--- title: When I was 9, I played with my 5-year-old neighbor where we imitated what we saw on a reality TV show—a man and woman sitting together and flirting. I think it was my idea, and I remember pretending to kiss but not actually kissing. We were caught and stopped, and I felt really bad at the time. Now as an adult, I can't help but feel like I abused them. I have OCD, which might be making this worse because I keep thinking maybe I coerced them or that it could have escalated if we hadn't been stopped. I recently learned about COCSA and can't help but feel like I committed it. Did I do something wrong? ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of worry about a childhood memory that has resurfaced as you’ve learned... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 # When I was 9, I played with my 5-year-old neighbor where we imitated what we saw on a reality TV show—a man and woman sitting together and flirting. I think it was my idea, and I remember pretending to kiss but not actually kissing. We were caught and stopped, and I felt really bad at the time. Now as an adult, I can't help but feel like I abused them. I have OCD, which might be making this worse because I keep thinking maybe I coerced them or that it could have escalated if we hadn't been stopped. I recently learned about COCSA and can't help but feel like I committed it. Did I do something wrong? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of worry about a childhood memory that has resurfaced as you’ve learned more about sexual abuse and tried to fit your experience into that understanding. At nine years old, you were both children, still learning about boundaries and relationships. Many kids explore what they see on TV or around them without fully grasping adult concepts like consent or the real significance of those actions. It’s also very common for people with OCD to get stuck analyzing old memories, especially those involving any kind of developmentally normal curiosity, and to feel intense guilt or shame that doesn’t necessarily match what was actually happening at the time. Looking back with an adult perspective can make childhood play feel more serious or sinister than it really was, especially if you’re anxious about the possibility of having caused harm. There’s a difference between children experimenting or imitating something they don’t fully understand and a situation where a child uses power, force, or coercion in a harmful way. If you recall stopping immediately when adults intervened, and if there was no ongoing pressure or manipulation, that suggests it was more a moment of childish imitation rather than a calculated decision to harm someone. Feeling bad at the time also shows you recognized something wasn’t right, which is normal for children suddenly realizing they’re doing something they shouldn’t. If these thoughts are spinning and causing you distress, it might help to talk to a mental health professional, particularly someone who understands OCD, so you can work through any guilt or intrusive worries. Remember that you were a child yourself, operating with a child’s understanding and impulsivity, not an adult intention to harm. You deserve compassion for the younger version of you who simply copied a situation you saw on TV without grasping its adult implications. It doesn’t make you an abuser to look back and regret or feel unsettled about a past game you didn’t truly comprehend at the time. You have the right to acknowledge that experience, process any lingering guilt, and recognize you were just a child exploring something you didn’t fully understand. Thank you for trusting us with this. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. 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Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki)[Español](/es/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki)[日本語](/ja/answer/when-i-was-9-i-played-with-my-5-year-old-neighbor-where-we-imitated-what-we-saw-on-a-reality-tv-showa-man-and-woman-sitting-together-and-flirting-i-think-it-was-my-idea-and-i-remember-pretending-to-ki) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready