--- title: My friend's mom found a group chat on her phone with inappropriate sexual conversations (my friend wasn't participating, just in the chat because of other friends). Her mom got angry and reached toward my friend's private areas while yelling "do you want boys to touch there?!" My friend backed away, scared. She told me she's sure her mom would have touched her if she hadn't moved away. Is this sexual assault? ~ Our Wave Community description:

I'm really sorry to hear about what your friend went through. It can be incredibly upsetting and confusing when a parent crosses a boundary like that, and... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/my-friends-mom-found-a-group-chat-on-her-phone-with-inappropriate-sexual-conversations-my-friend-wasnt-participating-just-in-the-chat-because-of-other-friends-her-mom-got-angry-and-reached-toward-my-f.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇯🇴 # My friend's mom found a group chat on her phone with inappropriate sexual conversations (my friend wasn't participating, just in the chat because of other friends). Her mom got angry and reached toward my friend's private areas while yelling "do you want boys to touch there?!" My friend backed away, scared. She told me she's sure her mom would have touched her if she hadn't moved away. Is this sexual assault? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Understanding specific types of trauma and harm](/en/learn?tags=understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)[How to support survivors and be an ally](/en/learn?tags=how-to-support-survivors-and-be-an-ally) I'm really sorry to hear about what your friend went through. It can be incredibly upsetting and confusing when a parent crosses a boundary like that, and what happened to your friend was absolutely inappropriate and concerning behavior. Many parents do have intense reactions when they discover their children have been exposed to sexual content or conversations, often stemming from fear, protective instincts, or their own discomfort with sexuality topics. Parents may panic and react poorly when they feel their child's safety or innocence is at risk, sometimes leading to responses that are misguided or harmful even when their intentions come from a place of concern. However, even understanding that parents can struggle with these situations, reaching out toward a child's private areas and threatening such an act goes beyond normal discipline and veers into sexual violation. A parent should never impose contact with a child's private areas for the purpose of intimidation, punishment, or control, regardless of how distressed or protective they feel. No one, including a parent, should touch a child's genital area without clear, appropriate reason (for instance, in a young child's basic care or a necessary medical context) and certainly not to scare or shame them. When a parent threatens to touch or attempts to touch a child's private areas in a sexual or punitive way, this crosses important boundaries and can be considered sexual abuse, regardless of the parent's stated intention or reasoning. The fact that your friend felt scared and believed her mother would have followed through if she hadn't moved away speaks to how threatening and inappropriate this situation was. Sexual abuse doesn't require actual contact to be harmful. The threat, attempt, or intimidation can be traumatizing on its own. The power dynamic between a parent and child makes this behavior particularly problematic, as children depend on their parents for safety and care. Your friend's fear and distress are completely valid responses to what happened. This wasn't her fault in any way. Parents have many appropriate ways to discuss online safety and appropriate behavior without threatening or attempting to violate their child's bodily autonomy. What her mother did reflects the mother's inappropriate response, not anything your friend did wrong. If your friend is feeling unsafe, confused, or wants support, it might help to encourage her to talk to another trusted adult, like a school counselor, teacher, relative, or other family member about what happened. Many schools and communities have resources specifically designed to help young people navigate these difficult situations. The National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673) also provides confidential support and can help connect her with local resources. She deserves to feel protected and respected in her own home, and there are people out there who understand these situations and can help guide her to the support she needs. You're being a caring friend by taking this seriously and believing her. Your support as a friend matters tremendously. Continue validating her feelings and helping her understand that what happened wasn't normal or acceptable parental behavior. I hope your friend can find a trustworthy person to confide in so she doesn't have to handle this alone. Thank you for trusting us with this. Random Question 1 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/my-friends-mom-found-a-group-chat-on-her-phone-with-inappropriate-sexual-conversations-my-friend-wasnt-participating-just-in-the-chat-because-of-other-friends-her-mom-got-angry-and-reached-toward-my-f#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. 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Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready