--- title: When I was younger, my best friend would touch my waist and legs and pull me close to me, which made me uncomfortable. When I said anything to her, she would tell me I was being dramatic and self-absorbed. Another time when we were talking about kissing, I could tell she wanted me to ask her to kiss, so we did. But I hated her, so it doesn't make sense to me that I genuinely wanted to. Was I groomed? ~ Our Wave Community description:

I'm so glad you reached out, and I want you to know that what you're describing sounds incredibly confusing and painful. It sounds like these memories have... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 # When I was younger, my best friend would touch my waist and legs and pull me close to me, which made me uncomfortable. When I said anything to her, she would tell me I was being dramatic and self-absorbed. Another time when we were talking about kissing, I could tell she wanted me to ask her to kiss, so we did. But I hated her, so it doesn't make sense to me that I genuinely wanted to. Was I groomed? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) I'm so glad you reached out, and I want you to know that what you're describing sounds incredibly confusing and painful. It sounds like these memories have been on your mind for a long time, and I'm so sorry you've been carrying confusion and distress around them. [Grooming](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fhealth.clevelandclinic.org%2Fwhat-is-grooming&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=1f6b9f90-f597-47f8-8468-849bd61db1b8&sig=a60de639baefaf7f504c56212870f3d11acd58241cfbba82283d6cf3ba1005c7) often involves an older or more powerful individual creating trust or dependence, then crossing boundaries in a way that feels manipulative. In your situation, you and your friend were both children, which makes this more complicated, but the signals you're describing (e.g. her ignoring your discomfort, calling you "dramatic," and pressuring you into intimacy) do seem to reflect boundary crossings rather than healthy curiosity. Children exploring crushes or gentle curiosity usually stop immediately if someone expresses uncertainty or seems upset. The fact that you sensed pressure and were then made to feel "self-absorbed" for voicing discomfort suggests that she disregarded your boundaries. That doesn't necessarily fit the classic picture of grooming, but it does point to a dynamic where she was pushing you into physical and emotional situations you didn't truly consent to. It's understandable that you feel conflicted, especially if you remember moments where you felt you "wanted" her attention or felt compelled to go along with it even though you didn't enjoy it. Children often respond that way in confusing situations, and it's never an indication that you're to blame for what happened. It is normal to have wanted closeness or to have tried to meet a friend's expectations, even when it left you feeling confused or upset. It's really common for survivors to feel confused about why they went along with something they didn't want, or to question whether they "let it happen." But [consent](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcare.ucr.edu%2Feducation%2Fwhat-is-consent&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=1f6b9f90-f597-47f8-8468-849bd61db1b8&sig=ef6d363b4f58c4b8970444f67e5b9d1801239d75d71b869530837f8ee128dbea) isn't just the absence of saying no—it's an enthusiastic, freely given yes. When someone is being manipulated, dismissed, or pressured, their ability to freely consent is compromised. You were also very young, still learning about boundaries and relationships, which made you even more vulnerable to this kind of dynamic. Whether we label it grooming or not, it's important to recognize the impact it had on you. Those reactions alone tell you the situation crossed lines. Your feelings (the discomfort, anger, and the sense that something was off) were valid. You deserve to have your experience validated and to process these feelings without needing to have the perfect label for what happened. What matters most is that you were hurt, your boundaries were violated, and you're carrying the weight of that now. Your feelings are real and they matter. Even if it's many years later, talking about these memories with someone you trust or a professional who understands childhood boundary issues can help you make sense of why this still weighs on your mind. You deserve clarity, and you deserve respect for your instincts and boundaries, no matter what terms we use to describe your past experiences. There is support out there if you need it. I'm really sorry you went through this. You're not alone. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? 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Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed?country=es)[\[Image: United 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[English](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed)[Español](/es/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed)[日本語](/ja/answer/when-i-was-younger-my-best-friend-would-touch-my-waist-and-legs-and-pull-me-close-to-me-which-made-me-uncomfortable-when-i-said-anything-to-her-she-would-tell-me-i-was-being-dramatic-and-self-absorbed) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready