--- title: My partner had sex with me while I was blacked out and then told me about it afterward. When I questioned them, they changed their story multiple times...first saying I was making noises, and finally admitting I was asleep when they continued. I am his first-ever partner, so I am keeping that in mind. Something about this doesn't sit right with me, but it's been really difficult to leave because he has been so good to me in other ways. Why is it so hard to leave a relationship when something like this happens? ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for trusting us with something this painful and confusing. What comes through clearly in what you shared is that something happened that doesn't... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: Peru\]Peru [\[Image: United States\]United States](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=py)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt)[Español](/es/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt)[日本語](/ja/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt) [ About Us ](https://www.ourwave.org/en/who-we-are) Made with in Raleigh, NC Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us [We-Speak Community](https://www.wespeak.ie) 🇬🇧 # My partner had sex with me while I was blacked out and then told me about it afterward. When I questioned them, they changed their story multiple times...first saying I was making noises, and finally admitting I was asleep when they continued. I am his first-ever partner, so I am keeping that in mind. Something about this doesn't sit right with me, but it's been really difficult to leave because he has been so good to me in other ways. Why is it so hard to leave a relationship when something like this happens? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of adult experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-adult-experiences) Thank you for trusting us with something this painful and confusing. What comes through clearly in what you shared is that something happened that doesn't sit right with you, and you have been carrying that feeling while also trying to hold onto everything good in your relationship. That kind of inner conflict is exhausting, and the fact that you are paying attention to it even when it complicates something you value is really meaningful. Without wanting to be too blunt, having sex with someone while they are blacked out or asleep is sexual assault. A person who is unconscious cannot consent, and consent means being awake, aware, and genuinely able to say yes or no in that moment. This is true regardless of the relationship, regardless of how experienced your partner is, and regardless of how loving or kind they are in other parts of your life. I want to note that the changing story matters too. Your partner first suggested you were a willing participant by saying you were making noises. Then, when pressed, they admitted you were asleep and that they continued anyway. That shift is important. It suggests they understood, on some level, that what happened needed an explanation and that the first one wasn't enough. The sounds your body may or may not have made do not count as consent. A body can respond physically in ways that have nothing to do with desire, awareness, or agreement. That is biology, not permission. The confusion you are carrying right now is a direct result of someone shifting their account of what they did. You are not responsible for sorting out which version is true. It makes complete sense that leaving feels so difficult. The brain naturally resists holding two truths at once: that someone can be genuinely kind and caring in many ways, and also capable of causing real harm. Both of those things can be true at the same time. Trauma bonds are real. They form when care and harm are mixed together in the same relationship, and they can make it feel almost impossible to walk away from someone who has also hurt you. The love is real. The good moments are real. And the harm is also real. You are allowed to hold all of that without having to choose which part to dismiss. It's also worth gently noting that the context you've been holding (that this is their first relationship) does not transfer responsibility onto you or make what happened less serious. Inexperience does not explain away a choice to continue sexual activity with a sleeping, unconscious person. If you feel ready to talk to someone directly, [RAINN](https://www.wespeak.ie/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Frainn.org%2Flearn-about-rainn%2Fcontact-us%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=gb&src=answer&questionId=80936e09-4ced-41a8-97eb-0feb343d953a&sig=656e47c94b53c0d0eba947a4ce46921563c390cb34327557cb03f7c24aa8119a) is a great resource. Their trained advocates are available around the clock, confidentially, and can help you think through your options and feelings without any pressure to take a particular action. You might also consider connecting with a trauma-informed therapist, particularly one who works with intimate partner sexual violence, as this specific kind of harm carries its own particular weight and confusion. If cost or access is a barrier, [the therapist finder at psychologytoday.com](https://www.wespeak.ie/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fus%2Ftherapists&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=gb&src=answer&questionId=80936e09-4ced-41a8-97eb-0feb343d953a&sig=ccd16f54064ff007f9752b3a3339a52cdab6717b07c7d6488fc2f2d677572f2a) allows you to filter by specialty and sliding scale fees. You do not have to make any decisions right now about your relationship. You asked this question because something inside you is asking to be taken seriously. That instinct is sound. Something didn't sit right with you because something wasn't right. You deserve to feel safe and we are here for you. Thank you for reaching out to us. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt#comments) #### Just Checking... #### Discard Message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: Peru\]Peru [\[Image: United States\]United States](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=py)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt)[Español](/es/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt)[日本語](/ja/answer/my-partner-had-sex-with-me-while-i-was-blacked-out-and-then-told-me-about-it-afterward-when-i-questioned-them-they-changed-their-story-multiple-timesfirst-saying-i-was-making-noises-and-finally-admitt) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready