--- title: This week I found graphic images of my sons, ages 12 and 14, on an old flip phone in their room. It didn't seem to be connected to service. I was shocked and horrified. My kids were upset but seemed to want to downplay what happened. I called the police and handed over the phone, and they are now investigating. Next week we have a forensic interview scheduled, and my kids won't talk to me about any of it. I've been avoiding my extended family, which is hard because we're normally close. How do I handle the waiting, without more information, and how do I get through this without everyone finding out? ~ Our Wave Community description:

What a horrible and nightmarish situation thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you're carrying right now, the not knowing alongside the fear... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/this-week-i-found-some-graphic-pictures-of-my-kids-on-a-phone-in-their-room-it-was-an-old-flip-phone-and-didnt-seem-to-be-connected-to-service-it-was-shocking-and-horrifying-for-me-the-kids-were-upset-936.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 # This week I found graphic images of my sons, ages 12 and 14, on an old flip phone in their room. It didn't seem to be connected to service. I was shocked and horrified. My kids were upset but seemed to want to downplay what happened. I called the police and handed over the phone, and they are now investigating. Next week we have a forensic interview scheduled, and my kids won't talk to me about any of it. I've been avoiding my extended family, which is hard because we're normally close. How do I handle the waiting, without more information, and how do I get through this without everyone finding out? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[How to support survivors and be an ally](/en/learn?tags=how-to-support-survivors-and-be-an-ally) What a horrible and nightmarish situation thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you're carrying right now, the not knowing alongside the fear of it becoming public, is one of the heaviest combinations a parent can hold. You did the hard, right thing by calling the police and handing over that phone instead of trying to investigate it yourself. That is worth showing yourself some gratitude for. What you're describing sounds like it falls under what's often called image based abuse, a term used when sexual images of a minor exist without full understanding, consent, or awareness of how they were taken, shared, or used. It's more common than most parents realize, and it doesn't always fit a single, clean story. Sometimes a child is coerced. Sometimes images are taken or shared by peers without full grasp of the harm. Sometimes an adult is involved. The forensic interview next week is a structured process led by someone trained specifically to talk with kids about harm in a way that feels less exposing than talking to a parent, and without leading them toward any particular answer. Your sons going quiet and downplaying this is not a sign that something is wrong with your relationship. Shame moves fast in kids, especially at 12 and 14 when they're intensely aware of how others see them, and minimizing is often a way of trying to make an unbearable thing feel smaller. You don't need them to talk before you can be steady with them. Something simple, said once without pressure for a response, like "whatever happened is not your fault, and nothing about this changes how I feel about you," can land even if they walk away without acknowledging it. On your extended family, you don't owe anyone details right now. If there's one or two people you trust deeply, you might try something like, "We're going through a family crisis I can't talk about fully right now, and I could really use some support." That protects your kids' privacy and the investigation while still letting you receive care. Carrying this entirely alone isn't a requirement of protecting them. You could also ask the forensic interview team next week whether they can connect you with a family advocate. Many child advocacy centers have advocates specifically for parents, and they can walk with you through the process in ways that are both practical and confidential. In the meantime, small physical resets, eating, going outside, feet flat on the floor when the fear spikes, aren't distractions from what's happening. They're what keep you steady enough to be what your boys need. You are allowed to fall apart in private and still be a good parent. Taking care of yourself right now isn't separate from taking care of them, it's part of the same job. You found this, you acted, and you're still standing in it days later without anyone to lean on. That's not nothing. Let someone hold you up too. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/this-week-i-found-some-graphic-pictures-of-my-kids-on-a-phone-in-their-room-it-was-an-old-flip-phone-and-didnt-seem-to-be-connected-to-service-it-was-shocking-and-horrifying-for-me-the-kids-were-upset-936#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. 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[English](/en/answer/this-week-i-found-some-graphic-pictures-of-my-kids-on-a-phone-in-their-room-it-was-an-old-flip-phone-and-didnt-seem-to-be-connected-to-service-it-was-shocking-and-horrifying-for-me-the-kids-were-upset-936)[Español](/es/answer/this-week-i-found-some-graphic-pictures-of-my-kids-on-a-phone-in-their-room-it-was-an-old-flip-phone-and-didnt-seem-to-be-connected-to-service-it-was-shocking-and-horrifying-for-me-the-kids-were-upset-936)[日本語](/ja/answer/this-week-i-found-some-graphic-pictures-of-my-kids-on-a-phone-in-their-room-it-was-an-old-flip-phone-and-didnt-seem-to-be-connected-to-service-it-was-shocking-and-horrifying-for-me-the-kids-were-upset-936) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready