---
title: I'm struggling to validate my experience with peer-on-peer... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you for reaching out to us. I want to first acknowledge the immense courage it takes to share these experiences, especially when you've encountered...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/im-struggling-to-validate-my-experience-with-peer-on-peer-childhood-sexual-abuse-despite-having-confirmation-from-mental-health-professionals-and-law-enforcement-that-what-happened-was-abuse-when-peop.md
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# I'm struggling to validate my experience with peer-on-peer childhood sexual abuse, despite having confirmation from mental health professionals and law enforcement that what happened was abuse. When people around me suggest I should 'be over it by now,' I find myself doubting the ongoing impact it has on my life and feeling guilty for still being affected by it. What makes this particularly challenging is that my experience with child-on-child sexual abuse has been more traumatic for me than other forms of sexual violence I've experienced both as a child and adult, yet it seems to be taken the least seriously by others. This disconnect between the severity of my trauma and others' perceptions makes it difficult to accept the legitimacy of my feelings. I'm seeking guidance on two aspects: First, how can I develop a stronger sense of validation about my experience and accept that my ongoing trauma response is reasonable? Second, what strategies can I use to manage this trauma given that therapy isn't currently accessible to me due to financial constraints? I want to understand how to honor my experience and heal while navigating others' dismissive attitudes and limited access to professional support.

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)

Thank you for reaching out to us. I want to first acknowledge the immense courage it takes to share these experiences, especially when you've encountered dismissive responses from others. Your struggle to validate your own experience while managing others' minimizing reactions is something many survivors face, and it's particularly challenging when it involves peer-on-peer childhood abuse.

When you describe this experience as being more traumatic than other forms of sexual violence you've endured, I hear you. This makes perfect sense - childhood trauma happens during our most vulnerable period of development, when we're just learning about trust, safety, and relationships. When the person who causes harm is a peer, it can create deep confusion about friendship, boundaries, and social connections that can echo through our lives in complex ways.

Those suggestions that you should "be over it by now" reflect a fundamental misunderstanding of how trauma lives in our bodies and minds. Trauma isn't like a scraped knee that heals on a predictable timeline - it's more like learning a language during our earliest years. It becomes part of how we understand the world, and our bodies hold onto these experiences as a way of trying to keep us safe. The fact that mental health professionals and law enforcement validated your experience confirms what your body has been telling you all along - this was real, it was harmful, and your ongoing responses make complete sense.

For building stronger self-validation, imagine speaking to your younger self with the same compassion you'd offer a dear friend. When those feelings of guilt or doubt arise, try gently reminding yourself: "My younger self experienced something genuinely confusing and harmful. My feelings then and now are natural responses to an unnatural situation."

While therapy isn't accessible right now, here are some ways you might consider supporting yourself.

1\. Listen to your body with compassion: Notice when you feel safe and when you feel overwhelmed. These signals aren't your body betraying you - they're your body trying to protect you. Understanding this can help ease some of the frustration with trauma responses.

2\. Create moments of safety: When memories or feelings become overwhelming, anchor yourself in the present moment. Feel your feet on the ground, notice the texture of your clothing, or hold something comforting. Remind yourself that while your feelings are real, you are here now, in this moment.

3\. Nurture yourself consistently: Just as you might care for a beloved pet or plant, develop small, reliable ways to tend to yourself. This might be as simple as wrapping yourself in a soft blanket, taking peaceful walks, or keeping a regular sleep schedule. These aren't just activities - they're ways of showing your nervous system that you're caring for yourself now.

4\. Consider connecting with other survivors: Many find comfort in knowing they're not alone. Online support groups can offer understanding from others who truly get it, without the pressure of in-person interaction if that feels too overwhelming right now.

Your ongoing response to this trauma isn't a sign of weakness or failure to "move on" - it's your mind and body remembering experiences that were genuinely harmful at a crucial time in your development. The fact that you're here, seeking to understand and heal, shows remarkable resilience and wisdom.

Remember, healing from trauma is a deeply personal journey, and it's okay to seek and accept help along the way. While professional therapy can be incredibly beneficial, many people find ways to cope and heal through self-help strategies and community support. You are deserving of understanding, compassion, and the time it takes to heal. Your experience matters, and so do you.

Please know that you're not alone, and there are people and resources out there to support you through this. Continue reaching out and advocating for yourself—you've already taken a significant step forward by seeking guidance. Thank you for trusting us. You are not alone.

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5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

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3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

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Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

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