--- title: When I was nine, a thirteen-year-old boy was harassing me, demanding I send him photos and videos of my thighs, my buttocks, and my private parts. He even went so far as to ask me to get completely naked on video calls. Honestly, I didn't want to do it at all, but at the time, he was my only friend, and I really liked him. So I did it. It wasn't until recently that I realized that this could have been abuse, right? ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for bringing this here, and for being willing to question something you've held onto for so long. I want to acknowledge that naming this... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/when-i-was-nine-a-thirteen-year-old-boy-was-harassing-me-demanding-i-send-him-photos-and-videos-of-my-thighs-my-buttocks-and-my-private-parts-he-even-went-so-far-as-to-ask-me-to-get-completely-naked-o-954.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇲🇽 # When I was nine, a thirteen-year-old boy was harassing me, demanding I send him photos and videos of my thighs, my buttocks, and my private parts. He even went so far as to ask me to get completely naked on video calls. Honestly, I didn't want to do it at all, but at the time, he was my only friend, and I really liked him. So I did it. It wasn't until recently that I realized that this could have been abuse, right? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) Thank you for bringing this here, and for being willing to question something you've held onto for so long. I want to acknowledge that naming this (especially in a cultural context where talking about sexuality and sexual harm can carry deep shame) takes particular courage. To answer your question directly: yes, what happened to you could certainly have been considered [abuse](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nsvrc.org%2Fsaam-2022-learn%2Fwhatisonlinesexualabuse%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=es&countryId=mx&src=answer&questionId=450b6b21-2697-4c14-b697-3c49c50e77b0&sig=5d643bba3fc9c85bc995f1217f8aa97f478e3d9937d7dcd891d9a1a23835e7a4). Only you can label your experiences, however, so let me share some information worth considering. The four-year age gap between nine and thirteen is significant. At nine, you were still in early childhood. At thirteen, he had much more understanding of sexuality, more social awareness, more power in that relationship. He was old enough to understand what he was asking for and how to use your loneliness and your affection for him to wear down your resistance. That pattern (using closeness and the fear of losing a connection to get someone to do something sexual) is deeply harmful, and it's something that happens between young people too, not just adults. It is also worth noting that he was also a minor and may have been acting from his own exposure or confusion. That creates real complexity, and you can acknowledge that without it erasing what happened to you. Both things are true at once. He may not have fully understood the weight of what he was doing, and what happened to you was still real, still harmful, still not your fault. What he asked you to create (images of a child) carries legal significance precisely because you were a child being pressured by someone older. The fact that you created them doesn't make you responsible. Now that you're sitting with this differently, you may feel a rush of emotion...anger, grief, confusion, or shame that suddenly feels heavier now that you're naming it. That's normal. It doesn't mean you made a mistake by questioning the story you've been telling. It means you're finally letting yourself feel what happened. Give yourself space for that. You deserve support processing this without carrying the shame alone. If you'd like to speak with a counselor, [RAINN](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Frainn.org%2Fhelp-and-healing%2Fhotline%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=es&countryId=mx&src=answer&questionId=450b6b21-2697-4c14-b697-3c49c50e77b0&sig=f85e5ea770b2488690333c30f82ab528eef716641585b882447cbde73a0e7cd3) offers free, confidential support in English at 1-800-656-4673 or rainn.org. In Mexico, CIAM (Centro Integral de Atención a Mujeres) and local sexual health organizations can provide confidential support. Start with whoever feels safest...a counselor, a trusted person in your life, or a therapist if you have access. You don't need to have it all figured out first. You can bring exactly the uncertainty you brought here. 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Kingdom](/answer/when-i-was-nine-a-thirteen-year-old-boy-was-harassing-me-demanding-i-send-him-photos-and-videos-of-my-thighs-my-buttocks-and-my-private-parts-he-even-went-so-far-as-to-ask-me-to-get-completely-naked-o-954?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/when-i-was-nine-a-thirteen-year-old-boy-was-harassing-me-demanding-i-send-him-photos-and-videos-of-my-thighs-my-buttocks-and-my-private-parts-he-even-went-so-far-as-to-ask-me-to-get-completely-naked-o-954?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/when-i-was-nine-a-thirteen-year-old-boy-was-harassing-me-demanding-i-send-him-photos-and-videos-of-my-thighs-my-buttocks-and-my-private-parts-he-even-went-so-far-as-to-ask-me-to-get-completely-naked-o-954?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/when-i-was-nine-a-thirteen-year-old-boy-was-harassing-me-demanding-i-send-him-photos-and-videos-of-my-thighs-my-buttocks-and-my-private-parts-he-even-went-so-far-as-to-ask-me-to-get-completely-naked-o-954)[Español](/es/answer/when-i-was-nine-a-thirteen-year-old-boy-was-harassing-me-demanding-i-send-him-photos-and-videos-of-my-thighs-my-buttocks-and-my-private-parts-he-even-went-so-far-as-to-ask-me-to-get-completely-naked-o-954)[日本語](/ja/answer/when-i-was-nine-a-thirteen-year-old-boy-was-harassing-me-demanding-i-send-him-photos-and-videos-of-my-thighs-my-buttocks-and-my-private-parts-he-even-went-so-far-as-to-ask-me-to-get-completely-naked-o-954) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready