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title: When I was in 7th grade, a boy who knew I had a crush on... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced was absolutely not okay, and I want you to know that your feelings about this situation are completely...
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# When I was in 7th grade, a boy who knew I had a crush on him would make sexual jokes around me and ask inappropriate sexual questions. He would offer me money or snacks to get me to answer these questions. I eventually answered because I wanted him to stop asking. I'm wondering if this could be considered grooming, even though we were the same age.

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)

Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced was absolutely not okay, and I want you to know that your feelings about this situation are completely valid. While the term "[grooming](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Ftheconversation.com%2Fgrooming-an-expert-explains-what-it-is-and-how-to-identify-it-181573&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=f798f6c9-76a2-400e-8217-de95fc42909e&sig=0cff780fa12067cbdd7fa73e37dd46f5e181d26a2550243793c86b5c37e47e66)" is typically used to describe behaviors by adults toward minors, what you're describing involves harmful sexual behavior that created pressure and discomfort for you.

This boy used tactics that sound manipulative and coercive. He persistently asked inappropriate sexual questions despite your clear discomfort, offered rewards to pressure you into complying, and specifically targeted you when others weren't around. These are concerning behaviors that created an unsafe environment for you. The fact that you eventually answered his questions to make him stop shows how effective his pressure tactics were, not that you did anything wrong.

It's important to understand that adolescents are still developing emotionally, socially, and cognitively. During middle school years, young people are often exploring their developing sexuality while still learning about boundaries, consent, and appropriate social interactions. Many adolescents receive limited education about healthy relationships and may model behaviors they've seen in media, online, or from peers without fully understanding the impact of their actions. This developmental context doesn't excuse harmful behavior, but it helps explain why some young people might engage in sexually inappropriate conduct without fully grasping the consequences.

However, developmental considerations don't diminish the reality of your experience or make his behavior acceptable. Peer-to-peer sexual harassment and coercion can be just as harmful as adult-to-minor dynamics, even when the people involved are the same age. Young people can absolutely engage in sexually harmful behaviors toward their peers, and these experiences can have lasting impacts. Your instinct that something wasn't right about this situation is absolutely correct.

You were not responsible for his behavior, and responding to his pressure doesn't mean you consented or wanted this interaction. You were trying to cope with an uncomfortable situation in the best way you knew how at the time. Many survivors describe similar experiences of compliance as a way to end unwanted attention or pressure.

The impact of experiences like this can vary greatly from person to person. Some people find it helpful to process these experiences with a counselor who specializes in trauma or sexual violence, while others find support through trusted friends, family members, or support groups. Whatever feels right for your healing journey is valid, and you deserve support and care as you process this experience. Thank you for trusting us with that. You are not alone.

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[\[Image: United States\]United States](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=gt)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio?country=jp)[\[Image: 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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready