--- title: When I was a child (8), an older family member (13) wanted to play 'boyfriend and girlfriend' in the bathtub. During this 'game,' they kissed me and touched me while I was undressed and they remained clothed. At the time, I thought it was just playing, but now looking back I realize how inappropriate that was. I don't know if this was COCSA and it's driving me crazy trying to figure it out. ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for sharing your experience and for the courage it takes to reach out about something that's been weighing on your mind. It makes sense to look... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at)[Español](/es/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at)[日本語](/ja/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at) [ About Us ](https://www.ourwave.org/en/who-we-are) Made with in Raleigh, NC Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us 🇺🇸 # When I was a child (8), an older family member (13) wanted to play 'boyfriend and girlfriend' in the bathtub. During this 'game,' they kissed me and touched me while I was undressed and they remained clothed. At the time, I thought it was just playing, but now looking back I realize how inappropriate that was. I don't know if this was COCSA and it's driving me crazy trying to figure it out. \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) Thank you for sharing your experience and for the courage it takes to reach out about something that's been weighing on your mind. It makes sense to look back on this moment with confusion, especially now that you understand more about healthy boundaries and how children relate to each other. It's completely understandable that you're trying to make sense of what happened, especially when childhood experiences can feel confusing to process as an adult. What you're describing could fall under [Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ourwave.org%2Fen%2Fpost%2Fchild-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-frequently-asked-questions-and-considerations%3Fid%3Dchild-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-frequently-asked-questions-and-considerations&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=9a6384a1-b2d4-4ade-81ed-ca9b12840751&sig=4c4ca887deef844adc064a8adc3fe4d27e3b77393d5cb05353cc5b8e7261af48) (COCSA), but only you can label your experience. Children at ages eight and thirteen are at very different stages of development. That five-year gap represents substantial differences in physical development, understanding of sexuality, and social power during childhood. In situations where an older child directs sexual play toward a younger child, it can cross into harmful territory even if it feels like a game at the time. That difference in maturity can create a power imbalance, which can be a key factor in what professionals call COCSA. The fact that you were undressed while they remained clothed, combined with the kissing and touching, suggests behavior that went beyond typical childhood play. It's important to remember that your family member was also a child at thirteen, likely navigating their own confusion about sexuality and boundaries. At that age, children are still developing their understanding of appropriate behavior and may not fully grasp the impact of their actions on younger children. This doesn't excuse what happened or minimize your experience, but it can help provide context for understanding that children who engage in inappropriate sexual behavior are often acting from their own lack of understanding, exposure to inappropriate content, or even their own experiences of boundary violations. This experience does not mean there was anything wrong with you at the time. You were only eight, and children often go along with what an older kid suggests because they don't have the same understanding of boundaries that an older child might have. The confusion you're experiencing about whether this "counts" is something many survivors of childhood sexual experiences struggle with. When we're children, we don't have the framework to understand when something crosses appropriate boundaries, especially when it's presented as a game by someone we trust. Your brain naturally tried to make sense of the situation in the only way it could at the time --as play. This doesn't mean what happened was okay, and it doesn't diminish the impact it may have had on you. Looking back and feeling that it was odd or unsettling is a normal response once you're old enough to recognize these differences. The fact that you're reflecting on this experience now and questioning it shows your adult understanding recognizing that something wasn't right. You're not alone in questioning or analyzing childhood memories as you grow older. If the memory is causing you distress or if you're questioning it continually, it might help to speak with someone who understands these situations—perhaps a counselor, support line, or anyone trained in working through childhood boundary violations. You deserve validation concerning your discomfort, and it's okay to name what happened in the way that feels right to you, whether or not you decide to call it COCSA. The most important thing is recognizing that you were a child who didn't ask for or truly understand what was happening. Your feelings now do not change that you did nothing wrong and did not cause what happened. Whatever you decide to call this experience, your feelings about it are valid, and seeking support to work through these memories can be incredibly helpful. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, seeking gentle, knowledgeable support might bring clarity and help you feel more at ease with this part of your past. Thank you for trusting us with this. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at)[Español](/es/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at)[日本語](/ja/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready