--- title: Was it Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if we were the same age (11) and I only said yes after being asked repeatedly because I felt bad for rejecting them? ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for asking this. If you feel that you were coerced into doing something you did not want to do, your feelings of distress and concern are... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/was-it-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-we-were-the-same-age-11-and-i-only-said-yes-after-being-asked-repeatedly-because-i-felt-bad-for-rejecting-them-98.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 # Was it Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if we were the same age (11) and I only said yes after being asked repeatedly because I felt bad for rejecting them? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Understanding specific types of trauma and harm](/en/learn?tags=understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) Thank you for asking this. If you feel that you were coerced into doing something you did not want to do, your feelings of distress and concern are entirely warranted. In terms of the person's age at the time of the incident, it's essential to recognize that age does not absolve someone of responsibility for their actions, particularly when it involves harming another individual. Regardless of their age, engaging in sexual coersive behavior is never acceptable. What you choose to label your experience as is up to you. To learn more about abuse that can occur between children, see three related questions we have answered previously below. 1\. [Q & A ~ Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA): Can a victim be older than their perpetrator? ~ Our Wave Stories](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcommunity.ourwave.org%2Fanswer%2Fchild-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-can-a-victim-be-older-than-their-perpetrator-80&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=04cfea5a-38cc-47fb-bf19-f8de9c5f6683&sig=d53e530933c57cc3feba1cc31e92a44660f791d0fcadc0a4298dac7dacdfd053) 2\. [Question | I experienced abuse by a family member as a child. He is five years older than me. It was clearly abusive in many ways: it was forceful, manipulative, and there was a power imbalance. I can’t judge him too hard because he might have been too young to be held responsible. | Our Wave Dashboard](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcommunity.ourwave.org%2Fanswer%2Fi-experienced-abuse-by-a-family-member-as-a-child-he-is-five-years-older-than-me-it-was-clearly-abusive-in-many-ways-it-was-forceful-manipulative-and-there-was-a-power-imbalance-he-didnt-listen-when-i-told-him-to-stop-the-only-thing-is-that-i-cant-remember-when-exactly-it-happened-and-how-old-we-were-so-i-feel-like-i-cant-judge-him-too-hard-because-he-might-have-been-too-young-to-be-held-responsible-i-also-worry-with-if-he-is-a-danger-or-not-to-others-i-wish-i-could-know-for-sure-if-i-was-his-only-victim-how-do-i-know-what-to-think-94&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=04cfea5a-38cc-47fb-bf19-f8de9c5f6683&sig=16c4e96bb34a4caa9ce90a99bf6b9aebbc83455408367eac8961ccad35980e30) 3\. [Q & A ~ In cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), is it okay/normal to continue to be friends with the other child and have it be water under the bridge? ~ Our Wave Stories](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcommunity.ourwave.org%2Fanswer%2Fin-cases-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-is-it-okay-normal-to-continue-to-be-friends-with-the-other-child-and-have-it-be-water-under-the-bridge-92&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=04cfea5a-38cc-47fb-bf19-f8de9c5f6683&sig=54fba053a89a371d7d210f312e84b2eb5e1ca151bae2e6dc1b06b8d40e6eb55b) What you choose to do with this information is also [up to you](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcommunity.ourwave.org%2Fanswer%2Fif-i-want-to-seek-professional-help-for-my-experiences-what-are-my-options-21&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=04cfea5a-38cc-47fb-bf19-f8de9c5f6683&sig=671a321cc18aac79541a5081fba2a1612b1eef8a9e26412a7aa2380379da9c96). 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Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready