:

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#### Why do I keep questioning whether what happened was abuse? Sometimes it feels clear it was inappropriate touching, but other times I doubt my experience and find myself uncertain. Is this a common response for survivors?

🇦🇷

Thank you for trusting us with these complex and painful feelings. I know firsthand how exhausting and confusing it can be to question whether what happened to you was abuse. Your question touches on something many survivors experience, and these feelings of doubt are completely normal responses to trauma, even though they can feel overwhelming and isolating.

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#### I don't want to believe I was assaulted as a young child because I know this person very well and can't see it in them to act this way but I can recall details and have vivid flashbacks. What should I do? How do I seek help for this?

🇮🇪

Thank you so much for trusting us with this question. To start, you are not alone. It is quite common for individuals who are processing childhood trauma in adulthood to feel confused, frightened, and frustrated. It is also common for survivors to not want to believe what happened to them was real. Only you know what you have experienced, but here are some of our thoughts below.

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#### Around age 7, my cousin (a girl 7 months younger than me) exposed me to pornography. I can't tell if that would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or 'normal' childhood behavior. My experiences worsened throughout childhood - at ages 8-9, I have memories of my older brothers molesting me through inappropriate touching. From age 9 until 21, I was groomed by predators online, which severely impacted my self-perception. I'm working with a therapist and doing art therapy to help my inner child express emotions around these experiences. What other self-healing approaches could I try at home to address this deep-rooted trauma?

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to revisit these experiences. What you've been through is incredibly challenging, and it's completely understandable that you're finding it hard to heal from such deep-rooted trauma.It's important to acknowledge that the experiences you had with your cousin and brothers were not your fault. Being exposed to pornography at such a young age and experiencing unwanted touching can be confusing and distressing, especially when it involves family members. These ear...

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#### I experienced some troubling situations in my childhood, particularly related to potential sexual abuse by my father. There are unclear memories from when I was very young, and some concerning incidents as I got older, including inappropriate touching. My mother's response was often unhelpful, sometimes even blaming. My sister may have had similar experiences. Now that I am a bit older, I struggle with intrusive thoughts and hyperfixation on related topics. I'm having difficulty processing these experiences and memories, especially the vague ones from when I was very young. How can I begin to address this without access to professional help, given my family situation?

🇧🇷

Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes immense courage to talk about such difficult and personal matters. I'm deeply sorry for what you've been through and the challenges you're facing now. Please remember that what happened to you is not your fault. The responsibility lies entirely with the adults who should have protected you.

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[

#### I was sexually abused by an older cousin when I was around 9-11 years old. During this same period, I engaged in similar behaviors with my younger sister. The details of this time are hazy in my memory. I once asked my sister if our cousin had abused her too, and she said she didn't remember anything like that. I have no access to professional help and don't know how to navigate this situation. I've struggled with shame and worthlessness my whole life. I know I need to take responsibility for harming my sister, but I'm afraid talking to her about it will ruin our relationship. Recently, child abuse was discussed in our circle, and I felt that she remembers what happened. I think she's avoiding me now. How do I handle this without access to professional resources?

🇪🇬

Thank you for your courage in sharing such a deeply personal experience. Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse experience memory fragmentation and haziness - this is a normal response to trauma. Your brain was trying to protect you from overwhelming experiences. What happened with your older cousin was a violation of your trust and wellbeing. As a child between the ages of 9 and 11, you were not responsible for his actions. He was significantly older and should have protected you, not harmed you.

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#### I'm feeling invalidated after being raped. The prosecution has refused to move forward with my case and hasn't gotten my rape kit results back yet. I feel silenced and pushed aside. What can I do from here?

🇺🇸

I'm so deeply sorry for what you're going through. The pain you're feeling right now - that sense of being invalidated, silenced, and pushed aside - is heartbreaking and so unfair. You came forward with tremendous courage, you trusted a system that was supposed to support you, and instead you've been met with what feels like indifference and abandonment. That's not just disappointing; it's wrong, and your anger and hurt about this are completely justified.

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[

#### If you use a service to remove non-consensual intimate images, do the people working there have to look at the photos when you submit them? I want to use one of these services but I'm worried about more people seeing the images.

🇰🇼

Thank you so much for asking this. It's completely natural and understandable to feel worried about having anyone else see those photos. The good news is that the most reputable organizations devoted to helping survivors like you have developed systems specifically designed to honor your privacy and keep you in control. Services like StopNCII.org and Take It Down understand exactly why privacy matters so much to survivors, and they've built their entire approach around protecting you from any additional exposure or harm.

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[

#### How can I report my groomer anonymously in Canada? Specifically, Alberta. I only know his first name, have some of his messages but no confession, and have no pictures of him. Is it even possible to anonymously report if he’s in the United States?

🇨🇦

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. Reaching out for help - even anonymously - shows incredible courage. You're taking an important step, and I am happy to share some potential options with you as I understand them, although I am not a legal expert.

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[

#### When I was 14-15, I engaged once in an inappropriate boundary-crossing game with a much younger child (5) that involved rubbing around private areas while fully clothed. We stopped when they asked, and I immediately told my parents who explained boundaries to me. I had experienced childhood sexual trauma myself and didn't understand self-gratification. Eleven years later, I still feel terrible about this incident, and my OCD causes intrusive thoughts telling me I'm an abuser. I've discussed this with my therapist but continue to struggle. How can I understand and process this childhood mistake?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this. What happened was inappropriate and crossed important boundaries that should exist between children of different ages and developmental stages. At the same time, I hear the genuine remorse and concern in your words, which speaks to your character today.

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#### My therapist made comments suggesting women who freeze during assault 'wanted it' or are 'dirty,' though she backtracked saying my situation as a teenager was different. I've been afraid to share details about my abuse beyond the minimum, and now I'm even more scared. I don't want to continue therapy, but my mom already paid for the sessions, and I don't know how to address this with either of them. Should I just ignore these comments since they weren't directly about my situation?

🇰🇼

Thank you for trusting us with this. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with your therapist. It sounds like her comments were not only hurtful but also made you feel unsafe sharing your experiences. First, I want you to know that what happened to you was absolutely not your fault, and your response—whatever it was—was your body's way of protecting you in an impossible situation.

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[

#### I hesitate to report my rapist because of his age. He has wrecked me financially, and while I don't want him to spend the rest of his life in prison, I feel like I have no other option. The mental trauma is too crippling for me to work. He claims he cannot make restitution and that I have no right to sue his insurance for liability. What are my options?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. The complexity of what you are navigating right now is real, and the fact that you are weighing all of this so carefully says a lot about who you are as a person. It is completely valid to hold complicated feelings about reporting, including not wanting a certain outcome for someone, even someone who has caused you profound harm.

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#### Someone who assaulted me months ago recently threatened suicide and blamed me for not forgiving them. During our confrontation, we both exchanged harmful words about self-harm and I had a harsh response to them because I was at my breaking point. They're now in the hospital and seem to be portraying themselves as the victim. Was my harsh response wrong given the circumstances and my emotional state?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this difficult situation. First and foremost, I want to acknowledge how incredibly painful and confusing this must be for you. Being confronted by someone who has harmed you, only to have them threaten self-harm when you don't respond as they want, creates an overwhelming emotional burden that no one should have to carry.

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Community note

This question contains references to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a crisis helpline.

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#### I recently escaped my attacker but learned I need spinal surgery due to the repeated attacks. I'm struggling to survive, feeling alone, ignored, and hopeless. My life has changed dramatically and I desperately need support and help. Where can I turn?

🇺🇸

I really appreciate you reaching out to us for support. I hear your pain and I want you to know that your call for help has been heard. You've already shown incredible strength by escaping your attacker, and you deserve immediate, concrete support for everything you're going through.

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#### I've experienced grooming and abuse online since I was young. At 17, I met up with a 42-year-old counselor and had a sexual encounter with him. I feel conflicted because part of me wanted it, but I also felt uncomfortable and confused. After he left, I missed him intensely, developed a porn addiction, and consumed problematic fictional content that now haunts me. Does this make me a bad person? How do I heal from these experiences even though I've already recognized they were harmful and stopped months ago? I recently turned 18 and struggle with intrusive thoughts related to the abuse.

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It's incredibly brave of you to open up about your experiences, especially when they're causing you such complex feelings. Please know that you are not a bad person. Many survivors of grooming and sexual abuse struggle with complex feelings that can include both attraction and discomfort. When an adult in a position of power (like a 42-year-old counselor) initiates a sexual relationship with a teenager, it creates an inherent power imbalance. The adult bears the responsibility for maintaining a...

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#### I need advice about a concerning situation with a friend. During a weekend sleepover, a friend and I kissed one night. The next evening, I told everyone I didn't want to be touched, but this same friend continued to touch me inappropriately despite my request. Later, when I went to bed, he joined me uninvited. Despite my clear refusal, he began touching me sexually. Although I initially resisted, I eventually started to feel some physical enjoyment. However, the next day I felt uncomfortable discussing it. I'm confused about whether what he did was wrong, or if I'm overthinking the situation. What's your perspective on this?

🇿🇦

Thank you for reaching out and trusting us with the details of your situation. To start, what happened to you was not okay. Your friend's actions were a clear violation of your consent and boundaries. You explicitly stated that you didn't want to be touched, and later said no to his advances in bed. Consent is crucial in any sexual interaction, and it should be enthusiastic, ongoing, and can be withdrawn at any time.

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#### I believe I was sexually harassed/assaulted by a school friend and I don’t know what to do. I believe I was sexually harassed/assaulted by a school friend in my school's theatre group. They would touch me romantically as a 'joke', starting with playing with my hair and holding my hand, then progressing to grabbing my waist and groping my thighs. I reported her to my theatre teacher, but nothing happened. The more I think about these incidents, the more pain and anger I feel. What should I do?

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. I'm deeply sorry you've gone through this and that your initial attempt to report it wasn't adequately addressed. You deserve to feel supported and have your discomfort acknowledged. What you've described could indeed be considered sexual harassment and potentially sexual assault depending on the nature of the unwanted touching. Unwanted touching of any kind, especially when it escalates to groping intimate areas like thighs, is a serious violation of your personal boundaries and bodily autonomy...

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#### I woke up one night to someone fondling my breast. When I told a relative, they said to let it go because the person was also a relative and younger. I recently started having flashbacks of the incident. Later, my partner violated my boundaries and used physical violence when I said no. I feel disgust, anger, and weakness for not understanding that what happened wasn't okay. How do I deal with these feelings? Is this normal?

🇬🇧

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through. It takes a lot of courage to share your story, and I'm glad you reached out. What happened to you was not your fault, and your feelings are completely valid. It's understandable that you're experiencing a mix of emotions like anger, rage, disgust, and a sense of overwhelming mental weight.

](/en/answer/i-woke-up-one-night-to-someone-fondling-my-breast-when-i-told-a-relative-they-said-to-let-it-go-because-the-person-was-also-a-relative-and-younger-i-recently-started-having-flashbacks-of-the-incident)

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#### Is unwanted physical contact from a peer considered harassment? I have this group of bus friends, some are good but others I dislike being around. One girl in the grade below me has always treated me poorly, making me the joke of the group and intentionally upsetting me. Recently, her behavior has escalated - she's always been somewhat physical (snatching my phone, grabbing my hands, touching my thigh once), but now she grabs my chin without permission daily, caresses my head, and behaves in ways that make me uncomfortable. After the first chin-grabbing incident, I felt like crap for the rest of the day and couldn't focus in class. I don't know what to do, and I hesitate to seek help because I worry my situation isn't serious enough compared to what others experience.

🇺🇸

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this situation. What you're describing sounds like unwanted physical contact that's making you uncomfortable and impacting your well-being - this is absolutely valid to be concerned about. The behavior you've described—someone grabbing your chin, touching your thigh, caressing your head, and taking your belongings without permission—is not okay. This kind of unwanted physical contact can indeed be considered harassment.

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#### I'm struggling with a difficult family situation. My brother has been verbally abusing me for years, and when I try to confront him, he turns it back on me. My sister isn't supportive either. They're my only family, and I feel lost and alone. I'm disabled, which makes everything harder. I see a therapist, but I don't feel like I'm making progress. Are there online support groups or clubs I could join? I've heard about the #MeToo movement - could they help me confront my brother? I'm look for guidance on how to handle this and where to find support.

🇺🇸

Thank you for your bravery in reaching out to us. We care about your wellbeing and I want you to know that you're not alone in this struggle. What you are experiencing is incredibly difficult, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and in crisis.

](/en/answer/im-struggling-with-a-difficult-family-situation-my-brother-has-been-verbally-abusing-me-for-years-and-when-i-try-to-confront-him-he-turns-it-back-on-me-my-sister-isnt-supportive-either-theyre-my-only-family-and-i-feel-lost-and-alone-im-disabled-which-makes-everything-harder-i-see-a-therapist-but-i-dont-feel-like-im-making-progress-are-there-online-support-groups-or-clubs-i-could-join-ive-heard-about-the-metoo-movement-could-they-help-me-confront-my-brother-im-looking-for-guidance-on-how-to-handle-this-and-where-to-find-support-168)

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#### From ages 7 to 12, my younger sisters sexually assaulted me. I've also experienced what might be psychosis since age 6, though I can't confirm this professionally. I'm certain about the sexual assault, but I'm unsure how much of my memories are real versus delusions. My parents dismissed my experiences, saying "it's not real" or "it doesn't matter because they're younger and you don't have a right to feel violated." There was also significant non-sexual trauma. Is there a way to make sense of my childhood without therapy or medication, since I lack financial resources? I still live with my parents who provide financial support, and they wouldn't approve of me seeking therapy.

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. It takes a great deal of courage to talk about what you've been through, especially when you haven't had the support you deserve. I'm sorry to hear that you're facing these challenges, and you have every right to feel the way you do.

](/en/answer/from-ages-7-to-12-my-younger-sisters-sexually-assaulted-me-ive-also-experienced-what-might-be-psychosis-since-age-6-though-i-cant-confirm-this-professionally-im-certain-about-the-sexual-assault-but-im "From ages 7 to 12, my younger sisters sexually assaulted me. I've also experienced what might be psychosis since age 6, though I can't confirm this professionally. I'm certain about the sexual assault, but I'm unsure how much of my memories are real versus delusions. My parents dismissed my experiences, saying \"it's not real\" or \"it doesn't matter because they're younger and you don't have a right to feel violated.\" There was also significant non-sexual trauma. Is there a way to make sense of my childhood without therapy or medication, since I lack financial resources? I still live with my parents who provide financial support, and they wouldn't approve of me seeking therapy.")

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[

#### Why might survivors of gender-based violence may feel hesitant to report the human rights violation?

🇿🇦

Thank you for your question. If you have not experienced any form of gender-based harm, it might be hard to imagine why survivors who go through these horrific experiences do not always report them. Unfortunately, due to the characteristics of one's sexual harm experience, the lack of protection for survivors, and historical injustices within the criminal-legal system, gender-based violence is the most underreported crime. For example, it is estimated that 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police and only 12% of child sexual abu...

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#### How do I cope with feeling like I want a traumatic experience to happen again?

🇰🇼

Thank you for sharing this with us. I want you to know that what you're feeling is valid, and you're not alone in experiencing these complex emotions. These feelings you're describing are actually quite common among survivors of sexual violence and trauma, though they're rarely discussed openly.

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#### What is the reporting process like?

🇺🇸

It can be extremely challenging to decide if you want to report the sexual harm you experienced. While reporting is not for everyone, here are some details about reporting to help you make an informed choice. First, consider what reporting body would make most sense for your safety and healing. If sexual harm occurred in the context of work or while you are attending a university, you may want to file a formal complaint within those institutions, to help create environment-specific safeguards you may need should you choose to continue t...

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#### Can there be medical evidence 10 years later after experiencing sodomy, rape or sexual assault?

🇺🇸

It is extremely rare for there to be medical evidence 10 years after experiencing sexual assault, rape, or sodomy although it may depend on a number of factors such as the type of assault, the age and health of the victim, and whether or not evidence was collected at the time of the assault.

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#### What should I do if I was fired or retaliated against in my workplace for publicly disclosing the abuse I experienced?

🇺🇸

We are truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. It's crucial to know that you're not alone, and there are steps you can take to address this injustice. Consider seeking guidance from a trusted legal advisor who can help you understand your rights and navigate the potential recourse options, including filing a complaint with relevant authorities such as the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) if you live in the United States.

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#### I experienced sexual violence. How do I get over the guilt of reporting it?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question. I want to start by acknowledging your strength and courage in reaching out for support. Dealing with the aftermath of sexual violence is incredibly difficult, and the feelings of guilt you're experiencing are a common and valid response to trauma and the decisions survivors often need to make in the aftermath. Please know that the guilt is not yours to carry - the responsibility lies solely with the person who harmed you.

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[NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth Community](https://stories.nomore.org)

[

#### I am 18 and my parents fight frequently, and my father often curses at my mother. Recently, he threatened to hit her in front of guests. I've tried to get him to apologize, but he doesn't seem remorseful. How do I handle witnessing this ongoing conflict between my parents?

🇮🇳

Thank you for trusting us with this. It sounds like you are going through an incredibly tense and distressing situation at home. It can feel scary, confusing, and frustrating to see your father threaten violence and show no regret for his words or behavior, especially when it happens right in front of others. It's understandable to want him to apologize and realize how much fear and hurt this is causing, both for your mother and for you. Having constant conflict at home, along with the threat of physical harm, can take a serious emotional toll...

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#### I feel guilty for having flashbacks and panic attacks like I should be over it by now. I'll encounter a reminder that leads to an episode but I keep believing I'm responsible for letting it become a full panic attack. I minimize my experience and belittle myself for reacting when I'm supposed to be fine. I've gotten negative feedback from sharing my sexual assault and that insinuates I responded wrongly and am healing sub-par. How can I have grace towards myself? Can you help me identify the thought patterns as to why I might put all responsibility on me? Why do I resist letting it hurt?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with these challenging feelings. What you're experiencing is incredibly common for survivors of sexual assault. The guilt, self-blame, and pressure to "be over it by now" are not signs of healing improperly—they're actually typical trauma responses. Your brain and body are working through a profound violation, and there is no timeline for when this process should be complete.

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#### Are there certified therapists who specialize in helping survivors of grooming and sexual abuse/violence? I've been trying to find someone who can help me make sense of my trauma from experiences that happened when I was a preteen/teen. I also need help understanding my own role in what happened. The whole thing feels painful and complex, and I'm honestly scared of what I might learn beyond what I already know.

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us and I am so sorry you are experiencing so much complexity and pain. You do not deserve to feel this way. Yes, there are absolutely therapists who specialize in working with survivors of sexual violence and grooming. Many therapists have specialized training in trauma-informed care and specific certifications that have been shown to be helpful with survivors of trauma and abuse (e.g. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), or Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral T...

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#### When I was younger, I was sexually abused by my best friend. I was really young, only nine years old, and didn't know it was wrong until years later. We were both nine at the time. Then it happened again two years ago. How do I handle all of this? I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing to cope with all of this. This is my first time sharing my full story. I need help.

🇺🇸

Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. What happened to you at age nine, and again two years ago, was not your fault. Sexual abuse by a friend, especially when you're so young, can be incredibly confusing and traumatic. It's completely understandable that you're struggling to cope with these experiences.

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#### Why do I keep questioning whether what happened was abuse? Sometimes it feels clear it was inappropriate touching, but other times I doubt my experience and find myself uncertain. Is this a common response for survivors?

🇦🇷

Thank you for trusting us with these complex and painful feelings. I know firsthand how exhausting and confusing it can be to question whether what happened to you was abuse. Your question touches on something many survivors experience, and these feelings of doubt are completely normal responses to trauma, even though they can feel overwhelming and isolating.

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#### I experienced some troubling situations in my childhood, particularly related to potential sexual abuse by my father. There are unclear memories from when I was very young, and some concerning incidents as I got older, including inappropriate touching. My mother's response was often unhelpful, sometimes even blaming. My sister may have had similar experiences. Now that I am a bit older, I struggle with intrusive thoughts and hyperfixation on related topics. I'm having difficulty processing these experiences and memories, especially the vague ones from when I was very young. How can I begin to address this without access to professional help, given my family situation?

🇧🇷

Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes immense courage to talk about such difficult and personal matters. I'm deeply sorry for what you've been through and the challenges you're facing now. Please remember that what happened to you is not your fault. The responsibility lies entirely with the adults who should have protected you.

](/en/answer/i-experienced-some-troubling-situations-in-my-childhood-particularly-related-to-potential-sexual-abuse-by-my-father-there-are-unclear-memories-from-when-i-was-very-young-and-some-concerning-incidents-as-i-got-older-including-inappropriate-touching-my-mothers-response-was-often-unhelpful-sometimes-even-blaming-my-sister-may-have-had-similar-experiences-now-that-i-am-a-bit-older-i-struggle-with-intrusive-thoughts-and-hyperfixation-on-related-topics-im-having-difficulty-processing-these-experiences-and-memories-especially-the-vague-ones-from-when-i-was-very-young-how-can-i-begin-to-address-this-without-access-to-professional-help-given-my-family-situation-220)

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[

#### If you use a service to remove non-consensual intimate images, do the people working there have to look at the photos when you submit them? I want to use one of these services but I'm worried about more people seeing the images.

🇰🇼

Thank you so much for asking this. It's completely natural and understandable to feel worried about having anyone else see those photos. The good news is that the most reputable organizations devoted to helping survivors like you have developed systems specifically designed to honor your privacy and keep you in control. Services like StopNCII.org and Take It Down understand exactly why privacy matters so much to survivors, and they've built their entire approach around protecting you from any additional exposure or harm.

](/en/answer/if-you-use-a-service-to-remove-non-consensual-intimate-images-do-the-people-working-there-have-to-look-at-the-photos-when-you-submit-them-i-want-to-use-one-of-these-services-but-im-worried-about-more)

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#### My therapist made comments suggesting women who freeze during assault 'wanted it' or are 'dirty,' though she backtracked saying my situation as a teenager was different. I've been afraid to share details about my abuse beyond the minimum, and now I'm even more scared. I don't want to continue therapy, but my mom already paid for the sessions, and I don't know how to address this with either of them. Should I just ignore these comments since they weren't directly about my situation?

🇰🇼

Thank you for trusting us with this. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with your therapist. It sounds like her comments were not only hurtful but also made you feel unsafe sharing your experiences. First, I want you to know that what happened to you was absolutely not your fault, and your response—whatever it was—was your body's way of protecting you in an impossible situation.

](/en/answer/my-therapist-made-comments-suggesting-women-who-freeze-during-assault-wanted-it-or-are-dirty-though-she-backtracked-saying-my-situation-as-a-teenager-was-different-ive-been-afraid-to-share-details-abo)

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[

#### I recently escaped my attacker but learned I need spinal surgery due to the repeated attacks. I'm struggling to survive, feeling alone, ignored, and hopeless. My life has changed dramatically and I desperately need support and help. Where can I turn?

🇺🇸

I really appreciate you reaching out to us for support. I hear your pain and I want you to know that your call for help has been heard. You've already shown incredible strength by escaping your attacker, and you deserve immediate, concrete support for everything you're going through.

](/en/answer/i-recently-escaped-my-attacker-but-learned-i-need-spinal-surgery-due-to-the-repeated-attacks-im-struggling-to-survive-feeling-alone-ignored-and-hopeless-my-life-has-changed-dramatically-and-i-desperately-need-support-and-help-where-can-i-turn-324)

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#### I believe I was sexually harassed/assaulted by a school friend and I don’t know what to do. I believe I was sexually harassed/assaulted by a school friend in my school's theatre group. They would touch me romantically as a 'joke', starting with playing with my hair and holding my hand, then progressing to grabbing my waist and groping my thighs. I reported her to my theatre teacher, but nothing happened. The more I think about these incidents, the more pain and anger I feel. What should I do?

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. I'm deeply sorry you've gone through this and that your initial attempt to report it wasn't adequately addressed. You deserve to feel supported and have your discomfort acknowledged. What you've described could indeed be considered sexual harassment and potentially sexual assault depending on the nature of the unwanted touching. Unwanted touching of any kind, especially when it escalates to groping intimate areas like thighs, is a serious violation of your personal boundaries and bodily autonomy...

](/en/answer/i-believe-i-was-sexually-harassed-assaulted-by-a-school-friend-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do-i-believe-i-was-sexually-harassed-assaulted-by-a-school-friend-in-my-schools-theatre-group-they-would-touch-me-romantically-as-a-joke-starting-with-playing-with-my-hair-and-holding-my-hand-then-progressing-to-grabbing-my-waist-and-groping-my-thighs-i-reported-her-to-my-theatre-teacher-but-nothing-happened-the-more-i-think-about-these-incidents-the-more-pain-and-anger-i-feel-what-should-i-do-186)

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[

#### I'm struggling with a difficult family situation. My brother has been verbally abusing me for years, and when I try to confront him, he turns it back on me. My sister isn't supportive either. They're my only family, and I feel lost and alone. I'm disabled, which makes everything harder. I see a therapist, but I don't feel like I'm making progress. Are there online support groups or clubs I could join? I've heard about the #MeToo movement - could they help me confront my brother? I'm look for guidance on how to handle this and where to find support.

🇺🇸

Thank you for your bravery in reaching out to us. We care about your wellbeing and I want you to know that you're not alone in this struggle. What you are experiencing is incredibly difficult, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and in crisis.

](/en/answer/im-struggling-with-a-difficult-family-situation-my-brother-has-been-verbally-abusing-me-for-years-and-when-i-try-to-confront-him-he-turns-it-back-on-me-my-sister-isnt-supportive-either-theyre-my-only-family-and-i-feel-lost-and-alone-im-disabled-which-makes-everything-harder-i-see-a-therapist-but-i-dont-feel-like-im-making-progress-are-there-online-support-groups-or-clubs-i-could-join-ive-heard-about-the-metoo-movement-could-they-help-me-confront-my-brother-im-looking-for-guidance-on-how-to-handle-this-and-where-to-find-support-168)

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[

#### Can you recommend resources and books on healing from sexual abuse?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question. There are several valuable books and resources available that can support your healing journey from sexual abuse. Some books we recommend include: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk explores how trauma affects the brain and body, offering insights into treating traumatic stress and new paths to recovery. It provides a comprehensive look at the nature of trauma and its impact on our physical and mental well-being.

](/en/answer/can-you-recommend-resources-and-books-on-healing-from-sexual-abuse-191 "Thank you for this question. There are several valuable books and resources available that can support your healing journey from sexual abuse. Some books we recommend include:
\"The Body Keeps the Score\" by Bessel van der Kolk explores how trauma affects the brain and body, offering insights into treating traumatic stress and new paths to recovery. It provides a comprehensive look at the nature of trauma and its impact on our physical and mental well-being.")

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#### I feel like it's too late for healing, and that I should have opened up about my trauma before. How do you shift from that mindset?

🇦🇷

This is a really tough place to be in and we appreciate you reaching out and trusting us with these feelings. That weight of feeling "too late" for healing is something many survivors struggle with. Please know you're not alone in this experience. It's never too late to begin this journey, even though I completely understand why it might feel that way.

](/en/answer/i-feel-like-its-too-late-for-healing-and-that-i-should-have-opened-up-about-my-trauma-before-how-do-you-shift-from-that-mindset-421 "This is a really tough place to be in and we appreciate you reaching out and trusting us with these feelings. That weight of feeling \"too late\" for healing is something many survivors struggle with. Please know you're not alone in this experience. It's never too late to begin this journey, even though I completely understand why it might feel that way.")

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#### Is there a support group for survivors?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this! We are actively working toward developing support groups directly through our website and we're so excited to be able to offer that in the future. In the meantime, there are wonderful ways to find connection both in your area and online.

](/en/answer/is-there-a-support-group-for-survivors-868)

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#### After being assaulted, the person who harmed me continued making advances for months. When I finally declined, he said I made him feel worthless and now ignores me daily. I have an emotional attachment to him, feel guilty, and want to apologize. I'm struggling with sleep and appetite, and seeing him daily is excruciating. How do I cope?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you're experiencing is incredibly difficult, and I want to acknowledge the courage it took to set a boundary after what you've been through. The physical symptoms you describe—trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and feeling like you're drowning—are common responses to trauma and ongoing stress. These are your body's natural reactions, not signs of weakness.

](/en/answer/after-being-assaulted-the-person-who-harmed-me-continued-making-advances-for-months-when-i-finally-declined-he-said-i-made-him-feel-worthless-and-now-ignores-me-daily-i-have-an-emotional-attachment-to)

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#### I'm currently waiting for sentencing in my case, and today was supposed to be the day. This is about the fourth or fifth time it has been rescheduled, and I'm struggling with the delays. This doesn't feel fair - I've been waiting for this moment. What can I do to cope with this situation?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us during this incredibly difficult and exhausting time. What you're experiencing right now is profoundly challenging, and I want you to know that every feeling you're having - the frustration, disappointment, anger, and weariness - is completely valid and understandable. Waiting for sentencing is emotionally draining under the best of circumstances, and having it rescheduled four or five times feels like a cruel extension of your pain. You're absolutely right that this isn't fair, and I'm so sorry the system is f...

](/en/answer/im-currently-waiting-for-sentencing-in-my-case-and-today-was-supposed-to-be-the-day-this-is-about-the-fourth-or-fifth-time-it-has-been-rescheduled-and-im-struggling-with-the-delays-this-doesnt-feel-fa)

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[

#### Do you have legal advice for victims who are experiencing violence?

🇵🇭

Thank you for this question. Unfortunately, we cannot provide any official legal advice for individuals who are experiencing violence, but we can review some options that may be applicable to you. Victims’ involvement with the legal system typically involves either reporting the violence to the police and participating in the justice process if charges are pursued or pursuing remedies within the civil legal system such as civil orders of protection, financial assistance, and child custody. Below are some professional supports you may tur...

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#### What can I do to cope with sexual trauma if I don’t have access to professional help and don’t live in a healthy or stable environment?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out. I am so sorry you're going through this. You deserve to feel safe, supported, and able to heal, even if those things feel impossible right now. The fact that you're dealing with this trauma on top of a difficult living environment is so much for one person to carry. But please know that you're not alone, and there are still ways to care for yourself and work towards recovery, even in these challenging circumstances.

](/en/answer/what-can-i-do-to-cope-with-sexual-trauma-if-i-dont-have-access-to-professional-help-and-dont-live-in-a-healthy-or-stable-environment-145)

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#### When I was young, my older sister engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with me, including making me perform oral sex on her. I didn't understand what was happening at the time, but it sparked a chain of events including an addiction to explicit videos that I'm still struggling with in my 20s. I think she believes I don't remember the incident. I understand the situation is complicated because she was also young, but I can't help feeling angry. I've discussed this in therapy, but I'm having trouble moving past it. What can I do?

🇿🇦

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing this experience and seeking help. What happened to you was not your fault, regardless of your sister's age at the time. Your feelings of anger are completely valid and a natural response to a boundary violation that occurred during your formative years.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-young-my-older-sister-engaged-in-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-me-including-making-me-perform-oral-sex-on-her-i-didnt-understand-what-was-happening-at-the-time-but-it-sparked-a-chain-of)

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[

#### The harm I experienced happened 4 years ago. I'm no longer in contact with the friend who did it - all my friends cut contact with them for similar reasons after I finally told them everything. They were supportive. While I'm mostly fine now and everything seems resolved, I still think about it often. How do I move forward when it's 'over'? Should I just try to forget about it?

🇮🇹

This is a really great question. Thank you for trusting us with it. Healing from trauma doesn't mean forgetting - it's natural that these memories still surface. What you experienced was significant, and while having supportive friends and distance from the person who harmed you are important steps, they don't erase the impact. Many survivors find that even after the acute crisis is "over," they still sometimes continue to process their experiences through recurring thoughts, emotions, or memories. This isn't a sign that you're "stuck" or doin...

](/en/answer/the-harm-i-experienced-happened-4-years-ago-im-no-longer-in-contact-with-the-friend-who-did-it-all-my-friends-cut-contact-with-them-for-similar-reasons-after-i-finally-told-them-everything-they-were-supportive-while-im-mostly-fine-now-and-everything-seems-resolved-i-still-think-about-it-often-how-do-i-move-forward-when-its-over-should-i-just-try-to-forget-about-it-342 "This is a really great question. Thank you for trusting us with it. Healing from trauma doesn't mean forgetting - it's natural that these memories still surface. What you experienced was significant, and while having supportive friends and distance from the person who harmed you are important steps, they don't erase the impact. Many survivors find that even after the acute crisis is \"over,\" they still sometimes continue to process their experiences through recurring thoughts, emotions, or memories. This isn't a sign that you're \"stuck\" or doin...")

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[

#### During an experience that would be considered assault, I participated willingly and even enjoyed aspects of it physically. However, I was under the age of consent at the time. If I didn't experience it negatively in the moment, does that mean it wasn't actually sexual assault?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings about this complicated situation. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and unsure about how to label what happened. When it comes to consent and age, things can become quite complex, especially when emotions and personal actions are involved.

](/en/answer/during-an-experience-that-would-be-considered-assault-i-participated-willingly-and-even-enjoyed-aspects-of-it-physically-however-i-was-under-the-age-of-consent-at-the-time-if-i-didnt-experience-it-neg)

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#### I don't want to believe I was assaulted as a young child because I know this person very well and can't see it in them to act this way but I can recall details and have vivid flashbacks. What should I do? How do I seek help for this?

🇮🇪

Thank you so much for trusting us with this question. To start, you are not alone. It is quite common for individuals who are processing childhood trauma in adulthood to feel confused, frightened, and frustrated. It is also common for survivors to not want to believe what happened to them was real. Only you know what you have experienced, but here are some of our thoughts below.

](/en/answer/i-dont-want-to-believe-i-was-assaulted-as-a-young-child-because-i-know-this-person-very-well-and-cant-see-it-in-them-to-act-this-way-but-i-can-recall-details-and-have-vivid-flashbacks-what-should-i-do-how-do-i-seek-help-for-this-37)

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[

#### I was sexually abused by an older cousin when I was around 9-11 years old. During this same period, I engaged in similar behaviors with my younger sister. The details of this time are hazy in my memory. I once asked my sister if our cousin had abused her too, and she said she didn't remember anything like that. I have no access to professional help and don't know how to navigate this situation. I've struggled with shame and worthlessness my whole life. I know I need to take responsibility for harming my sister, but I'm afraid talking to her about it will ruin our relationship. Recently, child abuse was discussed in our circle, and I felt that she remembers what happened. I think she's avoiding me now. How do I handle this without access to professional resources?

🇪🇬

Thank you for your courage in sharing such a deeply personal experience. Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse experience memory fragmentation and haziness - this is a normal response to trauma. Your brain was trying to protect you from overwhelming experiences. What happened with your older cousin was a violation of your trust and wellbeing. As a child between the ages of 9 and 11, you were not responsible for his actions. He was significantly older and should have protected you, not harmed you.

](/en/answer/i-was-sexually-abused-by-an-older-cousin-when-i-was-around-9-11-years-old-during-this-same-period-i-engaged-in-similar-behaviors-with-my-younger-sister-the-details-of-this-time-are-hazy-in-my-memory-i)

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#### How can I report my groomer anonymously in Canada? Specifically, Alberta. I only know his first name, have some of his messages but no confession, and have no pictures of him. Is it even possible to anonymously report if he’s in the United States?

🇨🇦

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. Reaching out for help - even anonymously - shows incredible courage. You're taking an important step, and I am happy to share some potential options with you as I understand them, although I am not a legal expert.

](/en/answer/how-can-i-report-my-groomer-anonymously-in-canada-specifically-alberta-i-only-know-his-first-name-have-some-of-his-messages-but-no-confession-and-have-no-pictures-of-him-is-it-even-possible-to-anonymously-report-if-hes-in-the-united-states-391)

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#### I hesitate to report my rapist because of his age. He has wrecked me financially, and while I don't want him to spend the rest of his life in prison, I feel like I have no other option. The mental trauma is too crippling for me to work. He claims he cannot make restitution and that I have no right to sue his insurance for liability. What are my options?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. The complexity of what you are navigating right now is real, and the fact that you are weighing all of this so carefully says a lot about who you are as a person. It is completely valid to hold complicated feelings about reporting, including not wanting a certain outcome for someone, even someone who has caused you profound harm.

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#### I've experienced grooming and abuse online since I was young. At 17, I met up with a 42-year-old counselor and had a sexual encounter with him. I feel conflicted because part of me wanted it, but I also felt uncomfortable and confused. After he left, I missed him intensely, developed a porn addiction, and consumed problematic fictional content that now haunts me. Does this make me a bad person? How do I heal from these experiences even though I've already recognized they were harmful and stopped months ago? I recently turned 18 and struggle with intrusive thoughts related to the abuse.

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It's incredibly brave of you to open up about your experiences, especially when they're causing you such complex feelings. Please know that you are not a bad person. Many survivors of grooming and sexual abuse struggle with complex feelings that can include both attraction and discomfort. When an adult in a position of power (like a 42-year-old counselor) initiates a sexual relationship with a teenager, it creates an inherent power imbalance. The adult bears the responsibility for maintaining a...

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#### I woke up one night to someone fondling my breast. When I told a relative, they said to let it go because the person was also a relative and younger. I recently started having flashbacks of the incident. Later, my partner violated my boundaries and used physical violence when I said no. I feel disgust, anger, and weakness for not understanding that what happened wasn't okay. How do I deal with these feelings? Is this normal?

🇬🇧

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through. It takes a lot of courage to share your story, and I'm glad you reached out. What happened to you was not your fault, and your feelings are completely valid. It's understandable that you're experiencing a mix of emotions like anger, rage, disgust, and a sense of overwhelming mental weight.

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#### From ages 7 to 12, my younger sisters sexually assaulted me. I've also experienced what might be psychosis since age 6, though I can't confirm this professionally. I'm certain about the sexual assault, but I'm unsure how much of my memories are real versus delusions. My parents dismissed my experiences, saying "it's not real" or "it doesn't matter because they're younger and you don't have a right to feel violated." There was also significant non-sexual trauma. Is there a way to make sense of my childhood without therapy or medication, since I lack financial resources? I still live with my parents who provide financial support, and they wouldn't approve of me seeking therapy.

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. It takes a great deal of courage to talk about what you've been through, especially when you haven't had the support you deserve. I'm sorry to hear that you're facing these challenges, and you have every right to feel the way you do.

](/en/answer/from-ages-7-to-12-my-younger-sisters-sexually-assaulted-me-ive-also-experienced-what-might-be-psychosis-since-age-6-though-i-cant-confirm-this-professionally-im-certain-about-the-sexual-assault-but-im "From ages 7 to 12, my younger sisters sexually assaulted me. I've also experienced what might be psychosis since age 6, though I can't confirm this professionally. I'm certain about the sexual assault, but I'm unsure how much of my memories are real versus delusions. My parents dismissed my experiences, saying \"it's not real\" or \"it doesn't matter because they're younger and you don't have a right to feel violated.\" There was also significant non-sexual trauma. Is there a way to make sense of my childhood without therapy or medication, since I lack financial resources? I still live with my parents who provide financial support, and they wouldn't approve of me seeking therapy.")

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#### If I want to seek professional help for my experiences, what are my options?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for joining us on this FAQ journey. As we finish this series, we want to remind you about all of the professional options available to you to help in your healing journey. Remember that this process is different for everyone and not everyone chooses to engage in formal services.

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#### What is the rape kit backlog and what are my evidence collecting options?

🇺🇸

After a sexual assault, a survivor can choose to have forensic exam (sometimes called a “rape kit” or “SANE exam”) completed at a hospital or designated rape crisis center with a specially trained medical professional. A forensic exam typically assesses and documents any injuries, swabs for DNA evidence, and administers medication to prevent pregnancy and STD/STIs. This exam is free and is most effective when it is completed within 72 hours after an assault has occurred.

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#### My father has kept me trapped at home since my childhood. I cannot go out without his monitoring even though I have never done anything wrong. Now that I am at university I still cannot go anywhere without his control and I feel like I am suffocating. What should I do?

🇰🇼

Thank you for trusting us with this. I'm really sorry you have lived under such tight control for so long, and I hear how suffocating it is to feel you have no freedom. Feeling trapped at home with no ability to go out, even now that you are in university, is not a small issue and can affect not just your emotions but your sense of who you are.

](/en/answer/my-father-has-kept-me-trapped-at-home-since-my-childhood-i-cannot-go-out-without-his-monitoring-even-though-i-have-never-done-anything-wrong-now-that-i-am-at-university-i-still-cannot-go-anywhere-with)

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[

#### After experiencing a PTSD breakdown, I shared details about my sexual assault with my boyfriend's mother. Even though she responded with kindness, I now feel overwhelmed and like she knows too much about me. I feel smaller, confined, and like I'm drowning. Why might I be feeling this way, and how can I cope with these feelings?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. What you're experiencing makes complete sense, and I want you to know that these feelings are a normal response to sharing something so deeply personal during a vulnerable moment. What you're describing sounds like what many people call a "vulnerability hangover" - that overwhelming sense of regret, shame, or discomfort that can follow after opening up about something deeply personal, even when the person responds with kindness.

](/en/answer/after-experiencing-a-ptsd-breakdown-i-shared-details-about-my-sexual-assault-with-my-boyfriends-mother-even-though-she-responded-with-kindness-i-now-feel-overwhelmed-and-like-she-knows-too-much-about "Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. What you're experiencing makes complete sense, and I want you to know that these feelings are a normal response to sharing something so deeply personal during a vulnerable moment. What you're describing sounds like what many people call a \"vulnerability hangover\" - that overwhelming sense of regret, shame, or discomfort that can follow after opening up about something deeply personal, even when the person responds with kindness.")

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[

#### Should my health information be protected if I received an abortion due to becoming pregnant by non-consensual sex? I recently read an article that abortion records are going to be made public and immediately threw up. I never wanted to think about it again and the thought of it being public record makes me sick. Why am I having such a strong reaction to a news article?

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry to hear that you're experiencing such a strong reaction to this news article. It's completely understandable that the thought of your personal health information becoming public would cause you significant distress, especially given the circumstances you've described. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to acknowledge them.

](/en/answer/should-my-health-information-be-protected-if-i-received-an-abortion-due-to-becoming-pregnant-by-non-consensual-sex-i-recently-read-an-article-that-abortion-records-are-going-to-be-made-public-and-imme)

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#### I grew up with physical and emotional abuse and neglect, and I've done a lot of my own research into mental health conditions. I think medication might be part of what I need. But my family completely denies that any of it happened. Where do I even start when the people who were supposed to protect me won't acknowledge what they did?

🇨🇦

Thank you for reaching out, and for doing the quiet, determined work of looking inward, learning about your own experiences, and searching for what you might need. That is not a small thing. The fact that you are here, asking this question, is a meaningful act of standing up for yourself. The instinct that brought you here is worth following.What you went through as a child was real. Your family denying it does not change what happened in that house or in your body. When the people who were supposed to protect you also refuse to acknowledge wh...

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[

#### I find getting after care counseling from trauma-informed counselors very difficult in my state. Do you have any advice?

🇩🇰

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. Finding trauma-informed counselors can be quite difficult depending on the state you live in, but they are out there. It can be a frustrating process, but you deserve to receive the support you need. Here are some tips we have found helpful when navigating this often challenging infrastructure.

](/en/answer/i-find-getting-after-care-counseling-from-trauma-informed-counselors-very-difficult-in-my-state-do-you-have-any-advice-83)

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#### When I was younger (12), my older brother molested me over the course of a few months. He doesn't know that I know, because he thought I was sleeping. Our relationship looks "normal" now, because I don't know what else to do. Some days it's all I can think about and I feel so sick I can't even speak. I have no one to tell. I don't want this to ruin my family, and I don't know if they'd even believe me. I need to know who I can talk to and how to deal with this.

🇨🇦

What you are carrying right now is an enormous amount for one person to hold alone and reaching out here took real courage. Thank you for being here. What you are describing is something a significant number of survivors have lived through. Some people use the term child-on-child sexual abuse, sometimes shortened to COCSA, to describe experiences like these. You do not have to use that label if it does not feel right to you, but knowing it exists, and knowing you are far from alone in this, matters. Research consistently shows that sibli...

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#### Is there any one-on-one support or group of survivors available to speak with? I have been searching for so long to speak to someone about my experience.

🇺🇸

Finding support after experiencing sexual violence is incredibly important, and your desire to connect with others who understand is completely natural. Many survivors find that speaking with others who have had similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation and provide validation.

](/en/answer/is-there-any-one-on-one-support-or-group-of-survivors-available-to-speak-with-i-have-been-searching-for-so-long-to-speak-to-someone-about-my-experience-584)

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[

#### What are some ways to process sexual abuse experiences without immediate access to professional therapy or counseling?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this important question. Processing sexual abuse without immediate access to professional help can be challenging, but is often necessary in a world where mental health support can be costly and inaccessible. There are other strategies and resources out there that can support your healing journey. Here are some suggestions on how you might begin to process sexual abuse without a therapist or counselor:

](/en/answer/what-are-some-ways-to-process-sexual-abuse-experiences-without-immediate-access-to-professional-therapy-or-counseling-189)

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#### Around age 7, my cousin (a girl 7 months younger than me) exposed me to pornography. I can't tell if that would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or 'normal' childhood behavior. My experiences worsened throughout childhood - at ages 8-9, I have memories of my older brothers molesting me through inappropriate touching. From age 9 until 21, I was groomed by predators online, which severely impacted my self-perception. I'm working with a therapist and doing art therapy to help my inner child express emotions around these experiences. What other self-healing approaches could I try at home to address this deep-rooted trauma?

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to revisit these experiences. What you've been through is incredibly challenging, and it's completely understandable that you're finding it hard to heal from such deep-rooted trauma.It's important to acknowledge that the experiences you had with your cousin and brothers were not your fault. Being exposed to pornography at such a young age and experiencing unwanted touching can be confusing and distressing, especially when it involves family members. These ear...

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[

#### I'm feeling invalidated after being raped. The prosecution has refused to move forward with my case and hasn't gotten my rape kit results back yet. I feel silenced and pushed aside. What can I do from here?

🇺🇸

I'm so deeply sorry for what you're going through. The pain you're feeling right now - that sense of being invalidated, silenced, and pushed aside - is heartbreaking and so unfair. You came forward with tremendous courage, you trusted a system that was supposed to support you, and instead you've been met with what feels like indifference and abandonment. That's not just disappointing; it's wrong, and your anger and hurt about this are completely justified.

](/en/answer/im-feeling-invalidated-after-being-raped-the-prosecution-has-refused-to-move-forward-with-my-case-and-hasnt-gotten-my-rape-kit-results-back-yet-i-feel-silenced-and-pushed-aside-what-can-i-do-from-here)

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[

#### When I was 14-15, I engaged once in an inappropriate boundary-crossing game with a much younger child (5) that involved rubbing around private areas while fully clothed. We stopped when they asked, and I immediately told my parents who explained boundaries to me. I had experienced childhood sexual trauma myself and didn't understand self-gratification. Eleven years later, I still feel terrible about this incident, and my OCD causes intrusive thoughts telling me I'm an abuser. I've discussed this with my therapist but continue to struggle. How can I understand and process this childhood mistake?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this. What happened was inappropriate and crossed important boundaries that should exist between children of different ages and developmental stages. At the same time, I hear the genuine remorse and concern in your words, which speaks to your character today.

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[

#### Someone who assaulted me months ago recently threatened suicide and blamed me for not forgiving them. During our confrontation, we both exchanged harmful words about self-harm and I had a harsh response to them because I was at my breaking point. They're now in the hospital and seem to be portraying themselves as the victim. Was my harsh response wrong given the circumstances and my emotional state?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this difficult situation. First and foremost, I want to acknowledge how incredibly painful and confusing this must be for you. Being confronted by someone who has harmed you, only to have them threaten self-harm when you don't respond as they want, creates an overwhelming emotional burden that no one should have to carry.

](/en/answer/someone-who-assaulted-me-months-ago-recently-threatened-suicide-and-blamed-me-for-not-forgiving-them-during-our-confrontation-we-both-exchanged-harmful-words-about-self-harm-and-i-had-a-harsh-response)

Community note

This question contains references to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a crisis helpline.

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#### I need advice about a concerning situation with a friend. During a weekend sleepover, a friend and I kissed one night. The next evening, I told everyone I didn't want to be touched, but this same friend continued to touch me inappropriately despite my request. Later, when I went to bed, he joined me uninvited. Despite my clear refusal, he began touching me sexually. Although I initially resisted, I eventually started to feel some physical enjoyment. However, the next day I felt uncomfortable discussing it. I'm confused about whether what he did was wrong, or if I'm overthinking the situation. What's your perspective on this?

🇿🇦

Thank you for reaching out and trusting us with the details of your situation. To start, what happened to you was not okay. Your friend's actions were a clear violation of your consent and boundaries. You explicitly stated that you didn't want to be touched, and later said no to his advances in bed. Consent is crucial in any sexual interaction, and it should be enthusiastic, ongoing, and can be withdrawn at any time.

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[

#### Is unwanted physical contact from a peer considered harassment? I have this group of bus friends, some are good but others I dislike being around. One girl in the grade below me has always treated me poorly, making me the joke of the group and intentionally upsetting me. Recently, her behavior has escalated - she's always been somewhat physical (snatching my phone, grabbing my hands, touching my thigh once), but now she grabs my chin without permission daily, caresses my head, and behaves in ways that make me uncomfortable. After the first chin-grabbing incident, I felt like crap for the rest of the day and couldn't focus in class. I don't know what to do, and I hesitate to seek help because I worry my situation isn't serious enough compared to what others experience.

🇺🇸

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this situation. What you're describing sounds like unwanted physical contact that's making you uncomfortable and impacting your well-being - this is absolutely valid to be concerned about. The behavior you've described—someone grabbing your chin, touching your thigh, caressing your head, and taking your belongings without permission—is not okay. This kind of unwanted physical contact can indeed be considered harassment.

](/en/answer/is-unwanted-physical-contact-from-a-peer-considered-harassment-i-have-this-group-of-bus-friends-some-are-good-but-others-i-dislike-being-around-one-girl-in-the-grade-below-me-has-always-treated-me-poo)

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## More topics

[

Making sense of childhood experiences

](/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)[

Understanding specific types of trauma and harm

](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)[

Making sense of adult experiences

](/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-adult-experiences)[

Managing emotions and how you feel in your body

](/en/learn/topics/managing-emotions-and-how-you-feel-in-your-body)[

Sex, sexuality, and intimacy after trauma

](/en/learn/topics/sex-sexuality-and-intimacy-after-trauma)[

Sharing your story with others

](/en/learn/topics/sharing-your-story-with-others)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready