---
title: I'm struggling to understand an experience I had when I... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Wow...that sounds like a terrible situation. I am deeply sorry you experienced this traumatic event. While...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227.md
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[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227)[Español](/es/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227)[日本語](/ja/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227)

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# I'm struggling to understand an experience I had when I was 17. A guy the same age as me was driving, while his friend gave me alcohol in the backseat. I became extremely incapacitated, slurring my speech. My best friend was in the passenger seat. The driver, who hadn't been drinking, moved to the backseat and performed oral sex on me and digitally penetrated me. I never consented when he asked, and I felt only pain, not pleasure. I was barely conscious due to the alcohol. Immediately after, I self-harmed for the first time in a long while. When I got home, I showered right away because I felt disgusting. I didn't think much about it until the girl who was there told me she thought it was sexual assault. Following this event, my mental health deteriorated significantly. I became suicidal and self-harmed frequently. I'm confused about how to feel because my old friend said it was both his and my fault, while my mom said the opposite. We were only acquaintances before this happened. Given that we were both minors and I was incapacitated, was this sexual assault? How should I understand and process this experience?

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Managing emotions and how you feel in your body](/en/learn?tags=managing-emotions-and-how-you-feel-in-your-body)[Sharing your story with others](/en/learn?tags=sharing-your-story-with-others)

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Wow...that sounds like a terrible situation. I am deeply sorry you experienced this traumatic event. While only you can ultimately decide how to label your experience, what you've described does align with the definition of sexual assault. Let me explain...

You were incapacitated due to alcohol and [unable to give consent](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fadf.org.au%2Finsights%2Falcohol-and-consent%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=a15aa91d-eeb8-43cf-b373-913b54f32105&sig=4092d0c0253c4ebac92e60d4b055109c67b4e4a175ff8d176f8d15d0c49800f5). Being intoxicated to the point of slurred speech and barely conscious means you were not in a state to consent to any sexual activity. You also mention that you "never said yes when he would ask," which also clearly indicates a lack of consent.

The fact that you both were minors doesn't negate the assault. While it may complicate legal matters, it doesn't change the nature of what occurred. Your physical and emotional responses after the event - feeling pain during the act, immediate self-harm, feeling the need to shower, and subsequent mental health struggles - are common reactions to sexual assault.

It's crucial to understand that this was not your fault. Being unable to resist drinking doesn't give anyone the right to take advantage of you sexually. Your friend who says it was both of your faults is incorrect - the responsibility lies solely with the person who chose to perform sexual acts on someone who was incapacitated.

However, it's important to emphasize that only you have the right to define your experience. While the situation you described aligns with the definition of sexual assault, how you choose to label or understand this experience is entirely up to you. Your feelings and perspective are valid, regardless of how others might categorize the event.

I strongly encourage you to seek support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and sexual experiences. They can help you process this event and work through the mental health challenges you've faced as a result, without imposing any labels you're not comfortable with.

Remember, you're not alone, and there are resources available to help you. What happened to you was wrong, and your feelings are valid. Be gentle with yourself as you work through this, and don't hesitate to reach out for professional help. Coming to terms with things that happened to you in the past can be difficult, but sometimes acknowledging it can help you make sense of the challenges you have faced since then. Healing is possible. Thank you for reaching out to us.

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Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=co)[\[Image: 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Rica](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=do)[\[Image: 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El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=sv)[\[Image: 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Guinea](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227)[Español](/es/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227)[日本語](/ja/answer/im-struggling-to-understand-an-experience-i-had-when-i-was-17-a-guy-the-same-age-as-me-was-driving-while-his-friend-gave-me-alcohol-in-the-backseat-i-became-extremely-incapacitated-slurring-my-speech-my-best-friend-was-in-the-passenger-seat-the-driver-who-hadnt-been-drinking-moved-to-the-backseat-and-performed-oral-sex-on-me-and-digitally-penetrated-me-i-never-consented-when-he-asked-and-i-felt-only-pain-not-pleasure-i-was-barely-conscious-due-to-the-alcohol-immediately-after-i-self-harmed-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-while-when-i-got-home-i-showered-right-away-because-i-felt-disgusting-i-didnt-think-much-about-it-until-the-girl-who-was-there-told-me-she-thought-it-was-sexual-assault-following-this-event-my-mental-health-deteriorated-significantly-i-became-suicidal-and-self-harmed-frequently-im-confused-about-how-to-feel-because-my-old-friend-said-it-was-both-his-and-my-fault-while-my-mom-said-the-opposite-we-were-only-acquaintances-before-this-happened-given-that-we-were-both-minors-and-i-was-incapacitated-was-this-sexual-assault-how-should-i-understand-and-process-this-experience-227)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready