---
title: When I was young, I had unrestricted internet access and came across animated pornography of cartoon characters. At school, I would discuss this with a classmate of the same age who also seemed to have come across videos like this. I don't remember us using explicit language when discussing it, just asking if we saw this video with this character in it, and laughing about it sometimes. I don't really know why we laughed about it. We never showed each other videos, nor did we do anything else that could be considered inappropriate, but I still feel a bit guilty about talking about these things with my classmate, even if the conversation was mutual. Am I right to feel guilty about this? ~ Our Wave Community
description: <p>Thank you for sharing this memory and your feelings about it. It's completely understandable to look back on childhood experiences and feel uncertain or...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/when-i-was-young-i-had-unrestricted-internet-access-and-came-across-animated-pornography-of-cartoon-characters-at-school-i-would-discuss-this-with-a-classmate-of-the-same-age-who-also-seemed-to-have-c.md
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# When I was young, I had unrestricted internet access and came across animated pornography of cartoon characters. At school, I would discuss this with a classmate of the same age who also seemed to have come across videos like this. I don't remember us using explicit language when discussing it, just asking if we saw this video with this character in it, and laughing about it sometimes. I don't really know why we laughed about it. We never showed each other videos, nor did we do anything else that could be considered inappropriate, but I still feel a bit guilty about talking about these things with my classmate, even if the conversation was mutual. Am I right to feel guilty about this?

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)

Thank you for sharing this memory and your feelings about it. It's completely understandable to look back on childhood experiences and feel uncertain or even guilty about them as you gain more perspective with age.

When you were young, having unrestricted internet access could expose you to content that you weren't developmentally ready to understand. Coming across animated pornography can be confusing and overwhelming for a child. Discussing it with a classmate of the same age, especially in a way that involved laughter, was likely a way for both of you to process and make sense of something unfamiliar and perhaps bewildering.

It's important to understand that sexual curiosity is a normal and natural part of childhood development. While talking about sex may be considered taboo in many cultures and families, this doesn't change the fact that children naturally have questions and curiosity about bodies, relationships, and sexuality. Without appropriate guidance and age-appropriate information, children often seek answers wherever they can find them, including from peers or online sources.

Children often use humor and shared experiences to cope with things they don't fully understand. At that age, you didn't have the knowledge or emotional tools to navigate or contextualize what you had seen. The laughter you mentioned is a common reaction to discomfort or things that feel taboo or unexpected - it doesn't mean you found the content itself amusing.

The guilt you feel now likely comes from applying your current adult understanding and values to a situation that happened when you were much younger and had a different level of comprehension. It's important to recognize that you weren't intentionally seeking out this content, you didn't share it with others, and your conversations appear to have been mutual attempts to understand something confusing.

Many adults look back on childhood experiences with new perspective and feel uncomfortable about things they didn't question at the time. This retrospective discomfort can actually be a sign of healthy development - it shows you've developed more sophisticated understanding of boundaries and appropriate content.

If these feelings continue to trouble you, consider that self-compassion is vital. You were a child navigating a complex world with limited supervision, and you didn't have the tools or understanding you have now. Forgiving your younger self for not having your current knowledge and perspective is an important part of processing these memories in a healthy way. Remember, reflecting on our past with kindness and understanding toward our younger selves can be a healing experience. Thank you for asking this.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready