--- title: When I was young, my older sister engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with me, including making me perform oral sex on her. I didn't understand what was happening at the time, but it sparked a chain of events including an addiction to explicit videos that I'm still struggling with in my 20s. I think she believes I don't remember the incident. I understand the situation is complicated because she was also young, but I can't help feeling angry. I've discussed this in therapy, but I'm having trouble moving past it. What can I do? ~ Our Wave Community description:

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing this experience and seeking help. What happened... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/when-i-was-young-my-older-sister-engaged-in-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-me-including-making-me-perform-oral-sex-on-her-i-didnt-understand-what-was-happening-at-the-time-but-it-sparked-a-chain-of.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇿🇦 # When I was young, my older sister engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with me, including making me perform oral sex on her. I didn't understand what was happening at the time, but it sparked a chain of events including an addiction to explicit videos that I'm still struggling with in my 20s. I think she believes I don't remember the incident. I understand the situation is complicated because she was also young, but I can't help feeling angry. I've discussed this in therapy, but I'm having trouble moving past it. What can I do? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Seeking help after trauma](/en/learn?tags=seeking-help-after-trauma-1) First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing this experience and seeking help. What happened to you was not your fault, regardless of your sister's age at the time. Your feelings of anger are completely valid and a natural response to a boundary violation that occurred during your formative years. Sexual behaviors between siblings or children with significant age differences often involve power imbalances that can be harmful, even when the older child may not fully understand the impact of their actions. Both you and your sister were children, which creates a complex dynamic where she may have been both an agent of harm while potentially dealing with her own developmental issues or possible exposure to inappropriate sexual content. The connection you've made between this early experience and your current struggles with video addiction makes sense from a trauma perspective. Many survivors develop coping mechanisms that can evolve into addictive patterns. This is a common response as the brain attempts to manage distressing emotions, seek comfort, or recreate a sense of control. Early exposure to sexual content can significantly impact how you relate to intimacy, trust, and even your relationship with yourself moving forward. Working through childhood sexual trauma is rarely a linear process, and "letting go" isn't necessarily the goal. Rather, integrating these experiences into your life narrative in a way that diminishes their power over your present is often more realistic. Your continued work in therapy is an important step. Consider discussing with your therapist whether specialized approaches like [trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fus%2Ftherapy-types%2Ftrauma-focused-cognitive-behavior-therapy%3Fmsockid%3D1103576693d9679310b645d892bb66b2&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=c6c8f6dc-2bbb-49c9-bbb2-9078bd82d6fd&sig=abf3f04d7318edb77cbce8e8bf077b6e0ad464b9256806437e04607c782604f4) (TF-CBT) or [EMDR](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmy.clevelandclinic.org%2Fhealth%2Ftreatments%2F22641-emdr-therapy&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=c6c8f6dc-2bbb-49c9-bbb2-9078bd82d6fd&sig=87df9eaeae9b98ec14c91eafbe3044f579089321aeebf3357cd4b46ce26ac1ea) might be helpful for processing these specific memories and addressing both the trauma and addiction components of your experience. Navigating the mix of emotions—anger, confusion, hurt, and perhaps even guilt—is incredibly challenging. These feelings may fluctuate in intensity over time, and that's a normal part of the healing journey. Being patient and compassionate with yourself during this process is essential. Regarding your sister, you have several options to consider. Some survivors find it healing to address the past directly with the person who harmed them, while others find closure without confrontation. If you do choose to speak with her, preparation with your therapist can help establish boundaries and manage expectations. Remember that her response—whether acknowledgment, denial, or her own distress—is not a measure of your experience's validity. For your video addiction, seeking specialized support, possibly through a certified sex addiction therapist or support groups, might offer additional tools beyond your current therapy. Support groups—either in person or online—can provide a space to connect with others who have faced similar challenges, reducing feelings of isolation and offering practical coping strategies. Above all, remember that you're not alone in this journey. Healing from childhood sexual experiences takes time and isn't about forgetting or minimizing what happened, but rather about reducing its impact on your daily life and relationships. Thank you for trusting us with this. We appreciate you. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/when-i-was-young-my-older-sister-engaged-in-inappropriate-sexual-contact-with-me-including-making-me-perform-oral-sex-on-her-i-didnt-understand-what-was-happening-at-the-time-but-it-sparked-a-chain-of#comments) #### Just Checking... #### Discard Message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. 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Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready