--- title: When I was 9, my friend introduced me to sexual touching through a 'doctor' game where we would touch each other's genitals. I had a limited understanding of what sex was at that age. Later, I suggested playing the same game with my younger brothers who were around 7 years old. I initiated inappropriate touching that lasted briefly, and told them not to tell our mother, which indicates I knew it was wrong. I forgot about this incident until recently, and now I feel overwhelming guilt. I don't understand how I didn't realize this could be harmful to them, and I'm ashamed that I prioritized my curiosity over their wellbeing. I believe this was abusive because I wanted some form of gratification. What is the suggested advice moving forward and how should I proceed? ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for sharing your experience with such honesty and vulnerability. It can be challenging to reflect on and... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/when-i-was-9-my-friend-introduced-me-to-sexual-touching-through-a-doctor-game-where-we-would-touch-each-others-genitals-i-had-a-limited-understanding-of-what-sex-was-at-that-age-later-i-suggested-play.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇬🇧 # When I was 9, my friend introduced me to sexual touching through a 'doctor' game where we would touch each other's genitals. I had a limited understanding of what sex was at that age. Later, I suggested playing the same game with my younger brothers who were around 7 years old. I initiated inappropriate touching that lasted briefly, and told them not to tell our mother, which indicates I knew it was wrong. I forgot about this incident until recently, and now I feel overwhelming guilt. I don't understand how I didn't realize this could be harmful to them, and I'm ashamed that I prioritized my curiosity over their wellbeing. I believe this was abusive because I wanted some form of gratification. What is the suggested advice moving forward and how should I proceed? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) Thank you for sharing your experience with such honesty and vulnerability. It can be challenging to reflect on and talk about events from your childhood, especially when they are tied to intense guilt and are weighing heavily on your mind. At nine years old, children are naturally curious about their bodies and the world around them. They are still learning about boundaries, relationships, and appropriate behavior. When your friend introduced "playing doctor," it exposed you to behaviors that you weren't developmentally prepared to fully understand. Children often mimic what they see or experience, trying to make sense of it in their own way. What you're describing is actually quite common in childhood development. Children often engage in exploratory behaviors as they try to understand their bodies, sometimes mimicking behaviors they've seen or experienced. The fact that you were first introduced to this type of play by another child and then replicated it is a pattern that developmental psychologists recognize as typical childhood behavior, not predatory abuse. When you suggested playing doctor with your younger brothers, you were a child acting within the limited understanding you had at that time. It's important to recognize that as a nine-year-old, you didn't possess the mature awareness of sexuality, consent, or the potential impact of these actions. Children at that age can't fully grasp the concepts of trauma or long-term effects on others. Young children lack the cognitive capacity to fully understand sexual concepts or consent. The fact that you knew to keep it secret shows awareness of social rules, but not necessarily a predatory intent. The guilt you're experiencing now comes from your adult perspective analyzing childhood behavior. This is called "hindsight bias" - judging past actions using knowledge and moral understanding you've developed since then. Feeling guilt and shame now is a sign of your empathy and moral development as an adult. It shows that you care deeply about the well-being of your brothers and that you have a strong sense of right and wrong. Your current feelings of remorse actually demonstrate your healthy moral development and empathy. However, it's crucial to be compassionate with yourself. You were a child navigating complex emotions and situations without the guidance or tools that adults have. Moving forward, it might be helpful to speak with a mental health professional who specializes in childhood experiences and trauma. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive environment to explore your feelings, help you process the guilt you're carrying, and guide you toward self-forgiveness. They can also assist you in understanding how your experiences have shaped you and how to cope with these emotions in a healthy way. If you're concerned about lasting effects on your brothers, remember that many childhood experiences are processed differently by different people. Without specific indications that they experienced trauma, it's not helpful to assume they were harmed. If appropriate in your family dynamic, open communication with your brothers (with professional guidance) might be healing, but this isn't always necessary or advised. Remember, holding onto self-blame doesn't change the past, but working toward self-compassion can heal the present. Your willingness to address this and seek guidance is a significant step forward. Your commitment to understanding this experience demonstrates your compassion and desire to heal. Healing is a journey, and you don't have to walk it alone. There are people ready to support you as you navigate these complex feelings. 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Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready